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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to leave DD aged 4 alone in a hotel room.

308 replies

Chamonix1 · 16/02/2017 17:01

Going away this weekend, DH's parents are coming and have very generously paid for me and DH to go out for a meal, they said they'd watch DD in the hotel we are all staying in so we could have some time alone. Lovely.
However they've recently announced that they are going to settle DD in our room, call their room from our room and go back to their room and listen out for dd through the phone.
This doesn't sit right with me because surely hotel staff etc could access our room, what if they don't hear dd?
I'm trying to work out if I'm being precious here or if other people agree. It is making me feel a bit uneasy. They don't want to have to sit in the room with her as they'd need to be quiet so they didn't wake her... what the verdict mumsnet?

OP posts:
GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick · 16/02/2017 17:33

No, sorry, I couldn't leave DD like that.

We lived in a big hotel for a while when I was 8 and DB was 6 and my parents would go downstairs for dinner some nights with the baby listening service on. It never bothered us as we were both there and the hotel was familiar (and even 6 is a lot older than 4), but I wouldn't do even that myself.

In your circumstances, listen to your instincts I think. They are saying no and so you wouldn't be happy all night. Thank them v politely but explain DD has to be with them or you.

Trumpdespiser · 16/02/2017 17:33

Does your dp have a say in this? I would say 'sorry, no, I wouldn't enjoy myself', either stay in the room with her and watch a film quietly/read or they take the dinner spot. I'm not a precious parent by any means, but that's not on.

Original poster
Chamonix1 · 16/02/2017 17:33

Giddy
They issue isn't that they want to be in their room, it's that they don't want to be in any room with dd asleep as they won't be able to relax/have a rave/ very loud sex/ whatever it is they need to be in a separate room for Grin

OP posts:
jay55 · 16/02/2017 17:33

Let your in laws have the meal. Order room service for the three of you and have some family time.

happypoobum · 16/02/2017 17:33

YANBU. I would cancel the meal as I would think they will begrudgingly agree to stay in the room and then bugger off as soon as you are out of sight.

No way would I agree to this.

brasty · 16/02/2017 17:34

Giddyaunt I am assuming they think they will have to sit in silence in darkness.

Original poster
Chamonix1 · 16/02/2017 17:34

Trump
He does, yes. I'm going to talk to him when he gets home. I don't think he has considered the risks just thought "yay child free night!"

OP posts:
tovelitime · 16/02/2017 17:34

We just started doing this at Xmas when my eldest was 14 so no way to a 4 year old

Lunalovepud · 16/02/2017 17:34

Absolutely not, under any circumstances. I don't care if it makes me precious either.

brasty · 16/02/2017 17:35

OP if you are worried about them saying they will stay, and then not staying, suggest DD stays in GPs room, and you collect from room and put her to bed. And don't give them the key to your room.

kittybiscuits · 16/02/2017 17:35

I would also politely decline any future offers of babysitting.

Giddyaunt18 · 16/02/2017 17:35

It's just the sort of thing my MIL would suggest. She likes to appear helpful but wouldn't want to spoil her own evening! If they won't i'd cancel , eat out early with DD, then relax in your own room with a drink or two.

WhatLizzyDid · 16/02/2017 17:35

YANBU. Never would I agree to this.

itsmine · 16/02/2017 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CallingGloria · 16/02/2017 17:37

Remind them of little Madelaine McCann. Now way!

This is what came to my mind.

I'd probably settle her in a pushchair ( 4 years old I know!) and park her next to my table. Not very romantic, but at least I would relax and enjoy my meal.

unlucky83 · 16/02/2017 17:37

What about a baby monitor - especially one of the video ones?
Or any type of surveillance camera -if they are really close - say in the next room?
I have a basic camera with night vision and a motion sensor - if was about £40 iirc years ago. And it is wireless. It only comes on if there is any movement - which means that if you have the screen on it will suddenly 'light up' if there is any movement - which you are more likely to notice quickly than someone moving in a normally still image - if that makes sense.
With the phone thing - if they are listening to the TV there will be low level noise in the room with DD anyway and they will have to have the volume down to listen for any noise from her room anyway down the phone.
Years ago I stayed in a hotel with a listening service that was through the phone - but they told me if there was any noise in a room they were notified (by a flashing light iirc) no-one was actually 'listening' as I guess it would be too easy to get distracted, not be able to hear.
Also I guess it depends on the hotel - how big it is, how noisy, location of the rooms etc - actually I would find out if the hotel had any kind of baby sitting service too...

beargrass · 16/02/2017 17:37

Definitely not. If this was the hotel babysitter's 'method', you'd both recoil in horror, right? Far better to have an awkward conversation and have them a bit pissed off for a bit than any of the alternatives play out.

Original poster
Chamonix1 · 16/02/2017 17:38

Brasty
That's a good idea.

OP posts:
Rachel0Greep · 16/02/2017 17:38

No way. I'd suggest that they keep her in their room, let her fall asleep there, and you collect her on your return.
If they don't agree, change the meal time, and take her with you.

katand2kits · 16/02/2017 17:39

Big fat nope from me too. It's totally different to using a baby monitor downstairs in your own home while your child sleeps upstairs. Completely unacceptable in this scenario.

Thirtyrock39 · 16/02/2017 17:39

If it's awkward to say this to the inlaws I'd tell a white lie that is mentioned the set up to a friend who said it was illegal to leave a 4 yo unattended ....if def think in their room with a DVD/ iPad for a bit in pjs (we used to be able to turn lights back on when they had gone to sleep but did mean twenty mins sat in bathroom !)

bumsexatthebingo · 16/02/2017 17:39

If you suspect they might lie to you and leave her anyway I wouldn't want them babysitting full stop!

Lunde · 16/02/2017 17:40

NO WAY - but then I had to evacuate a hotel room in the middle of the evening with a 2 and 4 year old when the corridors filled with smoke (turned out that a family further up the corridor had thought it a great idea to set off fireworks in their room's waste bin and caused a small fire).

I would not be happy leaving a small child alone - there are all sorts of dangers in the room - baths, mini-bars, windows etc - not to mention the risk of wandering. There may also be legal issues leaving such a small child - for example if someone hears her crying and reports a child left alone.

Can you PIL not make an evening of it with your dd? For example get some popcorn and watch TV or a movie with her?

bookworm14 · 16/02/2017 17:40

I understand why they're not keen on sitting in darkness, but I still don't think I'd be happy with this. When we went on holiday last year with then-10 month old DD, we took it in turns to sit in the hotel room with her in the evenings (apart from one evening when we paid a babysitter to do it). Unfortunately it's what you have to do if you're staying in a hotel with a small child.

PuppyMonkey · 16/02/2017 17:40

Another no here.

Can you tell them hotel rules strictly stipulate no kids left alone in room or something? So that they don't pull the "oh we did this all the time in the Seventies" card?