AIBU to ask this about c sections...

[pizzafrenchfries]

So I have another post on here related to a yoga teacher and a debate on c sections and bonding but after speaking to a few other mums in real life I would really like to know...

My son was born by an emergency c section. I was conscious but it all happened very quickly... anyway.... after the birth people constantly asked: 'were you ok with that?' (Having the c section) as if it was an option... my ex yoga teacher implied it would restrict on bonding, and now a few of the mums at one of the mums groups i go to have said a few times about how if you give birth bu c section you miss out on the birth/ it's harder to heal from a birth/ birth is a beautiful experience you can't share if you're having a c section etc etc.

So basically my question is am I being unreasonable to think that most of the time a c section isn't an option and so asking if you minded having one is a redundant question?! Why do people feel if it's not a vaginal birth it's not a 'proper' one or you haven't suffered enough? And do people really think (like my ex yoga teacher) that vaginal birth is the only way and are actually 'against' c sections?! If so what happens if labor doesn't progress do they honestly believe you should die?

I had a loooong labor ending in emergency c- section.
I couldn't careless what people think, important thing is my baby was born alive!

Your yoga teacher is an offensive fool. On the basis of her silly thinkyness, adoptive parents and children would never bond. She needs to put a sock in it.

Surely people are usually actually trying to be caring in a clumsy way. They are acknowledging that you had a frightening, horrid experience rather than implying it was a choice. Some people after birth traumas end up with PTSD and all sorts after birth (although obviously natural isn't always a bed of roses either).

It clearly isn't a choice and the bonding stuff is obviously total crap, however. And as for people being against c-sections .

I think you must have a very different antenatal group to mine because in the end all of us had C-sections apart from one (none by choice, all a mixture of unexpected emergency and planned for medical reasons eg breech/previous abdominal surgery).
This was a standard NHS class - I didn't go to a NCT class (there wasn't one near here) or pregnancy yoga so maybe that's the difference.

I had 2 emcs and I did feel I missed out on a natural birth experience, but just that, I don't feel it had any impact on the baby, bonding etc etc. It wasn't my ideal but in the bigger picture it didn't matter.

My third child was born by c section and we have a lovely bond- they tucked him in the bed next to me in recovery and he was kept with me at all times just like the other two

I hoped for a natural water birth and minimal drugs, I ended up induced with every drug possible given to me ending in an emergency c section, bonded great with my little girl, couldn't give a fuck about missing a natural birth. Had I had another child I would have had an elective section, my stomach muscles are totally wrecked, why wreak damage elsewhere? Annoyingly I still piss myself on a trampoline though and have no real excuse!

I don't think it's a redundant question as such, because some women do mind that they ended up having an emCS instead of their planned-for VB.

I have a friend like this - her DC1 had to be emCS (can't remember why, I think he was breech, it's a while ago!) and she felt "cheated" - so she was very keen to do VBAC with no.2.
However - her response when she'd finally given birth to her second child was to turn to her DH and say "which is it to be, snip or clip, because I'm NOT going through that again!"

So she got over feeling "cheated" but at the same time realised that, in reality, the VB wasn't that magical "birthing" scenario she'd been lulled into believing.

As for the bonding stuff - that's all nonsense as has been said over and over - a traumatic VB can cause more bonding issues than an emCS, especially if it's not under GA.

I can see why you appear to be "obsessing" over this - especially with the bollocks your MIL came out with - but I do think you need to let it go and realise that there are some dreadfully ignorant people out there who have preconceived ideas that they won't ever let go of. Best to just ignore them and walk away (as you have done with the yoga teacher).

My 'normal' birth left me traumatised and I resented my baby for a very long time, which seriously affected my ability to bond.

2 sections here, one after labouring to 10cm.

Load of bollocks and they can all fuck off. Hope that helps.

First baby: natural birth, gas and air, massive tear, infected sutures needing multiple trips to hospital, redo of episiotomy scar repair after 2 months...second baby: vaginal birth, gas and air, baby got stuck and came out blue and floppy (now fine), massive bleed, both me and DH traumatised for ages afterwards. 3rd: elective section, calm and lovely delivery, Bf straight away, scar healed beautifully, driving at 2 weeks. Def bonded more quickly. And yet I still felt a bit guilty for not 'having a natural birth'. It's such a load of bollocks.

My DTs were born at 28 weeks through emergency c-section (knotted umbilical cord, abrupted placenta and footling breech). If I had stayed at home 30 minutes longer that day me and my girls would be dead now. The c-section saved all our lives. I bonded with them just fine and love them more than anything on the planet.

A few years ago a 'specialist' on TV was saying how all women should have c-sections as vaginal birth is too dangerous . Obviously that is a bunch of crap, as women have been giving birth naturally for thousands of years, and I would have preferred to as well. However, my girls are alive because of a c-section and that's all that's important.

Ps I include the 'gas and air' bit because otherwise I've had judgy comments about how it must have been my fault due to position to birth, or that I'd had an epidural or wasn't meditating enough or something. Makes me so angry.

I have only had 1 VB so no comparison. But I can say that I hated giving birth and it really wasn't the amazing experience it's made out to be. I hated pushing and just wanted it over and done with as soon as possible. I bonded we'll with my baby but not because it was a VB.

At that matters is that your and your baby are safe at the end of the day. A difficult VB can impact on bonding as much as a c section.

Tell them all to do one, just ignorant people.

I had 2 sections one emergency and the other because of what happened 1st time, I watched my babies come into the world it was magical.

I didnt care how they came by then I was just glad they were here.

They are talking shit because they have nothing better to talk about . I had 4 vaginal births but 1 of them was assisted. I bonded more with the baby who was assisted in birth (forceps delivery) than my other 3 children. I felt we both went through the trauma together.

Maybe people ask if you were ok with it because it would be a bit insensitive for them to go on about their own brilliant and calm elcs by choice if you'd been desperate for a home waterbirth but had a traumatic emcs.

I've had 5 dc with 5 very different births, 2 cs and 3 vb. Obviously both of us being alive and healthy afterwards was the most important thing but given the choice I'd rather have vb. I found the pain with both about equal but with vb I had DH and a midwife with me during the painful bit being encouraging and looking after me. I didn't have to do anything for anyone else and I could do whatever I needed to do. With my cs's the pain was afterwards. DH had gone home, midwives were too busy for general tlc and I had a baby to visit and look after in nicu, milk to express, bottles and pump bits to sterilise etc. I found that really hard. Everyone is different though and deals with pain differently.

I think it's really bad to judge people by their birth choices and I've also had people tell me about how they would never have a C-section. I've often wondered what they would do in a life or death birth situation.

I do think we are all influenced by our own experiences. Eg my MIL had very painful AF's so if I mention to her it's that time of the month then she is full of sympathy even though I get virtually no pain at all. I had a very poorly baby at 5 weeks early so I'm often saying "Is he/she ok" in a panicked voice to slightly bemused mothers of perfectly fine babies born at the same gestation.

Personally I wouldn't choose a cs if I had a choice but I know some people do and I hope it goes well for them. Same as there are lots of things that other people choose to do that I would rather not. My DS1 climbed ben nevis about 18 months ago. I was enthusiastic and glad he had a great time but wouldn't do it myself and thank goodness I don't have to.

I don't think it's a redundant question as such, because some women do mind that they ended up having an emCS instead of their planned-for VB

But why do they mind, is the question? What role does the NCT/Crunchy yoga types play in convincing them that VBs are very desirable?

Not read all the thread but I had an EMCS after 26 hours of contractions and starting to go backwards with dilation! He just wasn't coming out though never got stressed. I feel no less bonded with him at all and love him so so much. I absolutely didn't want a CS before because I was scared of them, but I've healed well and feel very happy with it all. I breastfed and was up and about within a week (gently!)

It wasn't how I envisaged it, but it was fine and I don't feel I missed out on a 'natural' birth - it's no less natural to me at all.

I had both types of birth and was so traumatised giving birth "naturally" it put me off trying for another baby for 7 years. (DD was premature and ended up in SCBU for 2 weeks). Second birth was a C Section as baby was breech. I was told off by the NCT teacher as she felt I should have still tried to give birth "naturally" as it wasn't fair on the midwives as they rarely saw people give birth to breech babies. NCT teacher refused to believe that I had to have a C section just because baby was breech and made it seem like a shameful thing (which it certainly wasn't). I loved my C Section and had no problems bonding.
It doesn't matter how a baby arrives- just that mother and baby arrive safely.

I haven't read the full thread but this stuff winds me up like mad. I had an awful c-section after a failed 5-day long induction and failure to progress. My 11lb baby wouldn't engage and my bp rocketed. I lost loads of blood, had flashbacks and cried about it fairly frequently for a few months.

It's didn't stop a second of bonding with my little boy. Not a second. In the most severe post-op pain my son was the beacon, a ray of joy.

C-sections are not the 'ideal' - I get that. But they can be utterly essential and those that deny it or cast aspersions on mothers who have them need to have a word with themselves.

Oh and FWIW I bonded better with the baby who I had the worst birth with and bonded slower with the baby who I had a perfect birth with. I think it was because I felt with DS1 that after I'd had a perfect birth then surely something bad would happen, because nobody could be that lucky. With DS5 I'd nearly died and so had he. I felt fiercely protective of him which I'm sure helped our bond.

I had both my children by C Section. DS was an emergency after I had been induced and epically failed to progress. He began to show signs of distress and thus the sunroof option was used.
With DD I wanted a CS but was initially talked into VBAC. However I categorically refused to be induced and said if there was no progress I reserved the right to ask for a CS. I spent 24 hours in hospital after my waters broke (had to go in as soon as that happened as I'd had a previous c section). They kept pushing for induction. I refused. 9.00 am the Consultant came round. I remember he was wearing a tie with a teddy bear on it. He looked at my charts and said 'So, what's going on here then? Ah, bugger all I see. C section it is then' and that was that.
Ironically I felt better after the Emergency than the semi elctive as my emergency was at midnight and due to issues that they had caused we were left in a nice quiet recovery room all night. With DD it was durung the day, the anaesthetist was an arse who commnented on my weight very unpleasantly and I was ignored for hours in recovery as they had another lady in with a huge family who bullied their way in and monopolised staff.
I have two amazing children and neither they nor I would be here if it wasn't for a C section.
For the record I have never felt I didn't have a 'proper' birth.

I've not had anyone ask me that. Mine was a planned one because of a breech baby. I've had people offer sympathy due to the healing time except one friend who things it's along the same lines as having a tooth removed. I bloody loved my c-section. Not sure what I'll do if I have another baby who doesn't need a c-section. I just loved the c-section so much!

I'd like to add that my NCT teacher was phenomenal, covered c-sections very well and when I called her during my failing induction recommended talking to the consultant about moving to a planned cs - she was a realist, experienced and very helpful. Not the nightmare 'try-some-whale-music' type.