AIBU to want to curl up and die

[Cottonheadedninnnymuggins]

Just had yet another row with DH because he doesn't get enough sex. Yet again he's told me I'm not normal, I don't wear make up often enough or make an effort for him, I'm not feminine enough.

I've gave up everything to support him through ten years of studying for his chosen profession, I've forgiven an affair (which destroyed me) and given him three beautiful sons. I'm tired, his business is failing and he took a huge pay cut years ago, the stress is intolerable. I can't sleep and no I don't feel like having fucking sex. I feel like I can't carry on, but there's no way out. I feel worthless.

You're not worthless. You're not nothing. You're someone in a shit awful situation doing her very best. Get out.

The very best example you can set for your boys is by leaving this excuse of a man. See this through, you can do it!!!

You're not an empty shell, you're a woman full of potential for a new life when you LTB. Good luck with your applications.

Awwwh x OP I feel an afinity towards you with just your username!

I am 45 with 2 ch. Have been unwell and barely got dressed before home time, never mind make up! But I have always been supported & loved.

What strikes me is, WHY has he not moved heaven & earth since his infidelity to show you how sorry he is and grateful AND lucky you chose to stay with him. I'm sure most of us have 'dips' in our marriage, but this isn't a 'dip' it's a rupture!
I love your humour in light of current situ, stay retired whilst thinking of England, As a women, a mother, an independent and for not settling for anything less than you deserve and you absolutely do deserve to be happy.
Set the wheels in motion towards a happier life and in turn, perhaps a happy vagina !!🌸😀

You are totally amazing OP, never forget that xxx

Hurrah for the job application, Cotton! Hope you get it. Keep moving forward, stay strong in your self belief, it will grow more the more you do.

Hi OP, how's it going? I'm hoping that you're still feeling empowered.

Just read this and seconded, I hope so much that you are pushing forward to freedom, you sound amazing - and good luck with the job!

Just read this and seconded, I hope so much that you are pushing forward to freedom, you sound amazing - and good luck with the job!

cotton

I'm concerned about your references to anxiety. Is this just normal anxiety about the big decisions you are making and how that is going to go down with your DH? Or is there a chance he could turn violent?

One of the reasons I ask is because sometimes anxiety can be alleviated if you make that mental separation. But this will sometimes involve turning round to your DH and saying it as it is. No longer be worried about hurting feelings, or saying, what has previously been, the unsayable. It can be very cathartic.

But if he is likely to turn violent, it's also very dangerous.

Thank you for all your lovely responses, sorry I haven't been back sooner but it's beyond shit here now. Husband's business is really struggling and we now haven't been paid for two months meaning we've missed two mortgage payments. So I'm fucked basically, my anxiety is at an all time high, can't sleep, can't eat. I don't know what to do or where to turn. Oh the irony, not wanting to unsettle the two oldest boys because they are coming into exam season yet I'm more than likely going to be putting them through a repossession. What an utterly useless, worthless piece of shit I am. Where did at all go so wrong...actually I know where it went wrong, when he had his affair I should have left him, carved out a fresh start for me and my lovely boys, I let them down. Thankfully he's stopped badgering me for sex, I think the penny has finally dropped that its not going to happen. So where do I go from here, what the fuck do I do. I have no energy, the life has been sapped out of me.

You keep going with operation free the fanny. Seek advice from the Citizens Advice Bureau or a solicitor.
Don't let this financial setback stop the bigger picture. You can't stay in this situation because of the chance of a repossession.

You are not a useless piece of shit. You were blinded by doing what you thought was the right thing at the time. Everyone can change their perspective with the benefit of hindsight.

Keep going Cotton, you have us behind you

I think you'll find he's the useless shit. Businesses struggle for many but given his lovely personality perhaps that's not helping him any.

Oh and women only sit back and think of England if a) they don't want sex b) they have a shit lover or c) both! Speaks volumes about his ability then!

If you met him you would think he is one of the nicest men you have ever met, everyone loves him. He's good looking, charming, extremely kind and helpful, and a company director to boot. If you needed him he would be there. Totally different story at home, he maintains his external facade yet me and the children are completely in the shit. I'm scared if I'm honest, I'm going to lose my home, I'll have to rehome my beloved dogs and where the fuck are we going to end up. One thing I am sure of, if I have to leave my home I'll be doing it in the opposite direction to him.