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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I don't have an eating disorder?

332 replies

NotAlwaysHungry · 12/02/2017 22:51

I make myself sick about 2-3 times a week. I know it's not the greatest habit and is no doubt very unhealthy but I only do it when I've eaten too much junk. My weight is fine and I'm otherwise very healthy.

My sister recently found out about it (long story!) and she was horrified. She now has it in her head that I have some sort of eating disorder and will die at any minute.

She told me I need to see a doctor but I've been doing this for nearly eight years now and considering I'm still healthy then I'm hardly going to suddenly drop down dead because of making myself sick a few times a week.

OP posts:

Ginkypig · 14/02/2017 16:07

Your dp wants to help but he won't know how just as you don't until you both learn how your illness works and what the best help will be. Putting you in a position like that just now will just make you hide the outcome (being sick) from him because you don't have any strategy to cope without doing that yet.

There will be literature out there for family who live with somone who has an eating disorder which your gp might be able to get for you to pass on to him but actually it might be worth him getting his own appointment or going to a reputable website so he (you both) can learn together what the best way forward is.

Food is just a tiny part of this so it won't be the fix for it not
Can you suggest non food thing you can do together as a couple so he can feel like he's looking after you but you won't feel the massive pressure of eating for him.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 14/02/2017 16:51

Sorry I only just got to the end of this and I realise you've had your gp appointment this morning.

I just wanted to say that in November I went to the gp and said, with great difficulty that I had an eating problem and I needed help to sort it out. And that I couldn't live like this any more.

And the gp was fine, completely matter of fact, no weighing or anything like that. Just asked a few questions and referred me on to the 'single point of access' mental health service which is how it works in my borough. A few weeks later someone called from there and asked more questions and I ended up crying on the phone a lot and she was lovely . And then I'm waiting to see someone in real life who will help work out how best to treat this ruddy thing I do to my body.

It's all been very non-intrusive and way better than the vision I had in my head about what would happen!

FYI I have never vocalised or even put into proper thoughts what I do. So I can well believe you and this thread. I would have said for decades I have no eating problem. Sympathy for those that did. Totally no insight around my own stuff.

It was so well hidden I hid it from myself.

It was a couple of things that made me drag it into the light... one being a thread on here about family dinner times. The other a blood test that came back borderline diabetes. Since realised the panic over sudden disintegrating teeth didn't 'come out of nowhere' as I've been saying . Same for the heartburn/reflux that I'm on medication for. Didn't put any of that together until the blood test results made me realise what I'm doing to my body, and that it cannot cope with the way I'm abusing it...

So it all made me examine my own behaviour and finally acknowledge I can't keep doing it.

First time I've written this but I think it might help you, and maybe me too.

Family dinners were horrible growing up, and the focus of awful fighting and being screamed at for hours. The lottery of who got the character assassination tonight. And no one could leave until all was eaten. Would last for hours and hours. Hard to eat when you're desperation trying not to cry. So, unsurprisingly my dearest darling sister got anorexia.

I was a bit more active at problem solving so developed the ability to eat whilst gagging and would steal food of my sisters plate and swallow it down so dinner time would end. And throw it up after. So, shock of shocks I guess I am bulimic.

And was for years. Food was severely controlled growing up and I was always hungry as well as always anxious and scared. So those things feel the same to me. Hungry feels like the virtuous thing to be, but it also feels like fear to me. Still! After all these years, I'm grown up now ffs!

But I have no control myself over food. Binge eat all the time.

But i was 'fine' because throwing up controlled it ok. That was my solution to the problem.

Then I got ill, and had a baby. I'm now a disabled single mother. So now I can't throw up regularly anymore as my illness effects my neck and back muscles, and they rip if I vomit (for fucks sake!). And I cannot cope with the resulting damage as I can't look after my little boy if I cannot use my neck.

So I guess I'm a failing bulimic! Binge then can't throw up. So fat as fuck which is awful. It's humiliating. People get to see my failure as it's stuck all around me. And now all the crap I've put my body through is coming back to haunt me... teeth, throat/stomach, fat, diabetes...

And that's what has made me get to the stage where I have to stop my eating disorder. I have to cure it for me and my little boy. I'd love to be thin again, be myself again, but without the vomiting and binging.

I'm really proud of you, someone who has realised you have a problem without life making you realise!

Look at how much had to happen to me before I could even notice something wasn't right... you are still at the stage where maybe you get to stop before you're body fucks up.

I hope I can turn it around. But after all my childhood, teens and adult life having a fucked up problem with eating, I don't know where to start. I really hope I can get some treatment from people that know how to help me, as I admit, I don't have a clue.

I hope you made it to your appointment today. But if you didn't, please try again.

You've been really brave on this thread and telling your boyfriend.

HughJarss · 15/02/2017 07:37

NotAlways here's a virtual hand to hold for your appointment this morning. I'll be thinking of you. You're doing A Hard And Brave Thing.

LordPercy · 15/02/2017 07:44

This was me a long time ago. You have an ED. You are obviously in denial about it, however the fact remains that my current bad habit of drinking too much Coke isn't the same as your "bad habit" of physically making yourself sick. The fact that you get in such a state about trying not to do it tells you that it's a problem too. Please take yourself off to the doctor.

LordPercy · 15/02/2017 07:48

Posted too soon - good luck today!! I'm glad you told your DP, is he going to the docs with you?

SamineShaw · 15/02/2017 07:52

Just caught this thread, good luck today with the GP. You are so brave to face this head on, please let us know how you are doing xx

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 15/02/2017 08:12

I hope it all goes well OP.

ShutTheFridgeUp · 15/02/2017 08:39

The very best of luck today OP. For what it's worth, I think you are being incredibly brave.

notfromstepford · 15/02/2017 08:47

OP hope your appointment goes well today, I think you've been incredibly brave on this thread and you have fantastic strength that will get you through this for you.

Screwinthetuna · 15/02/2017 08:47

I think it's pretty shocking that you are in denial, tbh. You make yourself vomit 3 times a week...you have a serious eating disorder. I hope you get some help

Screwinthetuna · 15/02/2017 08:48

Just seen this is an older thread. Glad you are getting help!

FV45 · 15/02/2017 08:48

screw That really wasn't a very helpful comment, was it?

Mamadothehump · 15/02/2017 08:50

Good luck today op

icy121 · 15/02/2017 08:59

Just RTFT. Good luck today.

I agree that tonight probably not best for a "big meal out"; can you explain to DP that you want to go out, have a "safe" meal ( fish or chicken) and maybe a light-ish pudding (creme brûlée etc)? Don't put yourself under pressure to stuff your face and then keep it down, especially as you've just accepted you've got a problem. Baby steps, but you CAN go out for a nice meal and not purge after.

I used to do purging (throwing up and laxatives) in a not dissimilar way to you - - not "triggered" by anything more than eating too much. I still HATE feeling too full.

IME I found it was a slow process of eating slightly more now and then and not having to purge afterwards. So having very tiny portions of fatty carbs, so I got the taste without the horrible "full" feeling. I would make a risotto with mainly chicken and hardly any rice for example. Even now when we go for a curry I'll have about 1 tbsp of rice and a chickpea curry or chicken or whatever.

Good luck again and let us know how you get on. Also maybe ask for this thread to be moved to a more supportive place than AIBU, as this thread has moved on a lot now from the OP.

empirerecordsrocked · 15/02/2017 09:06

Good luck op today, you're doing the right thing.

Screwinthetuna · 15/02/2017 09:14

fv45it was a response to the first post...what is not helpful about saying I hope she gets help?????

FV45 · 15/02/2017 09:23

screw I do see your update now and that you realise it's a long thread.
I just thought you saying I think it's pretty shocking that you are in denial, tbh. You make yourself vomit 3 times a week...you have a serious eating disorder. wasn't very helpful at this stage in the thread.

anotherdayanotherdinner · 15/02/2017 09:33

Good luck today, I did exactly the same as you for about 10 years. Didn't tell a sole, still haven't. I stopped when I got pregnant 4 years ago and have only done it once since. You can stop doing it if you want to but please do it at your speed. Don't put any pressure on yourself and try to make sure that you guide the process not your dp or your sister. If I had people monitoring everything I ate it would have made it worse for sure

pointythings · 15/02/2017 10:28

I've just RTFT. Well done making the appointment and telling your DP. You need to be very open with him now and talk to him about what you need to do to get better - jumping into eating is not one of those things, you will need help to reset your relationship with food and with yourself and it will take time.

But you are doing the right thing.

runninglikemad · 15/02/2017 10:31

Screw you really do need to rtft first though with such a sensitive subject rather than wading in with aggressive comments .

Good luck OP, thinking of you and hope you get the help that you need .

Screwinthetuna · 15/02/2017 11:27

running it was not an aggressive comment, the first post denying an eating disorder when vomiting 3 times a week is shocking. Don't be petty. So, I gather she has now accepted it and sought help and that's great.

Screwinthetuna · 15/02/2017 11:29

I suggest that op moves this to an appropriate health related thread as people tend not to read through 14 pages of comments and reply to the original post on AIBU

itwillbegrandsure · 15/02/2017 11:31

NotAlwaysHungry - how did you get on? Hope you're ok. Massive first step for you.

spankhurst · 15/02/2017 11:33

I make myself sick maybe 5 times a year. I know that I have a disordered relationship with food and have done nearly all my life. I have perfect teeth and am somewhat overweight. Vomiting 2/3 times a week is squarely in serious eating disorder territory.

spankhurst · 15/02/2017 11:34

..and I hope you get the help you need from appropriate people. I'm still working up the nerve..

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