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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to get my child out of the car to apologise?

344 replies

LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 17:38

I was leaving a supermarket yesterday with my children. As i herded them towards the car, the littlest, who happens to have very poor auditory issues, ran ahead and opened his car door against the door of the next car, and jumped in, oblivious, and put on his seat belt. The owner of the car next to us said "did he bang that?" and looked but there was no damage. She got in the car with her child, but then her friend, about to get into the passenger seat, said "please get him out of the car to applogise." I refused, I said i would speak to him about it and in all likelihood he wouldnt have known he had done it. She was quite insistant, and i continued to refuse politely and put the others in the car and I said he is 6 and has [a form of] autism. She said 6 was nothing but would "let him off". I did speak to him and he was very sorry and I am sure he wont do it again, but I dont think there was anything to be gained by humiliating him in front of a stranger, and it wasnt even her car!

aibu?

OP posts:
misshelena · 20/02/2017 16:55

Actually Cat I just reread OP's first post she said that ds has "a form of autism". I think that's what made me think that his autism is not of the most severe type, where there would be a "full autistic meltdown".

YouTheCat · 20/02/2017 16:56

She didn't say he was severely autistic, and neither did I. You don't have to have a severe form of autism to find enforced contact with a stranger to be very distressing.

My dd, who is an Aspie, would have found that incredibly upsetting.

She is very able to apologise for herself as an adult but at 6 it would have been out of the question. Many people will make apologies on behalf of their children, whether they have social anxiety or not.

Thinnestofthinice · 20/02/2017 16:56

If you read above you will see my closest relative has autism. I have every idea. This is nothing to do with the child, I think I have made that point countless times.

I get that we all take our eye of the ball, I really do. Again I get its 100000 for ASD parents. In the OP's shoes though I would thought 'shit that was a bit too close for comfort, what a daft weird woman she was. Least she shut up and pissed of once I explained. Next time I need to get him to hold onto the trolley or my hand and not let him open doors. That could have gone a lot worse- not a good moment'.

Instead the OP doesn't seem to have grasped that and has posted online basically slagging off the woman and accusing her of disabilism. A woman who heard a loud enough noise to get out of the car she was sat inside. She also accused me of not liking autistic people until I made it clear autism is a huge deal for my own family. She is then is slagging off anyone who says she might want to rethink things on a forum called 'Am I being unreasonable'. Which in itself suggests the situation you find yourself in may have been caused by a degree of unreasonable behavior on your own part.

Explain to me the logic behind that. 12 pages in and I'm still baffled. I will reiterate again- the problem is not the child at all but the lack of supervision for the child. We all drop the ball occasionally but then surely have a moment of private reflection of how to avoid it happening again. Posting on a public forum about a stranger being lippy as a result of us dropping the ball is a weird reaction. I honestly don't understand why people are bending over backwards to back it up.

Thinnestofthinice · 20/02/2017 16:57

100000 harder

YouTheCat · 20/02/2017 16:57

My god, your ignorance is quite astounding on this matter. I'd suggest you go and educate yourself.

You don't have to be severely autistic to have meltdowns on a grand scale. You really have no understanding about this at all.

misshelena · 20/02/2017 17:00

Cat - I will admit that I don't know autism intimately, not is that what I have a problem with. I am reacting, like I pointed out in my first post, to OP's description of having to apologize for one's own mistakes as "HUMILIATING". It simply is not.

YouTheCat · 20/02/2017 17:00

That was to 'misshelena'.

Thin, you just keep banging on. It was a momentary lapse and there was no damage to the car or the child. You still keep presuming plenty, even when the OP has put you straight on what actually happened.

misshelena · 20/02/2017 17:05

Cat! No need to be so aggressive. I do not know about autism intimately not do I plan on doing so. But I have the right to take issue with OP's description of apologizing for one's own mistake as "HUMILIATING". Again -- it is NOT. There is no need to call me "ignorant".

YouTheCat · 20/02/2017 17:10

But you are being incredibly ignorant, so I think there's a need to say it.

Thinnestofthinice · 20/02/2017 17:13

Well no she hasn't... if she had I would understand this thread. Even an acknowledgement that it was a total one off I'd understand. But all she has done is attack anyone who disagrees, apportioned blame to in my eyes the wrong people and not look inwards. Her lookout though, we won't agree so I'm going to stop wasting my time. My concern is primarily her son. I will stop banging on though, it's pointless all round Grin

DixieNormas · 20/02/2017 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 20/02/2017 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 20/02/2017 17:35

Thinnest, you are fictionalising AGAIN!Shock

"A woman who heard a loud enough noise to get out of the car she was sat inside."

That is absolute bollocks, and conjecture on your part AGAIN! The woman concerned was behind me, didnt see anything because i was in the way, as was my trolley and two other kids, and all she could have seen was her friend examining the door.

She was behind us all the way around the supermarket too, for what it's worth. But your insertion of fictional events is staggering! Shock

OP posts:
CaraAspen · 20/02/2017 18:05

Why are you still going on about it

Why is anybody still going on about it?

CaraAspen · 20/02/2017 18:07

To refuse to get my child out of the car to apologise

Above is the thread title. If the OP cannot accept that others will possibly have different points of view, then she should not have posed the question. You cannot expect to get pats on the back from everyone, OP.

LouKout · 20/02/2017 18:33

There's a lack of a pat on the back snd then theres a ridiculous flaming for days

Thinnestofthinice · 20/02/2017 18:46

OP I have no idea what you are getting out of this thread now so I am politely not replying and continuing it further. Am honestly done Smile as I said this morn before I very stupidly got embroiled in this thread again and wasted my own time on it (which is my own failing), enjoy your day (now evening) Smile

Original poster
LionEggMeg · 20/02/2017 18:54

Good.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 20/02/2017 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SauvignonBlanche · 20/02/2017 19:13

I wanted reassurance that you will take that in as I don't want to think of your little lad getting hurt

My concern is primarily her son

How patronising! Shock

Thinnestofthinice · 20/02/2017 19:17

Yup just fan those flames a little bit more Grin zzzzz

YouTheCat · 20/02/2017 19:18

Oh! You're still here? I thought you'd gone.

Thinnestofthinice · 20/02/2017 19:21

Keep fanning Grin

YouTheCat · 20/02/2017 19:23

Okay. I'm on holiday for a few days and don't have much planned.

Olympiathequeen · 20/02/2017 19:26

I wonder if the person opening the car door onto the side of their car had been a beefy, burly man, she would have demanded an apology?

I doubt it. It was just a way to bully a harassed woman with children.