AIBU in thinking this is not racist?

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

At a baby group, and one of the mothers starts commenting on a father who is there, mentioning how she wouldn't say no etc. Then asked what we think
One friend turned round and said no he isn't my cup of tea.
Original lady asked why
She responded she normally prefers white men, not black men.
Original lady tells her she should be disgusted in herself and having a view like that is highly racist. She then asked me do I agree if she was racist in what she said.

I told her I wouldn't view this as racist, just personal preference.
Is this actually racist? Or is original lady just being a bit over the top.

if you really believe that saying black men aren't your cup of tea because you prefer white men is the same as saying you don't fancy bald men I give up with you.

What if I say white men aren't my type? Is that different?

Do you think if the man in question was white but this woman had preferred red haired men she would have mentioned the colour of his skin?

Obv no. When's the last time you saw a black person with red hair? If the bloke was white, she would've just said she preferred red heads, as the colour of skin becomes irrelevant by virtue of the red head gene.

Just to clarify, before I climb into bed. I am not, saying any one poster on here is trying to coerce any one woman in real life into widening their dating or sexual preferences pool against their wishes.

I am saying the arguments on this thread that equate having sexual preferences, for any reason that may includes ethnicity, with racism, are wrong. and unhelpful to women. My opinion. Feel free to disagree.

Because if someone prefers the aesthetics of one ethnicity (their own or another) over any other or does not find any specific ethnicity appealing, it is completely their own business.

And when/if we pressure or shame women to do or consider sexual things they do not wish to do we are in the wrong.

Even if combating racism is a good thing, which it is; because sexual prefences are not racism, no one owns the right to be considered a sexual partner of another for any reason IMHO.

Why not just say that she prefers red heads. I'm sure I've already said this. Going round in circles.

How does that change anything? Either way you're saying you don't prefer black men. Is it just because the word black was used that you're having an issue?

Because by saying you don't like black men imo is racist.

Except she didn't say that. She said she normally prefers white men. You're reading far more meaning into it than what is actually there. They were talking about attractiveness, and the person said they prefer white men. I prefer Scandi men over Greek men, does that mean I'm racist against Greeks? If you think so, righto, I suppose I'm racist.

I am not bothered by race. I have dated Asian men, Black men, etc.

I do find it interesting though as one of my old colleagues is a white man who is only attracted to SE Asian women. He's been married to a Malaysian woman and now second wife is from Phillipines.
Is he racist to white women for not being interested in them?

Another colleague is Indian. She only ever dated white men and is now married to one. Is she racist regarding men from her own ethnic background?

I think if you dont find people of another race attractive it is not necessarily racist but for her to have said it outright and so publicly and matter of factly makes me think she is probably racist in general. She should have kept her mouth shut.

NavyandWhite if you are talking about who you would prefer to have sex with, it is always sexual preference !

A person may or may not also be racist. But that was not discussed except by the goady person who assumed it in the real life discussion.

Yes women do keep your mouths shut!!

Fteeniki do you think your male friend married to his second wife of Asian origin would feel the need /or be told/ to keep his mouth shut on his preferences when in company of friends and another asked about sexual preferences?

Just a guess - but I don't.

"You don't know that this woman doesn't find black men attractive because she is racist."

And you don't know that she is...because having a sexual preference alone isn't enough to tell you that.

I only found white men attractive when I was younger. And I wanted to have pizza for dinner every night.

My tastes have since widened considerably in both areas

My point being - you can't call someone a racist just because she doesn't happen to find black men sexually attractive now. Presumably she's quite young. Her type will probably change many times over the course of her life.

Not racist in the slightest and shame on those who say it is as an individual must be allowed complete freedom of choice when it comes to their personal sexual preference.

I dont fancy women. Doesnt make me homophobic.

I like white men, preferably from the West Country and with an accent. I sigh at a rugby player build and prefer long hair. I don't think my preferences are any more racist than that I'm discriminating against bald, willowy men.

The evil of racism is that it acts to disadvantage or injure the stigmatized group. But you cannot harm someone or deprive them by denying them sex. Sexual preferences can never be racist on their own.

I prefer Scandi men over Greek men, does that mean I'm racist against Greeks?

Yes me too. I definitely find tall , blond men of Scandinavian or Dutch ethnicity far more attractive than dark, Latin , Greek or Hispanic men.

It's not really racist but if she knew it could have hurt the other woman's feelings (eg if she was black) I think she could have made up some vaguer excuse.

I don't know if it's racist but it's a bit of an insensitive comment. There have been a couple of times I can think of when someone has said to me that they don't find Asian guys attractive. My partner is Asian and, in my opinion, emminently fanciable! I accept that not everyone is going to think that's the case but it makes me a little sad that someone will write off a whole race of people as "not attractive"

While no-one seemed too fussed on my earlier post (re. racial sexual preferences likely being an inhereted cultural bias), I'm now reading around and am pretty convinced of it.

There's some statistics gleaned from online dating sites, which make for interesting reading, here
www.over-educated.com/sexual-racism-sexual-preference/

There's a bit more detail here: theblog.okcupid.com/race-and-attraction-2009-2014-107dcbb4f060#.mrj95h2uy

Based on the stats, I think we either have to say that white people are objectively more attractive than other races (which I don't believe) or that personal preferences are shaped, in part, by both overt and institutionalised racism that we encounter in our upbringings and throughout our lives.

Interesting links sibys , thanks.

Reading the links "he's attractive, for an Asian guy" I hate that so much! Yes it arguably is personal preference but statements like that do seem to fit the dictionary definition of racism.