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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dh wants a threesome with his best friend's gf

227 replies

twoscompany · 28/02/2007 14:10

have changed my name for obvious reasons.

Me and dh have been together for 12 years, married for 8, we have a 4 year old dd. Have always had a great relationship, although I?ll admit that sexually I?m not as open-minded as some people are, but dh has always respected this.

However over the past year or so dh has been saying more and more that he would like us to have a threesome. To start with he said it jokingly, and I took it as such as he knows there?s absolutely no way I would go for it. But more recently he?s been saying more and more that he wants to have a threesome and is ignoring my attempts to laugh it off, saying that it should be his birthday present from me.

Then last night he said that I should invite a friend, who happens to be his best friend?s gf, over for the weekend, and he then said ?because she?s the one I think we should have a threesome with?.

I?ve pointed out that this isn?t going to do much good for dh?s friendship, but he said that I should be the one to ask her, that way his friend need never know. He?s also promised that he will give me the majority of attention and that he won?t actually have sex with her, but just wants her to be there.

Am I being selfish for not wanting to do this?

OP posts:
staceym11 · 28/02/2007 16:38

ok a bit of a different situation, but when i was about 16 i had a bf we had been together for over a year and having sex for 6 months, at the time i experimented with girls as well as boys, so we thought it'd be ok to have a threesome with one of my close girl friends.

how wrong we were. acctually i got up and walked out in the middle coz he didnt even notice i was in the room.

i cant see this ever being the answer, unless both people are up for it.

your dh and you probably could do with counselling to work out the issues behind this!

themildmanneredjanitor · 28/02/2007 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pann · 28/02/2007 16:40

Sorry UQD!! Rare man here!!

UnquietDad · 28/02/2007 16:42

giving away too much? maybe just being as honest as most men would be. But I'm going to duck out of here now because I've said all i can.

UnquietDad · 28/02/2007 16:46

and I hope nobody was offended by my contributions.

ohsmellyjelly · 28/02/2007 16:47

Message withdrawn

themildmanneredjanitor · 28/02/2007 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pann · 28/02/2007 16:49

FWIW, no offence here either! just not to my taste at all, but not knocking it for consensual others........

ohsmellyjelly · 28/02/2007 16:50

Message withdrawn

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/02/2007 16:51

I understand where you are coming from, but, I think bravado tends to make it seem as though men should think that threesomes are "the thing", but I dont think it is. What I meant in my last post was that it said more about your proclivities, than it did all men. It wasnt designed to be an insult.

expatinscotland · 28/02/2007 16:53

How the hell can anyone concentrate during threesome?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/02/2007 16:53

you havent been offensive at all (and I didnt say "giving away too much", dont be upset by my post)

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/02/2007 16:54

The same way you do with a twosome or a onesome?

zippitippitoes · 28/02/2007 16:55

why do you need to conmcentrate?

obviously I have been doing it wrong..

UnquietDad · 28/02/2007 16:56

VVVQV - I wasn't upset, don't worry.
But I feel I've got to the end of my usefulness here. Just to add to the last few comments: it's probably a bit like playing triangular football. Someone's always left without their goal being attacked.

expatinscotland · 28/02/2007 16:56

No because you'd have someone else in there buggin' and getting all in the way.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/02/2007 16:56

"one, two, three, four, five, , one, two, three, four, five "

UnquietDad · 28/02/2007 16:57

"half-time, change ends"

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/02/2007 16:59

"Offside!"

Blu · 28/02/2007 17:00

Obviously lots of men and a fair number of women find the idea of threesomes appealing - isn't there a magazine with people who have scary photos of their bedrooms (you know, clashing patterns of duvet, curtains and carpets) all advertising for available partners? they say things like 'can acommodate' and 'will travel'.

I daresay there are even MN-ers and people with more sophisticated bedlinen who also like to experiment.

So I don't think it's fair to make assumptions about UnquietDad.

But the point is that TC doesn't want to, and that her DH is badgering her to ask her bf to deceive her partner and betray the DH's bf!

And even more seriously, TC's self-esteem is suffering badly.

TC - stand up to him. Be clear and assertive...the very act of being strong and clear about your feelings may both make your DH see you in a different light, and free your own sense of inhibition! (not to the point where you feel you need to indulge in unwanted and dodgily comprised threesomes, just so that you feel more at ease with the sex life you do want!)

zippitippitoes · 28/02/2007 17:02

I haven't made any assumptions about unquietdad

see his name in a new light but that's all

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/02/2007 17:05

I dont think any assumptions have been made. He has indicated that he'd quite like a threesome. That's fine. Not quite sure what you are getting at there Blu.

mumto3girls · 28/02/2007 17:11

UQD, I don't think one man can really speak for most men on such a subject.

Blu · 28/02/2007 17:13

Oh sorry - I thought you were accusing him of being of a dodgy disposition! And that was why he thought he might have been offending people.

Will give my capacity for comprehension a wash and brush up .

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/02/2007 17:19

Well, I cant say for certain

It's coming up for a full moon though soon, isnt it.....?