AIBU in thinking this is not racist?

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

At a baby group, and one of the mothers starts commenting on a father who is there, mentioning how she wouldn't say no etc. Then asked what we think
One friend turned round and said no he isn't my cup of tea.
Original lady asked why
She responded she normally prefers white men, not black men.
Original lady tells her she should be disgusted in herself and having a view like that is highly racist. She then asked me do I agree if she was racist in what she said.

I told her I wouldn't view this as racist, just personal preference.
Is this actually racist? Or is original lady just being a bit over the top.

"There's a lady on the BBC website today who's been disowned by her grandfather for marrying a black man"

How sad, my Jewish boyfriend could not tell his grandma about me. that was over 30 years ago.

Hercules I can't believe that woman was so rude about your dh. I wish you had Saud " Who effing asked you!"

navey, she said he wasent her cup of tea. And was pressed further by this woman.

"In that case aero she would have just said " he's not my type " she wouldn't have mentioned his colour."

She did, she then got interrogated about that.

If it were racist to only be attracted to people of a certain race, then it is sexist to only be attracted to people of a certain gender, ageist to only be attracted to people over the age of consent, and disablist to only be attracted to people who are of sufficient mental capacity to give their consent!

I think to dismiss any potential partner on the grounds of race is rooted in a subconscious prejudice, personally.

Why dismiss a person, regardless of personality/values/sense of humour, over something as inconsequential as skin colour (or hair colour, which is often rolled out on these threads - "well I don't fancy blonde men")?

My husband is Asian. Do I "go for Asian men"? Not especially. But I fell in love with an individual and not his ethnicity.

I find it very odd that people think that the colour of the person's skin that you fancy is a race issue. Would they react the same way if a woman said she preferred men with black hair and blue eyes? Or a man said he always went for blonde women? Of course not. So why is skin colour an issue?

Why dismiss a person, regardless of personality/values/sense of humour, over something as inconsequential as skin colour (or hair colour, which is often rolled out on these threads - "well I don't fancy blonde men")

Because sexual attraction is not something you decide, or approach logically. You don't decide to fancy someone after they have told you about their values. You just do, or don't.

Suggesting that sexual attraction is not at least partly based on looks is ridiculous.

"She said she likes white men not black. She didn't have to say that."
So when she was asked why he wasn't her "cup of tea" what should she have said?

Obviously NIna you think it's fine to dismiss someone because of the colour of their skin. I don't

Rather disingenous way of putting it. "Dismissing" and "not finding sexually attractive are not synonyms.

Of course it's racist.

Personal preference I personally have only ever dated white men and probably always will I simply don't find black or Asian men attractive for some unknown reason and it isn't rascism because I'll happily be friends with them and intergrete with them

Is "I prefer men to women" also dismissive?
Is "I prefer tall men to short men" dismissive?
Is "I prefer dark haired skinny men" dismissive?

Why is race a category that its not ok to have a preference, when every other is ok?

"Obviously NIna you think it's fine to dismiss someone because of the colour of their skin. I don't."
That's not what I asked.

Follow on question: What are your acceptable criteria for not finding somebody physically attractive?

Yes she was being racist 🙁

So finding someone unattractive because of the colour of their skin is ok? It's not racist?

It's normal. It's biological. If you think it is racist, can you tell us if that only applies to white people saying they don't find black people attractive? Is it ok if a black woman doesn't isn't attracted to white men, or an asian person doesn't to black people?

The problem is it isn't something people CHOOSE. To be racist you have to conciously decide not to like, whereas attraction is not a concious choice.

If you truly believe its not ok to be attracted to one race and not another, you must believe that its not ok to discriminate with attraction at all?

Depends on why she said that but from what youve said YANBU.
Some people are just not physically attracted to certain things and thats valid. I never usually find blond men attractive but then again i wouldnt say 'id never date a blond man' because maybe the personality of one would make me reconsider and its not like i find blond hair repulsive its just not top of my list for thinking 'yum' about.

I guess saying 'normally prefers' would mean that she may be open to dating a black man but it hasnt happened yet. Which isnt racist. Aside from physical attraction theres cultural differences sometimes.
Alot of black men i meet although sometimes very attractive have little in common with me culturally. Bearing in mind most black men i meet are men i worked with and who were mostly born in Africa... so its more that they are African in culture and although i enjoy their company to some extent i think id find it difiicult to really fall for any of them because of the lack of common ground in religious and cultural terms.
However there may very well be black men out there who were born in the UK who have a great deal in common with me who id be able to fall for so id never say 'id never date a black man'.

I don't think she was being racist.

You can't help who you fancy.

Racism is about far far more than who you fancy.

So by this logic, if I don't want to shag a woman (I'm a woman) am I being homophobic?

Genuine question!