AIBU in thinking this is not racist?

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

At a baby group, and one of the mothers starts commenting on a father who is there, mentioning how she wouldn't say no etc. Then asked what we think
One friend turned round and said no he isn't my cup of tea.
Original lady asked why
She responded she normally prefers white men, not black men.
Original lady tells her she should be disgusted in herself and having a view like that is highly racist. She then asked me do I agree if she was racist in what she said.

I told her I wouldn't view this as racist, just personal preference.
Is this actually racist? Or is original lady just being a bit over the top.

Same with age.
Weight etc.

I usually find slimmer people attractive is fine, I could never find a fat person attractive is not cool.

I usually find slimmer people attractive is fine, I could never find a fat person attractive is not cool.

There's nothing wrong with not finding fat people attractive. Smart people will keep this view to themselves, though.

Not racist I think. I did have a colleague who said she would date anyone except a Muslim. That I did find racist. If she had said I only date, say...Christians, that would have been. Singling out one race/religion (and they ARE interlinked) showed she was racist.

I don't think its racist. I would never date black men or men with facial hair because they just don't attract me. In the same way some people would not want to date me because I am fat. Its personal preference.

The fact so many people believe this statement to be racist is ridiculous. My preferences: Male, blonde, tall, white, intelligent. Why? Not because I am sexist, racist or anything else-ist. But because of natural selection - we choose our mate based on we believe the strongest traits for our off-spring to be. The lady who said it was perfectly in her right to say she doesn't fancy black men, just like I am in my right to state I don't fancy women. Both traits protected by the Equality Act, both perfectly acceptable reasons for not fancying someone. YWDNBU to disagree it was racist.

*That would have been fine

I wouldn't say it's racist. It's personal preference. I'm equally mixed (black and white) but Im not really attracted to black men. I prefer tanned skinned/, dark haired men, but not generally blondes either. So does that make me racist? No.

I don't think that is racist. I tend to only fancy very blond men-usually tall, skinny with long hair. I can't think of any black men I've seen that I've fancied ever. I appreciate that particular men might be good looking though.

I have dark hair and eyes and blonde men do nothing for me. Never understood the appeal if Brad Pitt. Maybe some people are only attracted to those that have similar traits as them.

So what happens if they lose or cut the long hair or the blonde goes white or grey.....

I'm white and have always fancied dark men, couldn't imagine going out with somebody blond, never seen a blond man I fancy. I find overweight men unattractive as well, same with the elderly.

If this does make me prestigious what am I supposed to do about it? Go out with men I just don't find attractive at all because they all have an equal right to date me?

I think arranged marriages are racist personally.

Might I also point out that I have revised my opinions in a few cases when I have got to know men who were not my physical "type".

For preference I tend to be attracted to short, stocky, bearded men (preferably red-haired), but I have been attracted to other men when I have had a chance to get to know them and their wonderful personalities have shone through. I had quite a strong crush on a 6'4" guy who was clean-shaven and weight about ten stones dripping wet because he was so lovely, intelligent and kind. And there have been a couple more who have broken the rule

She's effectively saying that regardless of how nice, intelligent, handsome etc etc a man might be, she'd be unlikely to go out with him just because of the colour of his skin. How can you think that is not racist?

No, she's judging him purely on his looks and has a particular physical type, like many if not most people.

Would you be crying racist if she said she only likes black/asian/ginger men?

same with the elderly.

I assume the men you date are at some point going to become 'elderly'.

ShoutOutToMyEx But why don't you fancy them? Is it to do with perceptions about what those physical characteristics mean for them as people? I think it is, that's why I'm uncomfortable with what this woman said."

And I amvery uncomfortable with the idea that women, or men, need to justify why they are not physically attracted to anyone!

"...then it just seems on a different level." So your reasons fancy ing someone or not are OK and this woman's are not ok?

This woman did not volunteer her sexual preferences, she was asked a question and presumably chose to answer it honestly.

She could have evaded, she could have lied; whichever way she chose to answer she has every right not to be attracted to any man for any reason, no matter how shallow others may feel it to be!

And I also find it a rather unpleasant topic for a baby group!

I assume the men you date are at some point going to become 'elderly'

Not necessarily!

Not racist at all.

Not racist at all.

Am I homophobic because I don't fancy women?

Am I ageist because I wouldn't date a 65 year old?

We need to be careful that we don't start to class everything as "racist" as it does a real disservice to genuine complaints of racism.

She could have evaded, she could have lied; whichever way she chose to answer she has every right not to be attracted to any man for any reason, no matter how shallow others may feel it to be!

Erm, yes, I know. Where did I say that wasn't the case?

I said I was just as bad for not liking short men. I was just thinking about my own motivations 'out loud' on a deeper level.

But now you mention it, yes I do think discriminating against someone for the colour of their skin is very different to doing so on something like height, because of the context and the history of colonialism, slavery, violence, oppression.

But whether the conversation in question was discrimination is up for discussion. Which is what people have been doing.

I assume the men you date are at some point going to become 'elderly'.

Yes and then I will also be elderly. I don't fancy teenage boys, although would have many years ago. Do you also have some criticism of that?

"So what happens if they lose or cut the long hair or the blonde goes white or grey....."

Well I don't find men with long hair attractive, but if my DP suddenly decided to grow his hair... I'd tell him I prefer it short*, but, I'd not suddenly leave him after 21 years because of it.

• actually I'd tell him it looked ridiculous as his hair isn't straight and he'd end up looking like Leo Sayer.

But if I met him with long hair, I'd just not register anything else about him.

Sexual attraction in the early stages is pretty shallow though, that's not the same as people changing over time in a long term relationship where it's a much deeper connection.

Sex is not an equal opportunities exercise, we don't need to give everyone a go regardless of any protected characteristic!

Give me lunch money Lewis and some whipped cream any day....I'd make him very happy