AIBU to ask this about c sections...

[pizzafrenchfries]

So I have another post on here related to a yoga teacher and a debate on c sections and bonding but after speaking to a few other mums in real life I would really like to know...

My son was born by an emergency c section. I was conscious but it all happened very quickly... anyway.... after the birth people constantly asked: 'were you ok with that?' (Having the c section) as if it was an option... my ex yoga teacher implied it would restrict on bonding, and now a few of the mums at one of the mums groups i go to have said a few times about how if you give birth bu c section you miss out on the birth/ it's harder to heal from a birth/ birth is a beautiful experience you can't share if you're having a c section etc etc.

So basically my question is am I being unreasonable to think that most of the time a c section isn't an option and so asking if you minded having one is a redundant question?! Why do people feel if it's not a vaginal birth it's not a 'proper' one or you haven't suffered enough? And do people really think (like my ex yoga teacher) that vaginal birth is the only way and are actually 'against' c sections?! If so what happens if labor doesn't progress do they honestly believe you should die?

I had a planned c section due to placenta praevia the first time followed by a bad. Both have pluses and minsues and I don't have issues with having a planned c section it was the safest way for me and DD.

But truthfully I preferred the vbac yes it was two hours of constant contractions, ventouse and leg in straps due to DS falling heart rate but the adrenaline rush when he was born was amazing and therefore personally I preferred that. I also found the not having a epidural meant I could walk and look after him much easier than with DD.

But it has not effected my bond with them, DD knows that she was born differently to her brother (she is 8 and has seen the scar) but it's not an issue

As to what I would do if I had a third (not planning by the way) I'm not sure, DS was quick and another one would be quicker and not sure I would want to risk giving birth in a car so it would need some thought

The real truth is that giving birth is simply a means to an end, the goal simply being the baby born safely (and that is not always the case) and does it matter how that goal was achieved.

I approached my first birth having done NCT classes and virtually memorised the timeline they give of each labour stage how it would feel and how long it would last.
I had a birthplan in place and listened religiously to hypnobirth CD.

I knew I would breath in golden light and use this to breathe my baby out!
I would understand contractions are not pain and each one was a simple mechanism of bringing my baby into my arms whilst I lay in my water pool...

Four day, missed back to back labour, no pain relief, baby in huge distress, meconium in water, forcep delivery, episiotomy etc etc.

Some of my friends had the labour I thought I could order so it does happen but I think selling the idea to women that you are in charge if the experience when there are so many variables is unhelpful in the extreme.
You really never know what you are going to get and although women should be empowered with choices it should be clear that they may not happen and you are no less valid because of that.

Interesting to me that after this labour it was commented on that I was a warrior as i had endured it with no pain relief!!
To me that was literally the least important and stupidest thing about the whole experience!

I went on to have an elective c section which also did not go to plan, again vigorous forcepdelivery delivery, huge loss of blood and BP crash..

Again I think being very kind to women after any kind of birth should be paramount, I would like to see less of the birth announcements that include the fact no pain relief was taken, yes be proud of yourself it that floats your boat but please don't shame other women whose experience you have no knowledge of.

The 'heroing' of no pain relief is bizarre. In what other sphere of life would we willingly go without pain relief? You don't get people having operations with no anaesthetic getting treated like rock stars, do you?

I don't think it's a redundant question as such, because some women do mind that they ended up having an emCS instead of their planned-for VB

But why do they mind, is the question? What role does the NCT/Crunchy yoga types play in convincing them that VBs are very desirable?

It is possible though for birth to be a really really good experience, I had one that was and one that was OK but bloody hard work. I think in answer to your question though the key is in the word 'planning'. It is largely luck, but some of the yoga types think that hypnobirthing etc can overcome all and that intervention is always a problem. It leads to some women feeling they have control over stuff they actually have no control over and that not achieving the perfect birth is somehow failure. The expectation is that the OP may feel 'failure' hence them asking if she's OK with it. Of course quite rightly she doesn't see it as failure so is just as to why they are asking such a seemingly ridiculous question

People have said things like that to me after my recent emergency section and it hadn't occurred to me that they were judging or being rude. I assumed they were genuinely checking how I felt about it. People tend to be interested rather than mean I find. My first was an all natural home birth and, yes, it was a much much nicer experience than my second. But, you know, it was nice for me and DD not to die, so the c section was pretty good in that regard. And I have a good bond with both of them.

I'm a yoga teacher. I've had two c sections. I in no way think that the way in which a baby enters the world affects the kind of mother you will be, the bond you will have with the baby, if they're going to grow up to solve the world's energy crisis or struggle to add 2+2 without a calculator. I do believe that yoga/breathing/mindfulness can increase the chances of a positive birth experience, it's fairly logical that a more open pelvis for example may make it easier for a baby to pass through it, however deep breathing won't change a breech position or pre-eclampsia for example - you can only control so much about your body - for the rest that's why we have doctors!

I don't mind the question asking how I felt about it, because I have friends who have had both kinds of birth have really strong negative feelings about both a vaginal birth and a caesarian birth, and to be honest it's a big event in most people's lives so I can understand the want to talk about it. However my answer is 'absolutely not, my birth's were brilliant - I got two wonderful, healthy children out of them who wouldn't be here if I'd stuck to my birth plan - and that's the point of giving birth - producing live children, birthing (like yoga) isn't a competitive event'.

DC1 was normal delivery, swift and relatively easy though 2nd degree tear.

DC2 was crash section under general anaesthetic, delivered within 10 minutes of problem being discovered (undiagnosed placenta praevia). I was in surgery for two hours so didn't meet DC2 till he was over 2 hours old. Missed his first cries, first feed, cleanup everything. I don't care - he's healthy and I'm healthy. I lost 4 litres of blood in about 10 minutes. If I hadn't had a section we'd both be dead.

Bonded just as well with both babies.

C-sections are amazing life saving things. Though I'd rather not repeat the experience!

The situation with my baby was very risky and the professionals felt that her life was in danger. They made the call that on balance she had to be born immediately. I had a crash section and my notes detail it taking 8 minutes from decision to delivery.

Who am I, or anyone else to argue with them, really? Yes I was unconscious, yes DH missed seeing his baby born. Yes she spent her precious first hour alone. But what was the alternative? I was given no choice and had no option to say no.

Even so, the risk of them eventually pulling a dead baby from my vagina was considered significant to them. Why would anyone question that?

I would've loved a water birth and a beautiful moment. We got none of that. But that's the way life goes sometimes and you have to accept it. You aren't entitled to perfection, no one is. Real life takes over.

Of course there is a risk you won't bond. But there is with any birth

I came out of our situation incredibly proud of us. We were like survivors of a war zone, squinting and hobbling and clutching our little baby triumphantly. I was so proud of our resiliance and bravery and pure grit and spunk. Honestly? What we went through was a billion times harder than a lovely birth so whilst we didn't get calm and laughs we got the satisfaction of knowing we could handle it, and we'd created a baby who was also a little brave fighter and would go far in life

I can only speak for myself but my first was an emergency section and I was so exhausted and drugged up that I hardly remember it. Spent an awful night in hospital and then came home with my baby and fell in love with him. Second was a planned c section and whilst I preferred it because it wasn't such a shock, it really wasn't a disappointment. Both my babies were delivered safely and I have fallen in love with both of them and not struggled to bond. I don't consider myself less because I haven't had a vaginal birth. I didn't get pregnant to give birth, I did it to become a mother.

I had c-section and it was a lovely experience. I felt a bond straight away and I was on a natural high for 48hours after. I will have a VBAC if possible but I can't imagine it being a better experience than my c-section.

After being pregnant for nine months it really doesn't matter how the baby was brought into this world. Ffs, adoptive parents weren't even at the birth and love the kid as their own too.

Just to add- I am the youngest of 4 girls. My mum had 2 emcs and 2 natural births where she and the baby would certainly have been better off if she'd been given a section.

My sisters have had 5 children- 3 emcs and 2 planned.

None of them could persuade medial staff to book them in for sections as they were told no reason they couldn't have a vbac. The sister who had the planned claimed medical grounds for heriditary reasons as it just keeps happening. Her midwife said it was very likely to be genetic but no one was going to bother finding out.

I know my childless sister will have to try for a 1st natural birth if she has children and it's a worry. What are her chances? She's bound to be another going through what we have

trainspotting that brought tears to my eyes.

My second section was planned - it was excellent. The nurse loosened my gown at the top beforehand, and I had instant skin to skin on my chest when baby arrived. It was the best bonding experience ever.

I had 2 c sections. First was an emergency after being drugged up for 2 days. Bonded fine. I didn't want a c-section but it had to happen. And it is not like I was particularly enamoured with the idea of pushing a baby out my vagina either!
Second time after much deliberation opted to have one. Recovery much easier and bonding completely fine.
Only ever seen negative comments around c-section on here to be honest. Usually women themselves saying that they feel guilty almost for having one when usually it is out of your control. I do think people get quitr hung up on their birth plans as a way of controlling the situation and if it all goes to pot feel bad about it.
Anyway, no I don't think bonding is an issue with c-sections and people suggesting it are being at best insensitive and ill informed and at worst maliciously hurtful.

I chose to have a section and DD and I were very bonded. Total bullshit. I could see how it might be harder to bond if you've endured trauma or reached a crisis or emergency situation but I have no experience of that and that could arise in surgery or natural birth situation. This debate really boils my piss.

my emergency C section saved my life and my son's life ... it took a long time to get over this idea that I didn't have the magical natural experience. Now I would tell them to F off. Ignore them.

I had a "normal" birth with first dd which was actually really good and very quick and a section with second dd due to worries about placenta. I was a little sad I didn't have my second naturally as I weirdly quite enjoyed birth first time round and dd2 had to be taken away to nicu at first so I didn't see her for a few hours. BUT I think I bonded better with dd2 despite that as I was more relaxed second time round and struggled with PND first time. I don't think how you have them makes any difference past maybe the first day.

Plus if I'd have had my dd2 naturally she'd have quite possibly died as she was a footling breech.

Iv had both vagina birth amd c sec. Im jus as close to the one as i am the other.. as for.the question. If it was emergency u didnt really have an option did u. Brush it off and adjust ur crown. Dumbarse ppl

I don't think it's a terrible thing to ask a mum who hass had an emergency CS how she is with it. By default, an emergency CS wasn't her planned birth. It wasn't what she wanted. I don't think it's heartles to give her an opportunity to talk about how she feels about it.

Many women really beat themselves up about having a birth that wasn't what they'd hoped for. For these women healthy baby, healthy mum isn't ALL that matters. (There's a really good article by Milli Hill about this) and it's acknowledging that being denied the experience that they hoped and planned for may be a big and upsetting thing for them. For these women the "healthy baby and that's all that matters" line can be really, really hurtful, as it appears to imply that their mental state about the birth is inconsequential.

I'm a student midwife, BTW. I talk birth plans a lot, and spend time with women talking about their birth experience. I've also had 2 VBs myself, both hurt like fuck and I'd have much rather had an ELCS for the 2nd one.

The yoga teacher was incorrect and wildly insensitive, though. I think we can all agree on that one!

I think it certainly can be the case that c-section can affect bonding, especially if done under general anaesthetic (which is avoided if at all possible nowadays) and it can also be more traumatic for mother and baby (altho better than a very bad vaginal birth of course) and baby can miss out on certain health benefits of a vaginal birth..however it is certainly much better than a very traumatic vaginal birth! So it's all relative! what i dont agree with is the trend (in USA mostly) to give the option of a c-section for no medical reason whatsoever. but if there is a medical reason then fine, what matters is that mum and baby are fine!!

Well my son was in distress at 35wks and got worse when they tried to induce so they rushed me for a section soooo I would say that no I really didn't mind having the emergency c-section that probably saved mine and my baby's life.

I was (and still am) so very grateful to the staff for making that decision. It was a very stressful time but all worked out in the end and now I have a happy and healthy 2 year old. The alternative doesn't bear thinking about :/

People who have an 'opinion' on your baby's birth need to be told to STFU and get a grip of themselves. Women do whatever needs to be done to bring their baby safely into the world.

Good job on making the right decision for you and your baby mamma xx

I just don't get this vaginal v c section thing. I had a horrendously long labour with my DD and she ended up being sucked out by Vontouse. Not pleasant at all!! Then my DS was even more awkward and I ended up with an emergency section. We did NCT and had a perfect birthplan in place with water birth blah blah blah in place but it all went to dogs at both births. The most important thing as Opal mentions is for it all to be safe and that we end up with a happy mum with a healthy baby in her arms.

And to add to my previous post, I had no issue bonding with either of my awkward babies in fact my c section DS is the brightest ray of sunshine in my life.