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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to curl up and die

164 replies

Cottonheadedninnnymuggins · 18/02/2017 21:45

Just had yet another row with DH because he doesn't get enough sex. Yet again he's told me I'm not normal, I don't wear make up often enough or make an effort for him, I'm not feminine enough.

I've gave up everything to support him through ten years of studying for his chosen profession, I've forgiven an affair (which destroyed me) and given him three beautiful sons. I'm tired, his business is failing and he took a huge pay cut years ago, the stress is intolerable. I can't sleep and no I don't feel like having fucking sex. I feel like I can't carry on, but there's no way out. I feel worthless.

OP posts:
Itsgettingbetter · 18/02/2017 22:55

Sorry to hear this OP.

Children are more resilient than we think and they will pick up on your unhappiness.

You can do this.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 18/02/2017 22:57

No don't curl up & die, stand up & be strong -tell him to fuck off, the cunt. You don't have to explain anything, he knows why you don't want intimacy or sex with him, he's not stupid-just a cunt. Are you getting it yet?-he's a cunt & you & your DC deserve much, much better.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 18/02/2017 22:58

Abnormal?!?! Again, he is an absolute Cunt -he's making mAngrye rage on your behalf!!

Italiangreyhound · 18/02/2017 23:01

Cotton "Fast forward ten years and I wish I had gone when I had the chance." You still hvae the chance, it is not too late.

"I know I can't carry on like this" You do not have to.

"...we are financially knackered as we put everything we had into buying into his practice. The house is in negative equity, I am a freelance content writer, so the work comes as and when. So if I go I will literally leave with nothing, the eldest boys have A levels and GCSE's so I need to stay until they have finished their exams. I feel trapped, and need to find some strength so I can plan to leave."

Please talk to a solicitor to work out how best to proceed. The house may be in negative equity now but it won't be forever. I can't advise you how to do things but I know you can move on from this. Good luck.

Italiangreyhound · 18/02/2017 23:03

It may be tempting to show him the thread buy I would suggest not to. You can get advice here which will help you. Do not show your hand, cover your internet tracks.

Carollocking · 18/02/2017 23:07

Make sure you change passwords in your phone iPad computer etc etc

Original poster
Cottonheadedninnnymuggins · 18/02/2017 23:12

He's sleeping downstairs, I've emasculated him apparently, and I need to know that if all this ends he wanted me, it was me that didn't want him. He said he would sleep on the sofa until we sorted everything out in terms of the house and our finances, I told him he needs to go. Oh my goodness 25 years together and I am nothing more than a hole to him. He's going to leave because he doesn't get enough sex what a shallow, vain self entitled cunt from hell!

OP posts:
Thattimeofyearagain · 18/02/2017 23:13

Ok, start detaching from this dickhead and make a plan.
Solicitor
Entitled to website
Real life support for you.
Get this thread moved to relationships for more support from those who have been through similar.
You can get this twat out of your life op !Wink

Gazelda · 18/02/2017 23:17

Cotton, you know in your heart that he is a twat and that your future will be better without him. Play your cards close to your chest and plan your way out of this. Take some of the fantastic advice on this thread.

Original poster
Cottonheadedninnnymuggins · 18/02/2017 23:19

Thank you all so much, you've given me some much needed strength.

OP posts:
Carollocking · 18/02/2017 23:19

You'll look back and realise this is best day of rest your life,
I sent you pm

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 18/02/2017 23:20

Don't keep this to yourself Cotton, tell your friends and family, so that you are not alone, and they can support you.
Someone will be here around the clock.
You'll be okay Lovely 💐

Blossomdeary · 18/02/2017 23:20

This man is undermining your self-respect, your most valued possession. You need to turn that back on and say No to being treated in this way.

It cannot go on - please think about what lessons on how to treat women are being learned by your sons.

I am so sorry that you are in this situation and do understand how difficult it must seem to think of breaking the pattern of 25 years - but many have done so very successfully and I hope you can find a way through this.

IckleWicklePumperNickle · 18/02/2017 23:22

Jesus what a cunt!

Who cares about makeup, I very rarely wear any.

He's a waste of space. Get your ducks in a row, while waiting for your boys to finish the school stuff.
Look after yourself FlowersCake

Carollocking · 18/02/2017 23:26

Also sounds like if he's making an issue like he is now he's probably cheating again anyway and he's trying to end things by making it look like yourvthe one wrong.

Strygil · 18/02/2017 23:28

I'm astonished by the shallow, judgemental misandry of most of the posts on this thread. Without knowing any of the back-story of a long marriage, people are calling this man a cunt and worse.

DesolateWaist · 18/02/2017 23:32

I'm astonished by the shallow, judgemental misandry of most of the posts on this thread. Without knowing any of the back-story of a long marriage, people are calling this man a cunt and worse.

Any person of either gender who bitches and moans that they aren't getting enough sex and belittles their partner like this is a cunt. And I will call them out on it

dodobedoop · 18/02/2017 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thattimeofyearagain · 18/02/2017 23:34

Strygil Biscuit

johnwinstonlennon · 18/02/2017 23:36

as other posters said, talk to a lawyer. now.

AshesandDust · 18/02/2017 23:37

Cotton, you are in the prime of your life believe me. Flowers

notapizzaeater · 18/02/2017 23:38

He's sounds like a real peach !!

The boys are old enough to realise it's not a happy household

honeyroar · 18/02/2017 23:39

You already sound very strong.

Every time he says something horrible look straight at him and say, even if it's only to yourself initially, "why haven't I divorced you years ago and got myself a real, fanciable man? I'm worth so much more than you, you're nothing. And no, I'm never having sex with you ever again because you're rubbish at it." Then come on here and tell us all the pathetic lines he's spouts and we will all laugh together.

Reow · 18/02/2017 23:42

Wearing make up has nothing to do with being sexy or beautiful. How dare he suggest it is part of your responsibility as a wife or sexual female.

Get rid now.

Draylon · 18/02/2017 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.