For getting frustrated with my (almost) adult son?

[PissyBogRoll]

Son turns 18 next week.

Up until last year he worked in a newsagent (who he'd previously delivered papers for) but the guy laid him off. Since then he got got a Christmas job at Next but otherwise has really not tried to find employment since. On top of this he is CONSTANTLY nagging me for money, still expects pocket money yet has not made a full week at college since Christmas, refuses to tidy up his room (which is a pit if takeaway wrappers, crisp packets, cans, bottles, mucky clothes, mouldy pots, yogurt cartons etc etc) and is basically not doing much of anything except asking for constant handouts.

He's just messaged me from college saying he will get no university grants because of my income, therefore it's my fault he will be poor so I WILL have to support him.

What he fails to realise is 'my income' is mostly my husbands income who is not his dad, who has two adult kids of his own and who might not be thrilled about having to support a self entitled adult with an attitude through university!!

I know we're expected to support our kids through uni but his constant demands are making me reluctant not to mention his attitude, shitty comments (such as references to me originally being a teenage mother) etc etc.

He's also hoping to move out in July yet has no job and seems to think I am responsible for supporting him in this decision too.

AIBU here or what??? I feel like we're falling out in a bad way and our relationship is starting to crack. He feels hard done to. I think he's being entitled.

His father is on the scene by the way but he won't ask him for anything, just slags me off to him instead.

Quite shocked that people would put a holiday before helping their kids get an education though.

This is a kid who hasn't been to college for a full week since Christmas, so hardly keen on an education at the moment. If he's managed a full term of full attendance plus good grades, the talks about financing University can resume.

Not in my experience.

What is your experience, wishing? Have you worked with students in financial difficulty?

Well to be fair the OP hasn't said anything about his grades. (Actually she doesn't seem particularly interested in his education). They may well be fine.

My parents are fairly well off and didn't support me at university at all. I paid my own fees, bus fares, money for books, the lot. He needs to find a job.

Well to support yourself and pay your fees at Uni now Sherlock you'd need about £17k a year. Good luck with finding a part time job like that, that you can fit around your studies.

I got a phone call from one of my DSs college tutors a couple of weeks back saying he hasn't been doing his work or going to classes. He's 18 next month.

I took the phone I pay for off him and told him he could have it back in two weeks when he had 100% attendance and had done all work required.

He's done that, and he knows that of it happens again that phone will be taken off him again.

He's in his last few months and I'm not having him mucking it up now. He doesn't want to go to uni but I can't see him getting a job if he has crap A Level results because he couldn't be bothered. Who'd want to employ a lazy arse?

He gets a monthly allowance, and I also pay his bus fare for college. If he went to uni we'd not be able to afford to fund that. Like his older siblings he'd have to fund it himself.

If his parents can't afford it and he can't get help from the government in the form of student loans, I guess he's not going to university then?

There are some seriously deluded people on this thread. Who has the money to pay £100+ a month to their teenagers, pay for university, clothes, driving lessons, mobile phones? There's nothing wrong with him getting a part time job. And not a temporary one.

You're bloody lucky if your parents can

a) afford this
b) are willing to give it to you

Well to support yourself and pay your fees at Uni now Sherlock you'd need about £17k a year.

The fees don't get paid upfront, they come out of income later earned. Most students will never pay back the full amount. So that's £9k less. And he'll get the loan. The money he'd need to raise is a lot less.

tinkly you're talking absolute rubbish.

I'm getting slightly worried about appropriate pocket money for my DD now. Who is nowhere near university age but £20 a week when they're a teenager? Bloody hell.

Don't worry sherlock my 15 year old gets £25 a MONTH and has to do chores. We don't all spoil our kids rotten.

THANK CHRIST

When I said 17k I was talking to Sherlock who claims to have paid her own fees and supported herself.

Nowadays to do that she'd need 17k. Different times.

claims to have paid her own fees and supported herself
You're very rude, aren't you tinkly?

Says the person who accused me of talking rubbish . Why is it rubbish to say you would need 17k to do what Sherlock claims to have done nowadays?

You can't fund £2k a year? That's only about £170 a month. You work part time...

I too work part time and we'd struggle to fund a child through uni with me working part time. My eldest has opted to work for now, but has been told should she decide on a career path for which she needs a degree, we'll support her in getting it. If that means I need to increase my hours up to full time then that's what I'll do.

For all of you saying he needs to get a job, yes I agree, but have you any idea how difficult it is for youngsters to get work these days? Firstly most employers want them to be over 18, not 16 like it was in your and my day, and they also want employees to be fully flexible, and don't tend to give them set hours every week.

I do agree that students need to help in funding themselves, I worked part time since I was 14, and as a student, when being a student meant 30+ hours a week, I also worked about 20 hours a week on top, lived at home and still got my degree, but the world of work has completely changed in the last 30 years, there's no point comparing it to how it was then.

Umm, what's this claims business? I DID do this. My fees weren't as much, £3000 per year but I paid them whilst I was studying and commuted by bus to the university in my county. I studied literature so had to pay for the set texts too, four a week for each term.

I worked part time for 18.5 hours a week too.

tinkly, just admit it....you're a Tory aren't you?
The reason I accused you of talking rubbish is that you seem to be determined to piss off everyone on the thread. You accuse the low income boy of being 'loaded', your own friend of being mean and misguided, Op of not being interested in her own son's education, me of having the temerity to want a holiday, and you seem to be accusing sherlock of lying.

Well if you lived at home then you were supported weren't you? Unless you paid market rate rent. And there's quite a difference between 3k fees and 9k.

PissyBogRoll has said her son can live at home and go to Uni, but he doesnt want to. He would also qualify for a loan for tutoring.
I dont understand why she is getting so much hate on here while his Dad gets away scot free with paying nothing.

But the student doesn't pay the 9k till they're earning!!!

Low income boy was loaded at Uni. Fact
My mate is, in my opinion, mean and misguided.
OP is, in my opinion, not supporting her son to further his education
If you put a holiday before helping your child through uni then, yeah I think that's pretty crap
But no, I'm not a Tory. If I was a Tory I'd be very happy for bright working class kids to miss out on Uni, less competition for my kids innit? Actually I think all kids deserve to fulfil their potential and seeing some of the attitudes displayed on this thread is really depressing.

Bangs head against wall

Space Sherlock is saying she paid her fees upfront. I'm pointing out she needs 17k to do that now.