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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to get my child out of the car to apologise?

344 replies

LionEggMeg · 19/02/2017 17:38

I was leaving a supermarket yesterday with my children. As i herded them towards the car, the littlest, who happens to have very poor auditory issues, ran ahead and opened his car door against the door of the next car, and jumped in, oblivious, and put on his seat belt. The owner of the car next to us said "did he bang that?" and looked but there was no damage. She got in the car with her child, but then her friend, about to get into the passenger seat, said "please get him out of the car to applogise." I refused, I said i would speak to him about it and in all likelihood he wouldnt have known he had done it. She was quite insistant, and i continued to refuse politely and put the others in the car and I said he is 6 and has [a form of] autism. She said 6 was nothing but would "let him off". I did speak to him and he was very sorry and I am sure he wont do it again, but I dont think there was anything to be gained by humiliating him in front of a stranger, and it wasnt even her car!

aibu?

OP posts:

2014newme · 20/02/2017 10:03

What's "like autism" mean?
Children shouldn't be able to run off in busy car parks especially if they have hearing issues and can't therefore always hear approaching traffic.
You were in the wrong op but I agree I wouldn't get him put the car to apologise just supervise more carefully nrxt time or even better shop online!

fairweathercyclist · 20/02/2017 10:04

I was in a car park a few months ago and a group of women were in the car next to me. One of them opened the back door and it did knock my door. I doubt they even knew they'd done it, they were so high spirited.

I've also done it on occasion - car spaces can be really narrow and you don't always judge the distance correctly- in fact sometimes the only way to get out of the car is to let my door rest gently on the car next to me. It is highly unlikely that you get a dint in your car from these types of incidents, either, and if you do, it'll be a tiny one. It's not like running a shopping trolley into the side of the car. I

It is nothing to do with parenting. It can happen to anyone of any age. Cars are designed to be used. They get scratched and scraped.

Original poster

LionEggMeg · 20/02/2017 10:05

Thinnestofthinice " honestly think her child does this frequently"

What the bloody hell are you on about? This is what i mean about projection and extrapolation!!!!! That's nonsense, based on whatever is drifting over your frontal lobe, and not based in reality. Your posts are getting steadily odder and they were fairly strange to start with!

OP posts:

PegaGryf · 20/02/2017 10:06

I'd have made my child apologise, but the second she "insisted" id have told her to fuck off and got on with my day tbh. It's only a car. These things happen.

Musicinthe00ssucks · 20/02/2017 10:11

You shouldn't be allowing your children to bang open car doors. Open the door yourself and it won't happen. You and your children need to respect other people's property.

OneWithTheForce · 20/02/2017 10:12

Oh look, someone else who can't read but can't somehow make words appear on the screen.

YouTheCat · 20/02/2017 10:15

Ffs! It's not even my thread and I feel like banging my head off the keyboard.

treaclesoda · 20/02/2017 10:15

I'm all for showing respect to other people's belongings but the way some people react when talking about cars chills me sometimes. I used to be friends with a man who in his late teens was beaten unconcious for walking too close to someone's car. Not for scratching it, or even touching it, but he walked too close and the man leapt out of the car, asked wtf he thought he was doing and punched him to the ground and continued to beat him until he was unconcious. The attacker was charged with gbh, and wasn't even remorseful, and he admitted that his car hadn't been touched. But still said he was provoked because his car was important to him. It wasn't even a fancy car, just a bog standard hatchback.

Thinnestofthinice · 20/02/2017 10:20

Yeah alright. Think about your frontal lobe please, you seem to be continually missing my points deliberately and getting rather embroiled in the fact I twice had my doors dinted. This doesn't bother me anymore- both cars are long gone. Projection is a word you use far too much without real understanding, and one I may gently suggest (based on your very inaccurate assumptions about me and my life throughout this thread) that you may suffer from yourself.

If nothing else, please supervise your son getting in and out of the car. I don't really understand why asking you to ensure your son is safe in the future would upset you. If you already do, every time, then fantastic :)

demisphere · 20/02/2017 10:22

Your apology was sufficient OP. It's not even like he even damaged the car.

Bollocks would I get a 6yo back out of the car to apologise on somebody else's say so, NT or otherwise.

Thinnestofthinice · 20/02/2017 10:22

And treacle soda ^^ those sort of people is why I'm really bothered that the OP supervises her son. People like that would not have any empathy about autism would they? Not supervising him highers the risk of having a run-in with those types of weirdos!

Original poster

LionEggMeg · 20/02/2017 10:23

Thinnest, look at what you wrote! " honestly think her child does this frequently"

Based on what???

You could also speculate on what i have for breakfast frequently, and be equally inaccurate! It's bonkers!

OP posts:

Thinnestofthinice · 20/02/2017 10:27

Is this the first time they have let go of your hand and opened the door by themselves? If yes, then I agree with you! But I would be at pains to state this in OP if so. I'd also be making a big point of the fact I apologized to the woman. Remember we only have your version of this to create a picture. So if important things are missing then yes I will make assumptions.

Moreisnnogedag · 20/02/2017 10:28

Fucking hell. You know in real life I don't know anybody who would be such a dick to another person. Ok I don't give a shiny shit about my car and if someone dinged it, Especially if they told me their child has autism, I'd tell them not to worry about it. Because, you know, they're probably having a crappier time of it than me.

Also it wasn't even the fucking driver who was arsey but the random bloody mate. So she's not being previous about her car she's just sticking her oar in to get her daily fix of drama.

Mysty · 20/02/2017 10:31

You are not being unreasonable at all ! I would have told the woman to jog on ! No damage done - no apology needed surely ? Let alone anything else.

Original poster

LionEggMeg · 20/02/2017 10:40

Thinnest, so your gripe is that, in your opinion, there wasnt enough detail in my first post, AND that the detail you needed, which related to later posts, wasnt in m first post? Riiight.

OP posts:

JassyRadlett · 20/02/2017 10:42

But I would be at pains to state this in OP if so.

Turns out everyone isn't the same, and what some people 'would be at pains to state' others think 'hey, people are generally decent, won't jump to the worst possible conclusions, embellish liberally about 'children running across carparks' and in some cases go for all out invention to justify having a go.'

It's unfortunate that the behaviour of some posters drives the former, rather than the latter, behaviour.

Original poster

LionEggMeg · 20/02/2017 10:42

"Yes i will make assumptions" Thinnest, you may as well on that basis assume that he ran around the car bashing it with a metal bar.

OP posts:

bumsexatthebingo · 20/02/2017 12:25

The op did say that she usually locks the car door thinnest so this isn't a frequent thing. If you're going to get really invested in a thread and arguing about what happened then you should really read all the ops posts at least.

Katy07 · 20/02/2017 12:34

When I read people saying that they would be livid and furious if they got the slightest scratch on their car it always makes me wonder how many people have got that level of rage bubbling underneath the surface. It scares the life out of me.
Ditto with the ones though who would immediately tell someone to fuck off. Why do people feel the need to escalate so quickly? Do people not have civilised exchanges of views these days?
(Makes mental note to stick to online shopping and avoid supermarket car parks with furious car owners and sweary parents)

Sisinisawa · 20/02/2017 13:23

My dd is 7 and autistic. I always remind her to be careful not to hit the next car with her door as she flings them open otherwise.

Yanbu for not forcing him to apologise but yabu for thinking it was ok to bang the other car.

Original poster

LionEggMeg · 20/02/2017 13:27

Sisinisawa "yabu for thinking it was ok to bang the other car."

Where on earth did i say that?!

OP posts:

Voice0fReason · 20/02/2017 13:29

yabu for thinking it was ok to bang the other car
Could you point out where the OP said anything that gave you the impression she thought it was ok to bang the car?

Original poster

LionEggMeg · 20/02/2017 13:35

This is getting bizarre!

OP posts:

treaclesoda · 20/02/2017 13:39

Lion isn't it strange how you were the person who was actually there and witnessed it all and yet so many people know better than you do what happened?

To go back to a point made earlier, I very much doubt if the OP is in the habit of allowing her kids to trash other people's car every time she goes into a car park, because if she was she would clearly be the sort of person who doesn't give a shiney shite and therefore would be unlikely to be aware of the other person's displeasure.

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