AIBU in thinking this is not racist?

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

At a baby group, and one of the mothers starts commenting on a father who is there, mentioning how she wouldn't say no etc. Then asked what we think
One friend turned round and said no he isn't my cup of tea.
Original lady asked why
She responded she normally prefers white men, not black men.
Original lady tells her she should be disgusted in herself and having a view like that is highly racist. She then asked me do I agree if she was racist in what she said.

I told her I wouldn't view this as racist, just personal preference.
Is this actually racist? Or is original lady just being a bit over the top.

I have a friend who will only date black men and will tell everyone and anyone who will listen to her so. She says she's not racist - it's just a preference she has. I don't necessary think it's racist either, just personal preference. Strange thing to discuss at baby group though! My baby group is full of boring talk, getting boobs out to feed etc.

And a genuine answer: Obviously not. And the original comment is not racist.

NavyandWhite.... yes exactly 😀

"Why dismiss a person, regardless of personality/values/sense of humour, over something as inconsequential as skin colour (or hair colour, which is often rolled out on these threads - "well I don't fancy blonde men")?"

Because we're talking about whether someone is sexually attractive when you don't know anything about them...not a full on relationship.

If you're single do you literally accept a date with anyone that asks? Or sleep with anyone that wants to? Of course you bloody wouldn't.

"You know nothing about a person but will write them of because they're black and you think that isn't racist?"
"Write him off"? I don't think anybody involved in the conversation was actually planning on having sex with him.

Technically, anybody who says "I prefer blonds" or "I'm usually attracted to redheads" is "writing off" most people who aren't white - but we've apparently already apparently established that this is acceptable.

i think what i was trying to say there is
saying 'i normally prefer to date white men'
is very different from saying 'id never date a black man because i dont like them'
One of those statements is racist and one is not.

Why am I silly?

Not racist at all. She is not saying she hates black people, she is just saying she doesn't fancy them. Not being disrespectful at all.

*I remember reading an exchange by two people who 'met' online.

Woman: "How tall are you? Just checking, as I don't date short men".

He replied: "I'm 6ft. Can I ask how much you weigh? Just asking, as I don't date fat women"

Only one of them was seen as shallow*

That sounds like an MRA meme, rather than an experience that anyone in real life has actually had.

shout "the history of colonialism, slavery, violence, oppression" I'm not defending that history. Women have been oppressed for millenniua but if someone doesn't fancy a particular woman, so be it.

I bet men don't sit around trying to talk other men into fancy ing women they don't fancy.

It's also a guess but I think many men would be more offended to be turned down for being short than due to their ethnicity. That's a total guess but I think men can be quite sensitive about height and it might universally affect them in a way ethnicity doesn't.

But I would still totally defend your right not to be attracted to short men (while also not being surprised if you met a fabulous short man and fell for him or if the OP's baby group buddy fell for a fabulous black man if she met one!)

It is NOT racist. I'm white but I prefer black men over white, it is only a matter of personal preference

Ohh so it looks like a mixed bag. It's like I said with the lady who asked originally she nornally doesn't drop something when she doesn't get an exact answer. I think the other lady answered quite honestly too avoid a barrage of " but why not " " there must be a reason " and so on.

just ask her if shed sleep with another woman.. and if she says no, tell her she s misogynist

I wouldn't say racist but maybe a bit close minded discounting a whole race.

"I find people attractive once I get to know them."
So you never, ever look at somebody you don't know and think that they're attractive? You do know that this is highly unusual, don't you? For most people the first step is sexual attraction and the second step is falling for their personality.

I'm normally attracted to tall dark-haired men, which doesn't have any impact on the fact that my two most serious relationships have been with short blonds. (Both of which were disasters, but I don't think physical characteristics had anything to do with that.)

It's already been said but it all depends on context.

All I can say is I have never been attracted to a black man yet. Who knows what the future holds?!

But I could say it's extremely unlikely as I have a 'type' and am not really attracted to people who don't fit that.

I don't think that makes me shallow.

I'm not going to start sleeping with people I don't fancy to be totally inclusive

I am shocked at how many of you insist this is a race issue. She is not placing a value judgement on a man with black skin or discriminating; she's saying she doesn't fancy him. Totally different things.

navyandwhite people have a right not to find other people attractive and not to want to sleep with them for any reason. You can get to know someone without sleeping with them you know! Usually people you sleep with are physically attractive to you. Love may be able to bridge the gap a little but if you are unfortunate enough to fall for someone you dont find pgysically attractive it can actually be awful not a celebration.

"But you're writing off the chance to find out about a black mans personality by saying they aren't your type. By that I guess someone wouldn't find out how lovely that person could be because the colour of their skin was unattractive."

I'm not because skin colour isn't something that figures into who I fancy, other arbitrary traits do though.

And yes, of course you're missing out on finding out about their personality, but if I'm not sexually attracted to someone I'm not going to suddenly become attracted to them because of their personality...

For a longterm relationship personality then comes into it as well, of course it does.

But that initial, oh yep, they do it for me is nothing to do with personality.

"But you're writing off the chance to find out about a black mans personality by saying they aren't your type."
You know that they weren't talking about having an in depth three hour conversation about their philosophy of life, right?
This was a discussion intended to objectify him and reduce him to his physical characteristics - which is entirely a different problem, obviously - but race/skin colour certainly fits in that narrow criteria.

Sounds like niceguy syndrome to me

Its not racist. Doesnt matter about personality etc. There simply talking about sex. The woman said no? Sex is attraction. She isnt attracted. How isit racist. If he had glasses would she be prejudice aswell?