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AIBU?

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Original poster

To consider having sex with a senior coworker?

169 replies

angieneri · 14/02/2017 21:15

I would love to get some perspective on a situation I am currently dealing with. I am 29 and single. A few months ago I broke up with a very long-term bf with whom sex had always been pretty awful. Consequentially my sexual life has been terrible for the last 6 years and I have yet to sleep with anyone after the break up.

I work at a big company where hooking up with and dating coworkers is pretty normalized and accepted. Most of my coworkers are young-ish and single, people hang out socially after work and get drunk together. I know of at least 5/6 people who are currently sleeping with/ seeing some other coworkers. That is not a problem in my company.

A couple of weeks ago a man who is very senior in the company (C-level executive) approached me during a Friday night out after work. We flirted a bit and we ended up making out (plus some...). It was absolutely wild, sexy, hot and thrilling Blush

This man is 20 years older than me and just highly unsuitable in many many ways. We don't work together as we are in different departments. Also, as I previously said, my company is pretty relaxed about dating coworkers so it would not be a problem from that perspective.

He is now pursuing me, I think just for sex. It would be just sex, but God knows how much I desidere having good sex after many years of sexual apathy with ex-bf. I have no feelings for this man other than a strong sexual attraction.

My question is: what do I do? Do I go for it? Do I play it safe and pull back?

Part of me wants to give in and just enjoy some crazy hot sex. The other part of me is terrified of having sex with someone who is so much older than me and a senior coworker.

Mumsnetters, please help Confused

OP posts:
dangerrabbit · 15/02/2017 09:24

How easy would it be to get a new job in your industry? And if people found out, how would it affect your reputation at work?

Things you need to think about before continuing.

Original poster
angieneri · 15/02/2017 09:34

"why the disdain about viagra?"

MissFrisbie no disdain about Viagra in general at all.

I think in this situation the idea that he might need it makes me feel like he is actually old. Like it highlighted how old he is compared to me. With or without it his age does not change, I know, but still..

OP posts:
Perfectjob · 15/02/2017 09:56

Who suggested that someone in their late 40s or 50s might need Viagra Confused.

Am doing a course at the moment where a 26 year old was telling everyone that the body starts decaying at 30 but there's always Botox. She also makes jokes about being like a menopausal woman because she feels the heat. I sit there thinking, talk to us in 20 years and you will realise how stupid you were. I also think she's ageist and rude. But I guess we always think people who are older than us are ancient.

Back to the OP, I would say don't shag someone at work. For lots of reasons.

And no he won't need Viagra.

HoHumming · 15/02/2017 10:22

He is 50 not 70. I don't think 20 years is ridiculously older than you! I'm sure he is not going around wearing a cardigan and smoking a pipe. What you are writing makes you sound very young but you are 28 not 18!!!

Original poster
angieneri · 15/02/2017 10:29

Hohumming I think I feel very young because I am relatively inexperienced for my age.

I was a vergin until the age of 21 and then I got into a LTR when I was barely 23. Since ending said LTR I have not slept with anyone. I have never been with anyone older than 30. To me a 20 years gap feels huge, although I appreciate it is a subjective thing.

So yeah, I am 29 but from a "sexual experience" perspective I might as well be 18 IYSWIM..

OP posts:
HoHumming · 15/02/2017 10:39

Your are nearly 30 so your ages are irrelevant. However, what is important is that you are sexually inexperienced and he is a player Youknow people in common, do you really think having a fling with him is a good idea?

Original poster
angieneri · 15/02/2017 10:43

Hohumming yeah probably it is a really bad idea. Very tempting though Confused

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 15/02/2017 10:44

To me age is only to be considered if you're getting into a long term relationship and is completely dependent on your own wants and needs. It's great for some but not right for others just like any other relationship factor.

You're just looking for a physical relationship. You're aware that he might be getting it elsewhere too. Hell, you might get it elsewhere too. Why does. Age matter if it's just about sex?

WanderLustingLane · 15/02/2017 10:51

Just have some fun, even if it's a one off bit of fun, it's not like you both want anything different

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 15/02/2017 10:52

how was the fumbling?? If that was full of promise I might bonk his brains out. Not in the Stationery Cupboard though. Maybe a swanky hotel

HoHumming · 15/02/2017 10:59

Well if it is tempting and you are both on for an open sex only affair, just go ahead.

If you are ok with getting booty calls, and being aware he may move on to the woman before you are ready to move on, then go for it.

He sounds like the type of guy I was very attracted to in my late 20s and mid 30s. I wasn't able to keep my feelings out of what I mistook for relationships though I wish I had. You are going i with open eyes. FWIW my two age gaps were 15 and 18 years, and neither were very good in bed. In fact one had huge hang ups. I was also inexperienced both sexually and emotionally. I think I was amazed they were interested in me at all.

pinboard · 15/02/2017 11:08

so he would only be the 2nd person you have ever had sex with?

I wouldn't then. for that reason as well.

Original poster
angieneri · 15/02/2017 11:13

Pinboard no, he wouldn't be the second person I ever have sex with.

Between age 21 and 23 I slept with 5 people, and then I met my ex-bf who was my 6th.

OP posts:
HighwayDragon1 · 15/02/2017 11:16

My mum gave me some advice that has stuck with me, and I will pass this wisdom to you.

You don't shit where you eat.

pinboard · 15/02/2017 11:20

sorry I read it that way - my mistake!

I just think you might end up getting more hurt than you suspect, if you say that in some ways you are 'more like 18'.

Good luck and I hope it goes well, whatever you decide! x

mortificado · 15/02/2017 11:31

Do it! And ime older men are better in bed! Blush

MumBod · 15/02/2017 11:34

Do it and then come back sand tell us all about it.

nosy bitch

Original poster
angieneri · 15/02/2017 11:37

Mumbod if it does happen I will totally come back here and let you guys know how it was! Wink

OP posts:
Cakingbad · 15/02/2017 11:50

I don't know why people are warning you that the man will drop you when he's had his wicked way with you, angie. That is possible, but it's just as likely that you will want to dump him when you realise he's a bit of a tosser. That is when it could all get nasty at work.

Original poster
angieneri · 15/02/2017 11:56

Caking to be honest I am envisioning this as a potential one-off fun night, as opposed to a regular FWB thing. I don't want to spend time with this man, other than one night of (hopefully) great sex.

I think once might be more than enough excitement given the situation..

OP posts:
Theharderitry · 15/02/2017 11:59

Due to his level, of the shit ever hits the fan for whatever reason, there will only be one winner and it won't be you. If you are happy to take that risk then go for it

chillx · 15/02/2017 12:04

Think about how you will feel afterwards, it could do you more harm than good. Go out and find someone to have meaningful sex with don't be this fellas toy for the night. Sounds like he's had many toys and throws them away when he gets bored. Personally I'm turned off knowing he has been round the block a few times. You deserve better than this don't cheapen yourself.

Gwilt160981 · 15/02/2017 12:08

Watch he doesn't go kissing and telling!

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 15/02/2017 14:57

IfNotNow Do you reckon he might need Viagra at age 50 (he is not 50 yet, although pretty close to that age) already? shockshockshock

Well, I don't know, do I? I've never shagged anyone that old! Grin
At your age (approaching 30) I was realising that there would only be a relatively short window of time that I could seduce beautiful young men, so that was more my focus.
But, yeah, if you are both single, why not. And I dont really equate sex to shitting, that's an odd expression.

HoHumming · 15/02/2017 15:03

Chillx has made a very good point. I know the culture of large organisations and while sex with colleagues is perfectly acceptable, people will talk. Don't fool yourself into thinking they won't regardless of your dept. None of that might matter, I'm not saying it should. But it is not a one night stand where you can forget all about it. You will see this man regularly. He will have friends in other depts. It could potentially label you in your workplace.

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