AIBU in thinking this is not racist?

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

At a baby group, and one of the mothers starts commenting on a father who is there, mentioning how she wouldn't say no etc. Then asked what we think
One friend turned round and said no he isn't my cup of tea.
Original lady asked why
She responded she normally prefers white men, not black men.
Original lady tells her she should be disgusted in herself and having a view like that is highly racist. She then asked me do I agree if she was racist in what she said.

I told her I wouldn't view this as racist, just personal preference.
Is this actually racist? Or is original lady just being a bit over the top.

So it's perfectly acceptable to not find someone attractive because of:
Gender, age, height, weight, hair colour, eye colour, dress sense, personality, voice/accent, financial status, and specifc things a person can't help like having a big nose, glasses or freckles, but its NOT acceptable to not be attracted to a specific skin colour? It's ok to not like pale skin, olive skin, tan skin, (or other specific tone of white skin) but not ok to not like black skin?
It's a basic fact that different races have different features, as shown by how they can reconstruct skulls using size/shape to determine race and using average tissue depth markers to build up the face, and they can be so close people recognise them.
We can't help what we are or aren't attracted to, if we happen to be attracted to typical caucasian features (larger eyes in lighter colours, blonde hair etc) and not attracted to typical feautures of other races, (dark eyes, larger lips, black hair etc) that's not racist it's just circumstance.
Stating that you're not attracted to a specific race is therefore in my opinion not even remotely racist, you have nothing against them as people, on a group or specific person level, you just don't find them sexually attractive, same way you might not find other people the same gender as you sexually attractive.
To shame people and call them racist for that, is wrong. Of course there is usually a few exceptions (i personally am typically attracted to blonde blue eyed tall men, but i do occasionally find a man who isn't caucasian attractive, like Shemar Moore) but on the whole it's no different to saying
you aren't attracted to someone because they're just not your type.

"Is he racist to white women for not being interested in them?"
White men who like Asian women are anime fetishists. Always. Or they like subservient women. Always. I'm ashamed at you for not knowing this.
I was going to tag this, but I don't know if it's irony or sarcasm.

Isn't there also the factor that most of us prefer people who are like us? You do get the adventurous ones who choose partners of a totally different ethnic and geographic background but most of us play it safe. We are more likely to be compatible with people whose culture, language and way of life we share. Hence me and my West Country accents. It's where I grew up and the accent makes me feel cosy.

SuperBeagle. I've seen quite a few red heads who are black howtobearedhead.com/9-natural-redheads-from-different-backgrounds-and-ethnicities/ not a clicky link.
It's racist to cut out a whole race based on their colour regardless of race. She could have said he just doesn't do it for me which is a fair comment as I'm sure there are attractive men that we all know that just don't interest you for one reason or another.

Don't see how being attracted to certain skin colours is any different to being attracted to a particular gender, specific heights /builds etc.

I don't think being sexually attracted to somebody is based on opinion.

You can't decide who you are attracted to. You can't tell your body how to feel.

You can decide who you date. So if you are sexually attracted to somebody but decide not to date them on the grounds of their skin colour, that is questionable and would have racist undertones.

I'm wondering why people aren't questioning the many posters on here who say they don't fancy, say, Chinese people? Is it because they don't see them as oppressed? Is it only racist if the group in question has been historically oppressed?

This is definitely making me think.

Have I read this exact same op before?

You don't know that this woman doesn't find black men attractive because she is racist

It's possible of course. But you are trying to assert it as a fact, which is ridiculous and offensive.

I don't find it odd if you are mainly attracted to white people, I do find it odd if you say you don't find a particular person attractive because they're black. i.e. if the same person had white skin you'd fancy them.

I'm asserting its not racist per se, as a concept.

GatoradeMeBitch "I only found white men attractive when I was younger. And I wanted to have pizza for dinner every night"

That's a great point.

So is it racist not to like Chinese food, I wonder?

Sibys western culture has come to dominate culturally in mass media, as said before, perhaps by you, heroes and heroines, or as AI would prefer to say heroes - both male and female, are often white in films.

To the extend white people have played even roles supposedly for other ethnicities. This has negatively influenced both white people and others. And is wrong.

However, my own experience of working in a dating agency was that women were actually far more open than men* about ethnicity, and other things too, like age and whether the person smoked.

And as I said upthread where I grew up there were lots of 'ethnically mixed couples' but almost always white women with black men.

Sibys interesting links but me thinks they go too far.

The black woman is not necessarily going to fair better if more white women date black men, in my humble opinion. Indeed some black women already complain it is hard to find a good black man (their preference presumably) because so many black men date white women.

The second link includes "... are many situations that might not be explicitly romantic, but are nonetheless a lot like a first date. A job interview. Trying to rent an apartment. When you meet your freshman roommates..."

No, just no. A job interview is not like a first date! This is very off thinking. This kind of guilt tripping won't work on men but might swing women due to guilt. Lovely. As my son might say - hashtag not!

Plus dating sites are not just sexual preference. You are looking to start a life with someone. Maybe influences like having children together may come into it. I was never put off the idea of kids with my Indonesian boyfriend, in fact I thought it would be lovely. But some may have preferences with whom they have kids with. That seems fair. Racism isn't fair. So I cannot see making life choices about partners and possible kids has a racist element.

Where I do see racism generally entering the picture is in terms of employment and this may interact with dating. So a high flyer in any profession may encounter, in the west, fewer non white people through work, maybe through university even.

They may therefore make assumptions about non-white people in terms of life experiences, education or earning power etc. These may impact people's perception of others, all people, any people, of any others. These views do need challenging, access and opportunities need changing.

However, the opportunity to be a person's sexual partner is not part of this exactly because a first date is not like a job interview!

This topic is extremely complex. I don't think it's as simple as she has a preference for white men. There are so many things to consider. A post in a thread will not suffice
I think some posters are deliberately ignoring the elephant in the room. That being ,the fact that the negative depiction of black men throughout the ages influences attitudes.
Even something as 'silly' as who you fancy is full of complexity.
Racism can be unintentional , so the woman may not believe that what she said is racist. But it is racist. She has ruled out a whole group of people due to the colour of their skin. Not his height or his build , but his skin colour.
There have been several posters who are mixed race and say that they don't fancy black men despite having a black parent. They too may have been influenced by negative stereotypes of black men.
As I said, it's not simple .

If you've written off a whole group of people because of their skin colour, its racist.

So is it racist not to like Chinese food, I wonder?

That's an interesting question. I guess the answer could only be determined by asking for a rationale. If the person then responded "I don't like spicy food" or "I'm allergic to soy" or "TBH, I just prefer to stick to the sort of food my mum used to cook" then it might show a lack of knowledge about the diversity of Chinese cuisine but it would not be racist.

If, on the other hand, their rationale was "The Chinese are dirty" or "I'm not giving my hard-earned money to immigrants" or "I've heard they use rats instead of chicken" then that would very clearly indicate a racist attitude.

So, in terms of the woman in the OP, and others who share her view, we can only really determine if it is racist or not by asking them to explain why. Now, I'm buggered if I can can up with any credible reason, that is not inherently racist, as to why someone would rule out dating an entire racial group, but if anyone wants to try I'm all ears.

But it is racist. She has ruled out a whole group of people due to the colour of their skin. Not his height or his build , but his skin colour

Nobody has yet explained how if you think this is true, how you aren't being homophobic when you rule out half the population due to just their genitals.

Ninja very nasty assumptions about white men with Asian women! I would agree perceptions around Asian women, usually around oriental women, do abound. But to write off a relationships in this way is very scathing. Racist IMHO. If applied to all, as your Always implies.

I love, love, love all the positivity around red heads. I would fancy ed sheeran if single again (would he take my call!) And I know that red heads have have a lot of negativity in thr past, I hope that has changed. Based on this thread red headed men come out tops!

Now, I'm buggered if I can can up with any credible reason, that is not inherently racist, as to why someone would rule out dating an entire racial group, but if anyone wants to try I'm all ears

The fact that they simply don't feel that sexual attraction when they look at certain people is beyond you? how odd.

Tell your mate to take no notice.

Posters like Narky really hurt rather than help discussion I think. All the "how odd" and "really?". It's not an obvious issue and that's why there are 15 pages of discussion. Can people really not understand why this might be a sensitive issue for black people to hear?

Even you think it's not racist, is it really hard to imagine how it might be hurtful to hear those comments? All the digital eye rolling and faux exasperation is so childish and annoying.

Thank you to all the people who think it's not racist but are still able to engage in the discussion with some empathy and kindness.

Does life really need to be so friggin complicated?

I like men, based on a certain 'je ne sais quois'. As the phrase suggests, I can't define what that is. The men may be black, white, tall, short, dark, blond. As long as they have 'it'.

I like my food based purely on whether it tastes good.

I'm glad that I'm not growing up in this world; I just don't get it most of the time

Good answer herotherhalf.

However, it legitimate to ask for a French chef for your French restaurant? A black actor to play Othello in your production of that play, etc etc? I think it is. It is in law.

For the same reason I would say it is legitimate to say that a woman personally is in charge of who she finds attractive maybe on a subconscious level and most significantly how she choses to act on it.

For this reason her thoughts and choices are her own and are not racist. She is not interviewing for a job or assigning university places.

So rules about racism do not come into play.

If she was telling other women who to fancy, that would be wrong.

She is controlling her own thoughts, emotions and preferncs sexually. This is not an area for equal opportunities!

I find it hugely misogynistic anyone should question this of her.

Narky you are so right.