To refuse to get my child out of the car to apologise?

[LionEggMeg]

I was leaving a supermarket yesterday with my children. As i herded them towards the car, the littlest, who happens to have very poor auditory issues, ran ahead and opened his car door against the door of the next car, and jumped in, oblivious, and put on his seat belt. The owner of the car next to us said "did he bang that?" and looked but there was no damage. She got in the car with her child, but then her friend, about to get into the passenger seat, said "please get him out of the car to applogise." I refused, I said i would speak to him about it and in all likelihood he wouldnt have known he had done it. She was quite insistant, and i continued to refuse politely and put the others in the car and I said he is 6 and has [a form of] autism. She said 6 was nothing but would "let him off". I did speak to him and he was very sorry and I am sure he wont do it again, but I dont think there was anything to be gained by humiliating him in front of a stranger, and it wasnt even her car!

aibu?

Yes Cara, thinky. Fucking thinky.

Lion clearly they should be made to apologise. From this thread it seems like a scarily large number of people secretly think they should apoligise for existing. And then their parents should apologise too.

I guess lonely has happened on the cure for autism. Apology. Just make all the autistic people apologise and they'all be cured. It's so simple, I wonder why no-one else has discovered this.

Lion Mc Sweary Meg - I've just scanned the thread and can't see any mention of you having apologised before your little boy was asked to. Surely you'd apologise as soon you arrived at the car having seen him swing it against theirs.

I wouldn't have made him apologise. There's no way I'd have let him be harangued by an adult passenger after I'd already apologised to the driver.

LionEggMeg

Yes Cara, thinky. Fucking thinky.

No need to be offensive.

Cara click away then.

Those saying ASD is no excuse to stop a child apologising clearly have no clue what it can be like to parent a child with ASD. My 8 year old cannot physically speak to strangers, even nice ones in a comfortable setting. she cannot make eye contact with anyone including myself at times. To get her out of the car in a situation like this I would have to physically pull her out of the car and there would be no apology at all. She is going to speech and language therapy because she cannot speak to strangers, professionals or well known family friends if they are not seen regularly as part of a routine. But at the same time she can talk for hours to close family aboit minecraft if the situation is right for her. Each case of ASD presents itself differently, each child has different triggers, different triggers and behaviours. However in this situation the ASD is irrelevant the child acted his age, 6. He may or may not of opened the door onto another car, the owner had to question if it happened, which makes me think it couldn't of been hit with any real force, there was no damage on inspection and the OP apologised even though she could of easily denied any wrong doing. The owner wasn't fussed and carried on. A third party then demanded an apology? "I'm sorry I may have/almost/didn't hit you friends car with my door" really? One apology is enough which was aimed at the owner. Much more than I'd get around my area - here they hit your car and laugh

Make me.

Lion Mc Sweary Meg - I've just scanned the thread and can't see any mention of you having apologised before your little boy was asked to.

18.06, 18.13, 18.27, 21.26. She apologised to the driver of the car, before the passenger got out and demanded the child apologise.

Surely you'd apologise as soon you arrived at the car having seen him swing it against theirs.

She was already at her car.

Lol jassy

Ignore cara I think she just comes by here to goad. And there was nothing offensive in your post.

Do elaborate, Coriolanus. I don't see the humour in having a go at an OP while being too lazy to read the thread, but that's just me...

Roguerebel that's it in a nutshell isnt it? That there is a significant section of society who truly think that a neurological difference is nothing more than a combination of naughty children and poor parenting.

It's astonishing. As astonishing as a significant group of people who believe that their skin colour makes them superior to other races. And equally offensive.

Just checked it again Jassy. No mention of the point at which she apologised. You'll need to get me a quote. I'll be prostrate with apologies if you can.

The whole interaction was over very quickly and as i have repeatedly said, i went cold as it happened, and apologised! When else would i? What's your point exactly?

Actually your point is to just be goady isnt it. Carry on. Knock yourself out.

You're right, she didn't give an explicit timeline. I extrapolated from the description of the incident, where her interactions about the bump were with the driver, who was then back in her car before the passenger got out.

OP, correct me if I got it wrong? It seemed pretty clear to me, but Coriolanus clearly has superpowers that elude me (eg knowing that a bump was in fact a 'smash'; knowing that it was a 'busy car park', that he 'flung' the door) so she may have knowledge I know not, being a mere mortal who can be arsed to read the thread and try to represent people fairly.

X-post, Lion. As I said, it seemed pretty clear when your posts were put together.

But some folk can't bear to admit they were wrong, so have to try for a loophole.

JassyRadlett your guess is as good as mine, perhaps we are in the presence of greatness.

Corialanusburt, you might consider changing your user name to The Metatron?

It's this sort of thinking that causes issues for real ASD parents to access any professional help. And it's people who say it's down to poor parenting that made me question myself everyday until I managed to see the pediatrics doctor. I went into that meeting expecting to be sent on parenting courses, have SS involved etc but instead I was told that I was doing a great job and that no parenting style would help without understanding the triggers of my child which actually as the parent we all know our own children we know how far we can push and we know how best to get a message across so it is understood. You don't need justification from anyone in your parenting choices, I actually read that alot on here but seems it's selective in who it's aimed at

Hi op

I wouldn't get any of my children, NT or otherwise out of a car to apologise - I would just, as you have, apologise myself. Maybe in the street if they bumped someone, then I do try to get them to apologise.

I'm just wanting to reassure you because I wonder why you changed from auditory issues and saying he had 'a form of autism' (which I thought you were using as short hand for the auditory issues) to asd and auditory issues?

If you feel you need to exaggerate his issues to avoid flack from posters, please don't, it's completely unreasonable to get a six year old back out to apologise for something that has had no ill effect whatsoever to the non owner of the non damaged property.

RogueRebel spot on. At my son's diagnosis i cried, not because i wanted an excuse for his behaviour, but at the wave of terror that engulfed me that i couldn't fix it. That no amount of parenting courses, and books, and getting him out of the car to apologise to strangers, would make any difference. It felt like the floor fell away, and two years later it's only now that the panic is subsiding.

Noeuf thankyou that's very sweet. Sadly his conditions need no exaggeration. But i take your point.