AIBU to ask this about c sections...

[pizzafrenchfries]

So I have another post on here related to a yoga teacher and a debate on c sections and bonding but after speaking to a few other mums in real life I would really like to know...

My son was born by an emergency c section. I was conscious but it all happened very quickly... anyway.... after the birth people constantly asked: 'were you ok with that?' (Having the c section) as if it was an option... my ex yoga teacher implied it would restrict on bonding, and now a few of the mums at one of the mums groups i go to have said a few times about how if you give birth bu c section you miss out on the birth/ it's harder to heal from a birth/ birth is a beautiful experience you can't share if you're having a c section etc etc.

So basically my question is am I being unreasonable to think that most of the time a c section isn't an option and so asking if you minded having one is a redundant question?! Why do people feel if it's not a vaginal birth it's not a 'proper' one or you haven't suffered enough? And do people really think (like my ex yoga teacher) that vaginal birth is the only way and are actually 'against' c sections?! If so what happens if labor doesn't progress do they honestly believe you should die?

[KayTee87]

It was opinions like this around needed medical interventions, of any sort that put me off structured yoga/meditation etc

Please don't be put off, my yoga instructor is brilliant. I went to prenatal yoga with her and now mum & baby yoga, soon I will be going to adults only yoga and my baby is becoming too mobile for mum&baby. She has had a section and a natural birth. One of the ladies in prenatal was having a planned section and she would tailor some of the poses and breaths specifically for her. There are no judgements on any births or feeding or anything at our class.

[Astro55]

I had a c section -- I felt the baby was whisked away and cleaned etc before I could see/hold her - I couldn't even see her!!!

With second birth I had him in my arms in minuets

I know which I'd prefer - but as a choice - you have to chose safety above all other considerations

[Welshrainbow]

People who think that are deluded. My DS was born by emergency section and I don't think it affected bonding overall but I have to admit that the rush of love that people talk about wasn't there, the whole situation was so stressful and when he was born and needed resuscitating pure fear was the only thing there till much later. I believe a planned section would have been very different though so don't think it is section vs vaginal birth making a difference but the circumstances of an emergency section can make binding different. For me anyway. However how people can say you haven't suffered enough if you have a section is ridiculous.

[Anatidae]

I loathe this whole 'everyone e can breathe out their baby painlessly as long as you just relax/be morally and spiritually superior ' shit.

The difficulty and pain level of a birth depends on the the position of the baby on the day and how that interacts with your physiology and any other issues/risk factors. So a baby that needs to rotate almost all the way before engaging is going to take longer for example. The amount of pain you feel is not some marker of your mothering ability. It's physiology.

I had a c section because Ds had placenta And vasa previa and I didn't fancy us both bleeding to death. Anyone who starts spouting this shit at you needs a. Hysterical laughter as you ask if they are an on/gun and b.) educating on the HORRIFIC toll of childbirth related mortality and morbidity in countries where there's no decent medical care. Talk to them about obstetric fistula for example.

We are INCREDIBLY lucky to have good medical care. Motherhood isn't defined by birth and more than a good marriage depends on a fancy wedding. A 'good' birth gets the baby out with the minimum of physical and psychological damage to mother and infant. That can be a vaginal birth, or a c section or any other variation, what matters is treating the mother with respect and appropriate intervention as needed.

Your yoga teacher is probably quite flexible so I'd suggest that she could stick her opinions up her arse.

[Anatidae]

Ob/gyn... not on gun !

[RufusTheSpartacusReindeer]

Preferred the recovery of my two csections to the 'natural' one

Bonded quicker with the two cs ones as well

It was only 12 hours for ds1 (natural) but i was crawling off the operating table after the cs to get to dd

people are stupid OP and you cant argue with stupid

[RufusTheSpartacusReindeer]

Oh and the reason i had to have the two cs was that i was so badly damaged by the 'natural' birth

[LurkinMerkin]

Pile of utter pish. My two nieces are both section babies and are delightful, well adjusted, loving and very loved. I am having a planned section in 5 weeks time and so excited about meeting my little girl. I don't have any choice in the matter due to medical history but it makes no difference to me.

Bonding is so much more than the 'birth experience' that people place huge pressure on themselves about ( or have certain expectations put on them). it is the effort that parents put into nurturing their child while they are in the womb and once they are in the world.

Don't let anyone take away from you how incredible it is to deliver a baby, no matter which route it takes.

Absolutely tell your yoga teacher to get back to her lentil weaving and keep her baseless and unwelcome opinions to herself.

'Were you ok with that'
'Yes I was'

[Uhohmummy]

Sorry to hear that KayTee. I had a similarly awful first experience and my baby ended up in NICU. Second time around I had a planned c section and the whole experience including recovery was so much calmer and happier. I do feel a pang when I think about both births though as I feel I didn't do it "properly" either time but I realise that's totally irrational and just down to my own emotional issues.
I was worried about bonding before I had my c section but now find the idea laughable- absolutely no issues there.
Your yoga teacher should be more responsible.

[SpaceDuck]

Before I had DS I absolutely dreaded the thought of a c section. I was screaming and crying as they wheeled me to theatre after his heart rate dropped for the 3rd time, because that's how much I didn't want one. But I had no choice. After, I recovered really well and in a way I'm kind of glad I had it. I would probably elect to have one next time if I could. I would say bonding took a little longer than I expected but that may be because DS was in the nicu for 4 days.

I bet these women saying all this, wouldn't refuse a c section if theirs and their babies lives depended on it

[fourandnomore]

I've had two vaginal births and a planned c section. I have strong bonds with all of my children and although the c section took longer to get over for me, both physically and mentally as it went very badly, this has not affected my relationship with my children at all. I am just glad we are all here, healthy and able to tell the tale. Childbirth is not easy however it happens. I wouldn't be continuing with that yoga session in a hurry!

[maybeIamtoo]

I remember your previous post about yoga instructor and your MIL. I must say I'm glad that yoga instructor is now ex instructor.

Anyone who thinks that bond with baby after c section is impossible/delayed/not as strong is plain stupid, at the very least ignorant.

Every single birth and postnatal period is different, just like every woman is different and so are the babies/circumstances etc.

Do not engage with those utter idiots.

Enjoy motherhood, enjoy your baby, they grow way to quickly.

Please do not worry/dwell on opinions of others, there is simply no point.

[Moonywormtailpadfootprongs]

Had a C-section with the first...


Having another one in a few weeks with #2, this time by choice.

WHY?! ... because I can't be bothered... I'm in and out... it was offered, I'm a whimp. But it doesn't make me any less of a woman or mother.


Also I'm the second woman in my family to have had a c-section.... I was congratulated !

I'm also a massive fan of the epidural.. why suffer!

[littlepooch]

I had an EMCS and I still feel my birth was a very very positive experience for me. I am pregnant again and will absolutely have a c section again, this time planned. Even with it being an emergency it was such a wonderful experience and baby came into the world so calmly. I actually recovered a lot faster than my friends with natural births with no lasting effects and I actually feel that helped me bond much quicker. In no way do I feel I didn't bond with my baby. People who spout this crap really piss me off. Just because your baby doesn't pop out of your foof doesn't make you any less of a mother.


I used to have a friend like this - always banging on how my biggest mistake was not hypno birthing or having a doula and how sad she is that I didn't get my birth experience.

[flumpsnlumpsnstuff]

I had 2 both classed as code red, dd2 my dm came in with me as dh said he couldn't bear it again I classed both as I produced a healthy baby via the sunroof option
However dd2 I needed 8 units of blood and coded during the birth. Dm told me 3 days later she had always wanted to be at a birth and I was chuffed I made that happen until she said since she couldn't do it with me my dsil had said she could be at hers !
Apparently it was magical

[Megatherium]

Ask them whether they've ever had any emergency operations and whether they were OK with that.

[Mehfruittea]

I had a c section. My baby would have died or been severely disabled if I hadn't. I would also have suffered damage to my hip joints that would have put me in a wheelchair immediately and be unrecoverable.

The damage to my hips during pregnancy was enough for me to now need a wheelchair 5 years later. I've had time on my legs with him, walks in the park, dancing around the living room and memories that can never be taken away.

C sections are wrong? Utter bollocks from those with an inate inability to show compassion or have empathy for others. Twats.

[Trumpssyrup]

I have 5 year old twins, one vb and one c-section. I love them both dearly and it doesn't bother me a jot. The c-section was hard to recover from though so I wouldn't have chosen it but hey ho. We're all here and that's the most important thing!

[Carno13]

Load of old shit IMO!
I had my youngest DD by c section and we bonded fine, I breastfed fine.
It will all be fine :)

[MiniMaxi]

YANBU

This fucks me off as well

If you choose elective C section then you are obviously happy with that choice and good on you

Or you have to have it, eg for medical reasons or breech, in which case it's for the best

Or as in your case and mine, it's got to be done quite urgently (sometimes very urgently) in the interests of keeping mum and/or baby alive. In which case, FFS! How could you argue with that or say it's not as good?!

[CaoNiMa]

What about people who didn't give birth to their children? By this yoga teacher's (skewed) logic, adoptive parents would, like, never bond.

[Yokohamajojo]

How ridiculous, my first DS was vaginal birth but second was a very close call emergency C Section where I was put to sleep, woke up and had him in my arms. Can't say I have bonded with them differently at all, just grateful that they were born healthy!

[Ledkr]

My first was a normal birth, all the other 4 were sections.
Its actually my first one that I had most trouble bonding with.

[Elendon]

I had three so called 'perfect' vaginal births but had had open pelvic surgery before that so understand. All my births were touch and go re CS due to previous surgery.

Yep! Tell them to fuck off. How disgusting to say that to anyone. Enjoy your beautiful baby.

[duxb]

I had to have an emergency section under GA to save my daughters life. It was as far from my birth plan as it could have been and I didn't get to hold her for five hours. The midwife placed her on me briefly when I was in recovery but due to complications, holding her wasn't an option.

I was devastated and it caused issues with my breastfeeding as my foremilk never came in properly.

My daughter is ten weeks old and we have the most incredible bond. I recovered physically very well all things considered and the most important thing is that she is here safe.

People with a negative opinion can f**ck off - without the section my daughter would be dead. It doesn't make me any less her mother.