Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I don't have an eating disorder?

332 replies

NotAlwaysHungry · 12/02/2017 22:51

I make myself sick about 2-3 times a week. I know it's not the greatest habit and is no doubt very unhealthy but I only do it when I've eaten too much junk. My weight is fine and I'm otherwise very healthy.

My sister recently found out about it (long story!) and she was horrified. She now has it in her head that I have some sort of eating disorder and will die at any minute.

She told me I need to see a doctor but I've been doing this for nearly eight years now and considering I'm still healthy then I'm hardly going to suddenly drop down dead because of making myself sick a few times a week.

OP posts:
WayfaringStranger · 13/02/2017 21:09

There are lots of people who are functioning with an eating disorder. I used to binge and make myself sick most nights when I got home from work and multiple times at the weekend. I'd then shower, have a bowl of cereal and go to bed. It was just what I "did" after work or when I had a free free hours between social events. Apart from swollen glands, my teeth were fine and I wasn't otherwise unwell. I was deeply unhappy though, just masking it with food and vomit. The first step is scary but living with an eating disorder is scarier. Wishing you lots of luck. Flowers

TheGrassNeedsCutting · 13/02/2017 21:24

Well done for seeking help OP.

Be your own best friend and take care of yourself.

joystir59 · 13/02/2017 21:29

51kg is 8stone- how tall are you OP?

tinkiiev · 13/02/2017 21:33

Well done for telling your DP and booking the appointment Flowers. Have you told your sister you've started the first steps on the road to recovery?

She'll be so proud of you.

MyWineTime · 13/02/2017 21:49

Good luck OP
You've made a huge step forward by booking that appointment and talking to your DP

pinkstinks · 13/02/2017 21:50

You aren't alone OP and this thread is helping others to think about the truth too so thanks for starting it Flowers good luck

LittleRed90 · 13/02/2017 21:56

I've made myself sick for about 10 years now. Daily on very bad weeks, once on a good week. I am a dentist. I have great teeth but I know deep down that I do have an eating disorder.

Porpoises · 13/02/2017 22:02

Sorry to hear that littlered. Does anyone in real life know about it?

AyeAmarok · 13/02/2017 22:10

She's 5ft5 joy. So the very bottom of the healthy BMI range.

LittleRed90 · 13/02/2017 22:11

Porpoises - Yes, my very loving and supportive husband :(. I know what triggers my purging and for a really long time, I was able to control it. I was eating very healthily and was able to 'treat myself' sensibly and not feel guilty. For me, it's all about regrouping my thoughts, relaxing and staying on track. I purge as some form of punishment. It's not normal behaviour and stems from childhood bullying and being an overweight teenager.

OP, you've mentioned that you really dislike discussing your weight or standing on the scales... this isn't really normal and there will be something/a few things triggering it. I hope you're able to get your head around it soon and take back control of your life. You may feel as though you're more in control with the purging but really, you're not.

NotAlwaysHungry · 13/02/2017 22:27

I haven't spoke to my sister yet but I will.

It's probably not unconnected though OP, I'd suggest it's all part of the same issue.

So it could be linked even though I've always had this weird fear but only being making myself sick for the past 8 years? How?

I don't remember having any issues with food as a teenager/child. Just a weird fear of being weighed in front of other people Blush.

OP posts:
dailymaillazyjournos · 13/02/2017 22:34

Regarding getting weighed at the GP. I really feel panicky at the thought of seeing my actual weight and/or being weighed at hospital and GP visits. I ask whoever is weighing me NOT to tell me how much I weigh though and they respect that and just write it down. It's very triggering and upsetting for me. If you feel anxious/fearful about a weigh-in it is worth mentioning that you can't handle knowing the figures right now and can they please just make a note of it for their info. I had this exact situation at a gynae hospital appointment last month and at the GP this week when I had a blood pressure review. Both times no one even batted an eyelid at my request. I know these appointments aren't ED related ones, but I hope they'd respect your request.

IJustLostTheGame · 13/02/2017 23:38

Bless you OP.
I have a sister who has suffered from both anorexia and bulimia and flatly refused the fact she had a problem for years. It almost became to late for her.
I can't tell you the fear, the angst and the worry we had for her.
She has been left with a heart murmur due to her bulimia. At the point she was at her worst the doctor said she could have had a heart attack and died from it at any time.
People who admit they have a problem and have the strength to be open and seek advice about it are nothing but to be admired.
I would have loved to have be able to support my dsis. I did cry when I knew something of how bad she was. I cried because I didn't know how to help her, or make her see that she needed help. And it was because I loved her so much.
I can't describe those dark days of watching her weighing out her food which wouldn't satisfy a toothpick and then disappearing to the bathroom an hour later.
Nothing I said would get through to her.
Your DH is upset because he cares that deeply about you and will feel awful he didn't notice it or know how to approach it with you. You're probably very good at hiding it and/or normalising it because to you it is normal.
Please please please chase the help available and don't feel guilty for the upset caused.
You are ill and didn't realise it, it's not your fault. At all. It's a horrible, horrible disease.
But it can be overcome.

StillGotTheTreeUp · 13/02/2017 23:46

Op I have bulimia. I started like you, few times a week if I'd been greedy. It's escalated now and its really really hard to control. Impossible really.

Your thread has upset me as I never realised so many people actually knew the implications of it.

Recently went to the doctors and confessed all, pm me if you want to chat.

Livness12 · 13/02/2017 23:50

OP, I would very much recommend writing some bullet points or a note to your GP to help during your appointment if/when you go on Wednesday. I find sometimes I can intend to be completely open with professionals, then go in, feel silly and ridiculous because I'm 'quite clearly overreacting' and then play it all down (as I think you probably are with the purging) or come across as if all is fine and normal. Writing it down so it's there in front of you allows you to just hand it over if you feel 'silly' or nervous saying it.

I would also recommend asking for a blind weigh-in, as suggested above, if you're very uncomfortable about it. They are likely to ask to weigh you, but if it really comes down to it, let them know that you don't feel happy to be weighed there right now. The most important thing is to stop the purging/disordered behaviours (and the thoughts underlying those).

It sounds from what you have written so far (and the height/weight mentioned) that you're not actually 'binging' objectively, but more feeling uncomfortably full and bloated after 'normal' portions of 'heavier' types of food? I can relate to this also. Please do be very careful. You are not far off the anorexia nervosa weight criteria (and even that is more subjective now).

Things can deteriorate rapidly with disordered eating and health. My vital signs were borderline normal one week, and the next they were looking for a bed for me because my heartrate and BP dropped massively and my body stopping coping.

I don't mean this to all sound very clinical and 'dramatic'. But please do tell them honestly. I am a similar age - 27 - and have purged now for 11 years regularly. I didn't think I'd ever have an eating disorder. I didn't see it as a 'big deal', I wasn't noticably thin, I was just average, studying, working, socialising, fine, just purging after meals when I felt too full. I couldn't stop it, but I didn't need to, it was just normal, and no one had to know. I could justify it. And then I couldn't stop. And I started doing it more. And purging after any food. And then after tea. And then water. And then it wasn't enough so I stopped eating altogether. And exercised more. And tried everything else. And ended up in hospital for 5 months. It's really, really not worth that. And now, 3 years after that, I am still consumed by that every day, still thinking of nothing else and purging daily. You've done this for 8 years. Do you really want to be doing it still in another 8?

Please tell your GP and ask for a referral. I would also recommend the book Beating Your Eating Disorder. (www.amazon.co.uk/Beating-Your-Eating-Disorder-Cognitive-Behavioral/dp/0521739047/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1487029639&sr=8-1&keywords=beating+your+eating+disorder). Even if you don't feel you do have an ED yet, it's got useful sections to help you think about motivations and being ready to change behaviours, the way you think about food, all sorts.

NotAlwaysHungry · 14/02/2017 01:39

Yes I will write a list of bullet points in the morning. I will probably get flustered and no doubt forget everything I want to say otherwise.

DP has been reading up on eating disorders and is now kicking himself for not noticing anything. I think he blames himself.

He wants to take me out for a meal tomorrow night but he wants me to promise that I won't make myself sick afterwards only I'm not sure if I can do that Sad

OP posts:
springydaffs · 14/02/2017 01:53

This may be of interest. I am a member. Not all members are overeaters, many had the full pack eg anorexia, bulimia, laxatives, exercise etc. It's an amazing programme.

AyeAmarok · 14/02/2017 05:31

I see what your DP is trying to do, and it's kind of him, but maybe just explain that you're not ready for that (going out for dinner and not being sick) yet. Say you want to wait until after you have spoken with the GP. You're not going to enjoy the meal under these circumstances, in fact it will probably stress you out.

Or alternatively, could you maybe go out for dinner and have two starters rather than a starter and a main? That way you might not feel so full and uncomfortable and not feel as desperate to be sick (although I suspect it might be too early for this tactic too?).

FurryLittleTwerp · 14/02/2017 07:05

Your DP is trying to do the "man thing" & "fix it" - very sweet of him but much to soon!

FurryLittleTwerp · 14/02/2017 07:05

*too soon

Porpoises · 14/02/2017 07:56

Tell him its a kind gesture but that kind gestures involving food will stress you out at the moment. Could you watch a movie together instead and not make food the centrepiece of the evening?

dailymaillazyjournos · 14/02/2017 10:39

Maybe a trip to the cinema or something non-food related would be a better option for tonight. I agree that taking you for a meal but on the condition you don't make yourself sick isn't helpful. It would be stressful for you and take any enjoyment out of the occasion to be put under so much pressure.

It's not as simple as just reassuring your DP you won't throw up. If it was that easy, no one would need support in stopping. It's lovely that he wants to support you but he does need to take the emphasis off food for now I think.

NotAlwaysHungry · 14/02/2017 12:27

Oh I agree. I think he's trying to make me see that nothing bad will happen if I don't make myself sick after eating a big meal.

My appointment is tomorrow morning and I'm getting nervous.

Anyway I'll shut up now.

OP posts:
WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman · 14/02/2017 12:35

OP I think you're being incredibly brave. This must have come as a huge shock to you and you seem to be coping remarkably well.

Your DP is clearly wanting to make things ok but doesn't (as many of us don't) understand the very real fears that come with food for those with eating disorders. Once you have had your appointment and start with counselling I think it would really help for your DP to have someone explain to him what you're going through so he is in the best possible position to help you.

I've not been through anything like this myself so I'm sure there's someone else who can recommend something specific.

Good luck Flowers

TheProblemOfSusan · 14/02/2017 13:19

You're being so great, OP. Well done on taking these steps - we're all behind you.