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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to curl up and die

164 replies

Cottonheadedninnnymuggins · 18/02/2017 21:45

Just had yet another row with DH because he doesn't get enough sex. Yet again he's told me I'm not normal, I don't wear make up often enough or make an effort for him, I'm not feminine enough.

I've gave up everything to support him through ten years of studying for his chosen profession, I've forgiven an affair (which destroyed me) and given him three beautiful sons. I'm tired, his business is failing and he took a huge pay cut years ago, the stress is intolerable. I can't sleep and no I don't feel like having fucking sex. I feel like I can't carry on, but there's no way out. I feel worthless.

OP posts:
Mottlemoth · 18/02/2017 22:27

God, leave him. Please. Make a plan and go. I left my twat of an ex 3 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. I'm 'me' again instead of a stressed wrung out she'll and it's fucking fabulous.

Scrumptiousbears · 18/02/2017 22:28

Oh OP.

Why are some men such cunts. I suppose he keeps himself in shape for you does he? Probably not.

You deserve better. We all do.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 18/02/2017 22:29

What a shame you didn't explain to him, the reason why you don't make any effort for him, is because he is an ignorant, abusive, obnoxious, full weight tosser ! 😡
You are certainly not worthless, but if you stay with him, he will drain your energy and zap your confidence.
By the way, your personality still shines through in your writing.
There's life in you yet girl. 😄
Time to shape up, and ship him right out !
Do not, on any account, sit back and let him control you.🌺🍷🍰

Thattimeofyearagain · 18/02/2017 22:29

You are still a confident, brilliant woman your just being dragged down by an utter twat of a H. Cut him free and find yourself again Flowers

Ginkypig · 18/02/2017 22:29

Are you a sex doll? No? Then he is talking shit!

My grandmother divorced her husband of 41 years and 4 children in her 60's she has just had her 72 birthday and can belive she wasted so many precious years of her life with him. She says it's the best decision she ever made leaving him and loves her life now!

If she can do it so can you begin your life over and spend the rest of it enjoying life and being free!

IMurderedStampyLongnose · 18/02/2017 22:29

Have my first ever LTB.You deserve so much better,and without him dragging you down your life will be so improved.It doesn't have to be like this.

Milliepede · 18/02/2017 22:29

I don't wear make up, am not really feminine, my legs are like a tarantula's and our sex life has been none existant for a few months becuase I have excruciating hip pain. Yet, my husband still says he loves me, thinks that I am gorgeous and I know loves me deeply. This is how a husband should behave, kick the fucker out.

BitOfFun · 18/02/2017 22:30

OP, if you feel so low that you may be thinking about suicide or harming yourself, please contact The Samaritans- you can email them if you can't talk x

MrsNuckyThompson · 18/02/2017 22:31

I have never said this before but good lord: LTB.

Longdistance · 18/02/2017 22:31

My fanny would close up being with him too.

Please LTB x

ThoraGruntwhistle · 18/02/2017 22:33

What an atrocious excuse for a man. 'Never mind what mood you're in, I want sex, so shut up and provide a hole for me.' Jesus.
Sort out finances and get rid of him asap.

honeyroar · 18/02/2017 22:36

Make a big effort, put on that make up, get all dolled up, really turn his head. Then hand him some divorce papers and go out and meet someone else worth spending your future with.

Carollocking · 18/02/2017 22:37

You have all the support in the world here so don't do anything silly over an ignorant man,makeca plan and get rid and enjoy life after

nursy1 · 18/02/2017 22:38

You are still feisty, funny and confident. I can hear that still.
You are just worn down. DW. It will all come flooding back as soon as you get some space to have a bit of peace.

happypoobum · 18/02/2017 22:40

Oh OP, I have been in your shoes. I thought I would never have sex again.

Funnily enough, a while after leaving XH I found myself in a very sexual relationship where I was absolutely gagging for it.

LTB. Get yourself mentally and emotionally recovered. Then live the rest of your life to the full without this toxic waste of space.

Italiangreyhound · 18/02/2017 22:41

Cotton I am sorry to hear this. What do you want to do?

Original poster
Cottonheadedninnnymuggins · 18/02/2017 22:43

Thank you all, you've made me laugh when I feel like crying! When he had his affair the children were 7,5 and 2. I found out when the OW's husband knocked on my door, barged in and started reading five months worth of emails in front of my boys. I wanted to leave, but like an arse listened to those close to me who told me he was a lovely man who had made a mistake and I should stay for the sake of the children. Fast forward ten years and I wish I had gone when I had the chance. I know I can't carry on like this, we are financially knackered as we put everything we had into buying into his practice. The house is in negative equity, I am a freelance content writer, so the work comes as and when. So if I go I will literally leave with nothing, the eldest boys have A levels and GCSE's so I need to stay until they have finished their exams. I feel trapped, and need to find some strength so I can plan to leave.

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 18/02/2017 22:45

And you will be feisty, confident and funny again.... once you've got rid of him. He sounds like he has sucked the energy and life out of you for the last 25 years. Why stay with someone who is making you so unhappy and miserable. I know it's a saying that is over-used, but life is far too short to spend it being this miserable. Leave him to wallow in his own little pity party, and start a new more fulfilling life without him.

Carollocking · 18/02/2017 22:47

Then make him leave change locks and hoof out while he's at work and his rubbish in drive when comes back

Carollocking · 18/02/2017 22:48

Don't wait or you'll go back into drudgery and keep accepting do it quick,kids are plenty old enough understand

glenthebattleostrich · 18/02/2017 22:50

You aren't trapped, you have time to make a plan.

You have time to fine a better job / more freelance work.

You have time to get your hands on all the financial information.

You have time to find somewhere new to live.

You have time to apply for the benefits you'll need.

You have time to find a decent solicitor.

Be kind to yourself, he is a waste of emotional energy.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 18/02/2017 22:51

Tell him your fanny is capable of getting a full time position but he will always be a bastard. .

OnHold · 18/02/2017 22:52

You have a choice here. Stay with him and feel like shit or get out.

RumAppleGinger · 18/02/2017 22:53

You won't leave with nothing, you will have your self respect and possibility of happiness a bit further down the line.

Original poster
Cottonheadedninnnymuggins · 18/02/2017 22:54

Carol, 'drugery' that domes up how I feel perfectly. Somewhere along the line I've lost me...where the fuck did I go? I'm 46 years old and I feel like my future is gone. I just popped downstairs and he told me that he takes comfort in the fact that if I told anyone about our situation they would think I am abnormal. Maybe I should show him this thread!

OP posts: