To expect my DH to spend more time with me as we head closer to my due date and not see his DC for a few weeks?

[bhappy55]

AIBU to expect my DH to stick around more as we get closer to my due date (I'm 36 weeks pregnant). You see, my DH has 2 DC from a previous marriage and he sees them every other weekend. Sometimes he sees them in the week if he works in the area as well, which is about 2 and half hours drive away (in good traffic). On weekends that he sees them, he doesn't normally get back until around midnight on a Sunday, including tonight. The thing is, with me being so close to the due date, I don't really want to be on my own, just in case anything happens. And not seeing him at weekends at this stage in my pregnancy is getting me down because he is so busy working on weekdays (sometimes very late into the evening) that we don't really get any quality time together. My Q is, AIBU to ask that he doesn't see his DC in the last remaining weeks, at least until I go into labour? There's still so much we have yet to do around the house, and with it being my first pregnancy, I could really do with spending some time with him to talk about my worries as and when they pop into my head. Or sometimes, I just want to be able to have him with me so he and I can read up about pregnancy related stuff together. Although I know he loves me very much, I do feel like I'm on my own and not getting the support I need from him. There's a good chance that even if I did ask, he would refuse anyway because he says that he loves his DC and will miss them too much not to see them, which I do also understand. What are your thoughts please? Anyone else going through or been through a similar situation?

I do feel like I'm on my own and not getting the support I need from him

YANBU to feel this

Even though taking time away from kids isn't the answer (and i'm sure you know that in your heart of hearts) it's pretty normal to need extra closeness from your DH right now.

YABU

Yabu

Oh OP, if your DP is a good man then your needs will never come before that of his young children. Did you not realise this when you entered a relationship with a man who already have kids?

I can understand that you feel emotional & vulnerable and you probably aren't thinking rationally, but YABU.

Do you not have any family locally who might like to read pregnancy books with you?

I think the OP is getting a bit of a hard time here... do none of you remember your first pregnancy and how you felt like the only person to have ever had a baby?! I do (with shame - now).

OP, it's normal to feel overwhelmed with your first and to be terrified about the upcoming birth, but I'm sure you realise that pushing his existing kids away can only lead to more resentment further down the line (from everyone involved).

Why not try to form that family unit now, have his kids down and involve them in the remains of your pregnancy, get them excited. I'm sure that if something happened nearer the time and your DH had to cancel everyone would understand, but if you're already making contact difficult, it's only going to harbour more bad feelings. Like it or not, those kiddies are part of your lives forever now, your baby is their sibling!

Good luck, and try not to stress too much

sure...

Ffs, of course YABU. He's clearly a good father-have a little think about that one...

yabvvu and what does have his children at your house have to do with being worried for his health. He is a due a newborn with you. A newborn is more likely to damage to health than an older child.

Seeing your own children every other week really is not a lot.

Wow. 7 pages of people saying exactly the same thing as everyone before them and people are STILL adding to it.

I think the OP has got the idea now!

Whilst I do think yabu, I think people are being unnecessarily harsh on you.
You can't know this yet, but the feelings you have for your own children is massive, beyond any other, they will always come first. He doesn't see them much which must be so hard on him.
I didn't realise until my dc2 was born, with dd1 then 2 years old, that an older child needs you far more than a new born does. There's so much going on emotionally in a child, whereas a newborn just needs Physical stuff.

You have to get things into perspective. His two children are as much his children as the new baby. You should be proud and pleased that he is being a good father to his two children and not wish that he sees them less. Sounds like a reverse situation to me.

Tbh I can't see your relationship lasting. He is going to be so bored with your neediness. He's been there and done all this before. Were you the ow? Are his dc not allowed to visit you? Something about this doesn't add up.

Disclaimer: I haven't read the full thread.

Bloody hell - as I was reading the original post I was thinking, "She can't actually be asking this?!"

Unless there's a huge huge backstory in the last 7 pages (which I will go back and read) then you are being VERY unreasonable.

I don't want to be a bitch to a pregnant woman but you can't ask him to sack off his children for potentially 6 weeks so as he can hold your hand "just in case" - That wouldn't be fair on his children or him.

How will you manage when the baby is born, he's working all week and then going to see his other children every other weekend? You can't turn around and ask him to choose which children he will spend that weekend with.

You need a better arrangement!

Not many men ever spent time lovingly curled up with their partner reading pregnancy books. It just doesn't happen in the real world.

Yabvu. He shouldn't see his children for 6 weeks because you are popping out another one? Give over

do none of you remember your first pregnancy and how you felt like the only person to have ever had a baby?!

Fuck no. What kind of arrogant tit thinks like that?

Sorry you're having a hard time OP, I get how you're feeling, I understand you want that fuzzy bubble before labour, made up of just the soon-to-be 3 of you , honestly I get it. BUT not seeing his kids is not the answer, older DC's become quite tetchy (to say the least) when there is a new sibling on the horizon, he probably knows this and wants to be there for them - as you're a grown woman. Why not have them come to you for the next few weekends, get them involved, let them help and feel part of everything. Your DH feels torn, if you have the kids all together hell feel more at ease, they'll feel at ease and you'll have your DH with you. The kids will be delighted to be part of the plans, it's how it should be

OP, it's understandable to want him. If this is your first baby you're heading into the unknown, feeling vulnerable - it's one of the biggest events of your life, of course it feels massively important to you. But you can't lay claim to him like this. One of the things you really get to understand when you become a parent is that the kids come first. Really. Always. You fit your needs around theirs.

Here you're looking at it from your own perspective and no one else's - you're heading for this huge once-in-a-lifetime event, and the weekends with his kids are just ordinary family weekends that they've done a hundred times, so you want to be the priority. But imagine being a kid and not seeing your dad for two months solid because he was busy with his other child. Think of the baby you're about to have and then imagine not seeing him or her for two months.

This is tough on you. The big lesson of being a parent is that however tough things are and however crap you feel, the kids come first. Norovirus? The kids have got it too, you have to get up and stagger about with buckets. Devastating day at work? Still have to produce dinner and get them to bed before you can flop down and cry. Having a second or third child? The older ones still need you just the same as they always have.

tip it on its head - his current dc are struggling and need to see their dad more so he stays near them for 6 weeks and doesn't see you or baby, how would you feel?

Just to add another success story from a 6 hour weekend round trip.

I went with my oh to get both step daughters up to about 40 weeks.
I stopped when dd was born for about six months. Yes Sundays could be a bit lonely but I made the best of it with dd. Would not have bothered me at all if I had lived near family and friends at the time but we didn't.

When dd was six months we took her too, stopped at parks on the way. She was only sick once which was a bit of a pain but really she travelled well.

Dd is 8 now and is an amazing traveller. I hear people complain about a six hour journey with kids. It would not phase my dd at all.
9 years on step daughters visit by train. It feels like the travelling was only yesterday.

It really does not last forever.

Bit of an odd set up. Where does he stay with them. His ex's house?

Wow yabvu. Just call him when you have a contraction if he's away - you will very likely have time especially if it's your first baby.