AIBU to ask this about c sections...

[pizzafrenchfries]

So I have another post on here related to a yoga teacher and a debate on c sections and bonding but after speaking to a few other mums in real life I would really like to know...

My son was born by an emergency c section. I was conscious but it all happened very quickly... anyway.... after the birth people constantly asked: 'were you ok with that?' (Having the c section) as if it was an option... my ex yoga teacher implied it would restrict on bonding, and now a few of the mums at one of the mums groups i go to have said a few times about how if you give birth bu c section you miss out on the birth/ it's harder to heal from a birth/ birth is a beautiful experience you can't share if you're having a c section etc etc.

So basically my question is am I being unreasonable to think that most of the time a c section isn't an option and so asking if you minded having one is a redundant question?! Why do people feel if it's not a vaginal birth it's not a 'proper' one or you haven't suffered enough? And do people really think (like my ex yoga teacher) that vaginal birth is the only way and are actually 'against' c sections?! If so what happens if labor doesn't progress do they honestly believe you should die?

[ElvishArchdruid]

There's a few things I really hate and one of them is the 'at all costs vaginal birth' crew.

I've had a section that was planned due to medical reasons, Mother Nature was giving me a nudge to let me know this was the only way. I see/hear people in my situation as it was, I say please don't do 'that' please consider the whats if's like 'X' in my case. It really scares me, I think generally any intervention is again Mother Nature, you should just be on the safe side, as you've got to live with the consequences forever.

I'm not saying that intervention is always necessarily dangerous, but I think we should trust our instincts and listen to our bodies more. If that means a section over vaginal birth so be it.

It wasn't fun having a section, but having a dead baby would have been less fun.

So your yoga teacher can stick her assertions.

[PussCatTheGoldfish]

No pain relief, forceps delivery - not even a gasp of gas and air as the forceps were going in and a doctor who asked 'if that hurt?', 3rd degree tear and a pph? Or a planned c section? I've had both.

Guess which one I recovered and bonded quicker from! And guess which one I'd still want to punch the doctor for?

Nowt wrong with a c-section!

[LaurieMarlow]

People can be really fucking idiotic OP. Pay her no attention, her opinions are both ridiculous and offensive. Actually, perhaps you should just tell her that.

I had an emergency C section under GA, baby was in extreme difficulties, I was rushed into theatre without ceremony, the consultant's words being 'we need to get that baby out NOW'.

It was as far from the dream NCT birth as it's possible to be. Yet it was a wonderful birth because I had a healthy baby at the end of it and that was far from a given.

Which opened my eyes to the fact that there are all manner of 'good' births. If i have a second child, a planned C section under local anaesthetic sounds like heaven to me. Lots of 'natural' births are traumatic and horrifying and leave mums with lasting emotional scars.

[TurquoiseDress]

The yoga teacher sounds like a twat.

The resistance to c-sections and making women feel bad about them is, in my opinion, ridiculous!

Bullshit like this gets on my nerves- discussing the whole birth thing as if you really have any "choices"- e.g. I would like a totally natural birth, no intervention or medications.
This just sets women up for failure!

For what it's worth, I had an ELCS for maternal request.
It all went fine with no complications- back at home in less than 48 hours.

Not issues at all with bonding with baby- it didn't cross my mind that bonding would be an issue, however I didn't do any ante-natal groups so that subject never came up.

I breastfed for the first few weeks too, before switching to formla because that was best for my baby.

[CatThiefKeith]

One emergency C-Section here. labour went on for three bloody days so by the time they gave me the GA I couldn't give a fuck how the baby arrived as long as we both made it through the process. Thankfully we both did (although it was touch and go) and are now as close as any mother and child I know.

Shan't be risking it again though - I'm terrified I will die and leave her!

[pizzafrenchfries]

Sorry I want to
Make it clear that I really didn't mind having a c section - I was actually relieved it was going to be over soon because I was in labor for that long! If
I have another baby I will probably be electing to have a c section just because of complications that occurred... I just honestly wondered if it was a common idea that c section = less desirable than giving birth (not because of the operation but because of the experience) I think
I'm just surrounded by earth mothers because every other mum I know had no Pain relief, water births etc!

[AssassinatedBeauty]

Both my children, and probably me as well, would be dead were it not for emergency c sections. My second c section was particularly stressful as it was very urgent and completely unexpected. No issues with my bonding with either of my children. Anyone who thinks I had any kind of choice is an idiot, doubly so if they try to suggest that it isn't "properly" giving birth. I gave birth to both my children, with assistance.

[TurquoiseDress]

the dream NCT birth

That to me sums up a lot of the bullshit surrounding childbirth

[TheFullMrexit]

Your talking about emergency c section which clouds water over a calm and planned ELC.
I gave birth both ways, and even though my first labour was text book - short under 10 hours etc, no major tears, no stitching etc I by far preferred my requested ELC which was calm, wonderful controlled and with far fewer risks. I much preferred having wound in stomach than being sore below, I was able to come at the baby from a rested - calm POV - we estb BF immediately and kept at it for three years.

I dont feel differently about either child - the birth made no difference to bonding or my feelings for them, only with the first I was shell shocked, hormones wild....sore etc.

ELC is a wonderful way to bring baby into the world and I think they should be more widely available to those who want them.

[Benedikte2]

Don't listen, they are bonkers. First you had no choice so even if they were correct (as they are not) you can't turn back the clock and its unkind implying your relationship with your DC will be inferior to theirs .
Secondly there are more reports in specialist journals about traumatic births affecting the initial quality of the mother child bond and a long hard possibly agonising vaginal delivery is more traumatic than a c section.
C sections are so common now (for good reason) that they are not regarded as being problematic and would be if these entitled acquaintances of yours were correct!
The only wonderful thing about childbirth in my opinion is the magic moment when your baby is delivered safely and is placed in your arms. The hole the baby emerges from is irrelevant.
Enjoy your baby and don't worry

[Spikeyball]

I had a c section the 2nd time because my first was stillborn unexpectedly and I didn't want to take the risk of my next baby not surviving the birth.
Anyone who talks about natural birth being the only way is ignorant.

[MsJamieFraser]

Unless they are you they know nothing, each birth differently, I wish I had a c-section, my births where horrific and I needed major surgeries for months afterwards, and I am still consultant care now, even tho my births where 11 years ago (today ) and 7 years ago.

Don't beat your self up, just look after yourself and your little one. Congratulations also.

[OverTheGardenGate]

They are talking utter bollocks and you need to ignore them

This. I had a planned C-section for my second due to the birth of my first child being particularly traumatic (baby suffered too) and I was worrying myself sick about
the impending birth. I had no problems bonding although, like you, I was
told by busybodies that it might happen.

It didn't happen, I was so bloody relieved to get her here safe it was a far better experience than the first time - and I am now pissed off that anybody would have wanted to plant the seed in my mind.Thoughtless gits. Ignore them.

[TheFullMrexit]

Lots of 'natural' births are traumatic and horrifying and leave mums with lasting emotional scars

More than we will ever ever know - I know too many women who have had medieval experiences but would never complain, or raise them - because they were so traumatised they want to move on. I know women who like me had so called great births but actually were emotionally pushed to the edge - again never ever recorded.

[Mia1415]

Your yoga teacher is being ridiculous (and rude!).

My C-section (DS was breech) was honestly the most amazing experience of my life. I will never forget that day, and seeing DS for the first time. It blew me away.

[KayTee87]

spikey I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't begin to imagine the pain you must have and still feel.

[Trifleorbust]

My birth wasn't a beautiful experience by any stretch. Well, there was stretch

Ignore.

[wonkylegs]

I can't stand this kind of bollocks it serves no purpose than to make the person spouting it feel morally superior (which is completely rubbish too)
I have 2 babies by c-section; an emergency one after a prolonged and exhausting 4 day labour and an elective one for maternal medical reasons
I bonded with both absolutely fine, the elective was an overall easier and less scary experience so was slightly easier but in both cases baby was given to me to hold almost immediately after birth.
I love both my boys, bonding was great & both have lovely chilled out personalities & are happy & healthy - the 8yo is a lovely young man, the baby we will see but so far is a happy little chap.

[pizzafrenchfries]

Spikeyball flowers for you i am sorry that happened. I do just feel so irritated that anyone feels able to dictate my relationship with my son, especially when it's something like how he entered the world...

We are contemplating adopting - if we do I will make sure to steer clear of any groups like the ones I've been going to I can only imagine the raised eyebrows unfortunately!

[MTB1003]

I really hate when people spout this rubbish. I have a very close bond with my DS born via c-sec. I had to have one due to a complicated pregnancy but I would still have chosen to have one regardless. No way was o going to go through Labour and all that. It didn't sounds like a beautiful experience to me, more traumatic and painful than anything.

[BluePancakes]

I've had a EmCS and a VBAC and neither birth went to plan (which, with hindsight, I think they could have done, which irks a bit). VBAC recovery was easier, solely because I got an infection from the EmCS which wasn't picked up for a fortnight (I was practically immobile until I was given ABs). In terms of bonding, with my first child I had HG in pg, had EmCS with infection, she wasn't a natural BFer, I had PND (and I think PTSD too, but that's self-diagnosed), so yes that was harder to bond with DD1 than DD2, but I would not entirely blame the CS, rather than my unfortunate circumstances. As others have said, a planned CS seems to be a lovely experience.

[novemberontrumpwatch]

I had two 'natural' and one section. No problems bonding with my baby and would have otherwise died so quite pleased it was an option, really, as would prefer to remain alive.

[pizzafrenchfries]

bluepancakes did you have hg in the second pregnancy? I had hg too, I've never met anyone who only had it in one pregnancy- glad to hear it can happen!

[skankingpiglet]

I read your other thread OP. Your yoga teacher is nuts.

I'd have loved to have had a VB and did my best to make it happen, but things didn't turn out that way. I've had one elective CS with DC1 (breech), then a crash CS under GA for DC2 (uterine rupture). I found the recovery easier and that I bonded quicker with DC2 despite it being the far more traumatic experience, so no link between bonding and intervention for me. As others have said, my desire for me and my baby to be alive trumped my need for a VB, and I'm under no illusions that if it wasn't for a CS with DC2 neither of us would be here.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Live baby, live mum: good birth.

These people are insensitive twats in my opinion.

I had two children by CS. Neither was a decision taken lightly.

Shitting as you push a baby out your foof doesn't sound like a bonding experience to me either. Both ways are equally hard I'm sure. But attempting to shame CS mums is awful.