To consider having sex with a senior coworker?

[angieneri]

I would love to get some perspective on a situation I am currently dealing with. I am 29 and single. A few months ago I broke up with a very long-term bf with whom sex had always been pretty awful. Consequentially my sexual life has been terrible for the last 6 years and I have yet to sleep with anyone after the break up.

I work at a big company where hooking up with and dating coworkers is pretty normalized and accepted. Most of my coworkers are young-ish and single, people hang out socially after work and get drunk together. I know of at least 5/6 people who are currently sleeping with/ seeing some other coworkers. That is not a problem in my company.

A couple of weeks ago a man who is very senior in the company (C-level executive) approached me during a Friday night out after work. We flirted a bit and we ended up making out (plus some...). It was absolutely wild, sexy, hot and thrilling

This man is 20 years older than me and just highly unsuitable in many many ways. We don't work together as we are in different departments. Also, as I previously said, my company is pretty relaxed about dating coworkers so it would not be a problem from that perspective.

He is now pursuing me, I think just for sex. It would be just sex, but God knows how much I desidere having good sex after many years of sexual apathy with ex-bf. I have no feelings for this man other than a strong sexual attraction.

My question is: what do I do? Do I go for it? Do I play it safe and pull back?

Part of me wants to give in and just enjoy some crazy hot sex. The other part of me is terrified of having sex with someone who is so much older than me and a senior coworker.

Mumsnetters, please help

Norland I am sooo obviously not British

I read 'cocky and arrogant' as likely controlling and not giving shit about your feelings. He's not your manager but would you be happy for your line manager to know what's going on (your crush might not be as discreet about his latest conquest especially if he has a reputation which suggest information gets leaked!). Is that likely to affect your future prospects in the company? Do you care? If you do care about keeping certain image and reputation then i suggest you dont get involved. It's not worth it. World is a surprisingly small place and you're likely to find same people in other companies as they and you progress your career, are you happy for your reputation to follow you? I think i agree with 'don't shit where you eat'. I also think that ultimately you want a relationship so why waste time on this cocky and arrogant guy?..

...says she who shagged and married a coworker But this guy really doesnt sound like a relationship material...

I don't care about the money though and I don't think that sleeping with him would give me any financial benefit

Now, do keep up ang if he's the Finance Director, at least try to get a few investment tips while you're at it.

Daisy he is not the Head of Finance (just said that to give you an idea), but he is Head of another department. A department I am definitely not interested in getting tips about

Absolutely go for wild sex with an unsuitable man.

And keep us apprised of developments.

I really wouldn't. Leave him as a fantasy. It really will mess up your career there and he's not worth it. Can't stand men who sleep around and they're not good in bed imo that's why they have to keep switching partners.

Instead, why don't you join a gym and seduce your trainer. Go skiing and get off with the instructor. Or use OLD if it's a 50 year old you're after ... They will be all over you when they see your age and I'm sure there'll be some C Level execs out there.

Sorry your long term relationship was crap. Spring is nearly here though and I bet there's a new romance out there for you soon.

Close your mouth and open your legs.

As long as you are both single, and you feel safe, enjoy!

He sounds gross honestly. A bloke who just shags around.

You say that you are surprised he finds you attractive when he's nearly 50 and you are 20 something. you do realise that your body is young and fit and hadn't gone through aging yet?

I wouldn't shag him. Ew yuck, I'm thinking STIs. I'd find a nice man even if it meant waiting.

Don't sh*t where you eat. He is richer, more powerful and more valuable than you and it won't stay a secret. Unless you out no value on your career and are just temping you will only suffer heart ache and professional embarrassment.

it's probably a mistake you want to make at some point - i also think he might well be crap in bed, he sounds like a sleazy old man, but if you want to find out and are sure it won't cause issues at work then...

Is it just me, or have we had loads and loads of 'age gap' posts on Relationships, in one form or another,over the past couple of weeks? I mean many more than usual.

Haha age old dilemma. He's married I bet and suits both. Until some one find out haha. Occasional sex is one thing. An affair is another. His wife will hate you.

Smellyboot as I said previously I know for sure he is not married.

Go for it.
As long as you protect yourself that this will never be a relationship, you might get a month or so of being fuck buddies and that's it, he might have another one on the go a second well. If you start thinking the will change for you, that's when it's dangerous or if you fall in love, he will always be single and play around.
Always use barrier protection, you don't know where he's been ( or still going) and regular STI testing.
Have fun.

Angie if you sign up to OLD and tick the 'not interested in a relationship' box and set target at older men you can have your fun without your workmates being involved in any way. Why not do that?

You are single, he is single, go for it. Honestly, have some fun and enjoy yourself. I certainly wish I had made the most of opportunities I had when I was young and single. Now I am old and married it is too late.

There's a basic principle that applies with work relationships: don't shit on your own doorstep. It has all sorts of potential to go horribly wrong, and when it does it will be you chucked out of a job, not him.

Well, I guess this is why they invented Viagra.

IfNotNow Do you reckon he might need Viagra at age 50 (he is not 50 yet, although pretty close to that age) already?

Good Lord I don't know if I can do this..

Both single ?
What are you waiting for?

Of course he finds you a turn on OP you're 29 and his junior He's 20 years older and sounds like an arrogant prick expecting younger women to be interested in him just because he's oh wow got a good job.

By all means go and have fun with sex just not with this guy. I agree with pp, if he's so senior, what happens when he's done with you? He's not going to want a trail of ex conquests at work when he's moved on to the next one. Doesn't matter if he's not in your line management chain, if he's a head of department he ll have influence. At the very best it will be very awkward. Just imagine your co workers, your line manager finding out etc. I know you're 29 and full of hope compared to my cynicism but this is best kept as a fantasy. These things rarely work out the way you imagine.

By all means go have great sex, im sure there are plenty of older men wiling to help a 29 year old explore sexually.But yes the saying "don't shit where you eat," is a good one to live by.

50's not old when you think about home many hot actors there are around that age. If you can keep feelings out of it then why not but I'd make it clear what's what from the out so that if you decided no more he wouldn't be a prick to you. Even in a different department some people can make your life crap at work. If he's not like that it's still better to play it safe.