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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not bring my child up with technology??

316 replies

Babyblues14 · 12/02/2017 18:17

I hate seeing kids in prams holding phones or ipads. Surely children and supposed to be children. When I was younger I could play on own for hours and it was the best time of my life
My partner has a son who lives with us and although hes a teenager now there has never been a time where he is not on a pc, phone or games console. when he was smaller he would scream bloody murder if it was ever taken away from him.
Im currently pregnant and have no plans for my child to grow up like this but my family think Im mad. I just think its a lazy way to shut your kid up. I do use technology but only when necessary and I hardly used social media. I just want my child to have a real childhood instead of scaring at a screen. What do you think??

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 12/02/2017 20:10

Yes to children should be children. 200 years ago that meant cleaning chimneys and working down mines. It's such a meaningless statement.

RedSauce · 12/02/2017 20:12

AIBU to not bring up my with electricity? Surely children are supposed to be children. When I was younger I could play on own for hours and it was the best time of my life.
My partner has a son who lives with us and although hes a teenager now there has never been an evening when he is not in a room with a light on. when he was smaller he would scream bloody murder if it was ever taken away from him.

Devilishpyjamas · 12/02/2017 20:12

Ds3 has a kindle fire and uses it largely to read books. The apps aren't that good on it - don't think he's played a game on it for about a year. When he's whizzing his way through a 12 book series in about 3 weeks (check out the cherub series if you're a parent trying to encourage early secondary boys to read) it's a godsend to just be able to download the next book.

He also uses it to read under the covers at night. Much as I used to with books & a torch.

You can suck lemons about technology or just deal with any issues that arise.

The objects that I remember causing the most grief and stress & wailing in this house was (1) a wall calendar and (2) a remote controlled helicopter. Both went in the bin.

beresh · 12/02/2017 20:13

I think tech in moderation is fine, but I found this podcast about research into the effects of technology on the brains of young children interesting

Listen to Babbage: Printing parts by The Economist #np on #SoundCloud
soundcloud.com/theeconomist/babbage-printing-parts

KittyVonCatsington · 12/02/2017 20:14

What are you going to take photos and videos of your baby/toddler then, OP?

If it's a Smartphone or Tablet, believe me, you are going to be exposing your child to technology whether you like it or not...

Original poster
Babyblues14 · 12/02/2017 20:16

I can take photos of my own baby, I dont expect them to take selfies, just because I take a picture of them doesnt mean they are using technology

OP posts:
Couchtofivek · 12/02/2017 20:18

Do what suits you. I've managed a screaming toddler without handing over a phone or tablet. He's 5 now and doesn't have a tablet. We also managed to fly to New Zealand and back with him without using the iPad.
Maybe once a month he'll get DH's iPad for an hour.
He'll get his own tech when I'm ready to give it to him but not any time soon.

He likes TV but it's not the same. TV programmes have an end point. Apps and YouTube don't.

The idea that kids will be at a massive disadvantage if they're not coding at 6 is silly. Today's IT geniuses weren't doing it as children.

MotherFuckingChainsaw · 12/02/2017 20:18

Pah

My child is an actual cyborg. Part human part iPad...

glueandstick · 12/02/2017 20:18

My kid had a tantrum of epic proportions when I took away a traditional wooden (Montessori and Steiner approved) toy. Like proper end of the earth tantrum complete with a flood of tears.

It isn't just iPads that do it.

StarlingMurderation · 12/02/2017 20:19

DS is 2 and had several long hospital appointments last week. I downloaded a load of CBeebies onto my iPad and used it to distract him during the more painful/boring/unpleasant bits, and thanked God for technology.

Original poster
Babyblues14 · 12/02/2017 20:19

thanks couch
I agree with the coding so young its not necessary

OP posts:
Peanut14 · 12/02/2017 20:20

I hope it's the pregnancy hormones Babyblues...you are coming across not nice.

Seriously my dc might have my phone for max 15 mins every other day. Usually when I have a shower so I know where they are and not swinging off the ceiling lights.

Just because your stepson has it all day does not mean every child does.

bumsexatthebingo · 12/02/2017 20:22

I don't think the op is saying it should be completely banned but she does make a valid point. Every time I see a child having to wait for anything these days they are on an Ipad or their parents phone. At a restaurant today there was a relatively short wait for tables and every single child there had some kind of device.
I regularly have kids over for playdates who simply don't know what to do if the tv isn't on or they'e not allowed the xbox/Ipad. They wander around aimlessly flitting from thing to thing.

Peanut14 · 12/02/2017 20:22

Do whatever you want with YOUR child, keep your judgy pants off regarding other people's children, you have no idea what is going on in people's lives.

WorraLiberty · 12/02/2017 20:24

my partner works 16 hours a day and comes home at midnight, so I will be the main parent in my child life

That doesn't answer the question really, unless he works every single day/night of the year.

He's failed to help raise a child who isn't obsessed with technology, so what makes you think he will be any different with this one?

Original poster
Babyblues14 · 12/02/2017 20:25

He gets one day off a week and he has agreed about the technology thing too

OP posts:
Niskayuna · 12/02/2017 20:27

I'm not a fan of babies/toddlers with iPads. Crayons have kept mine quiet in restaurants just fine, or matchbox cars driven around the saltpots. 1980s style.

When they get older we like to play games together - they can use their reading, counting and strategy skills, we have a great app where they traced their fingers to draw letters (good for kids who find it too nerve-wracking to 'make mistakes' with a pencil) and we have some bilingual flashcard match apps.

We also bike, hike, swim, go to the woods and a couple of evenings and at weekends, cook, all the rest of it.

It's not hard. You don't have to be so all or nothing about it.

Anyway. Everyone's got great intentions when they're pregnant. When your 13 month old has screamed for 72 hours straight and you haven't washed or eaten, you might not be so adamant ;)

KittyVonCatsington · 12/02/2017 20:29

You misunderstand me OP as I am not even thinking about 'Selfies'-your Baby and then Toddler, will see you with a device many times a day, taking photos, replying to the odd text, taking phone calls and even Mumsnetting.

One day they will be interested and make a grab for it...

I thought my baby wouldn't notice me using my smartphone when feeding at night etc. Little did I know, she knew what the home button was at 10 months old.

If you are planning on using it to even just take photos, texts and phone calls, you are going to be introducing tech into their lives one way or the other.

To pretend otherwise is just daft.

ANameToHide · 12/02/2017 20:29

I can take photos of my own baby, I dont expect them to take selfies, just because I take a picture of them doesnt mean they are using technology

Your child will be curious about looking at the photos of themselves though, I remember dd being amazed when she about two, and whenever the phone came out to take a picture she wanted to look at them too. She sometimes asked to take some of her own and I still have images of my elbow and the floor from when she took a couple.

Also, lots of,people take photos of themselves with their children selfie style, if your dh is out 16 hours a day it's not ridiculous to suggest that you may be taking selfies of you and baby together, as they get older they may want to explore that further, children do not actually have to have a phone in their hand for their lives to interact with tech, a small child taking photos under adult supervision can be used to start the idea of consent and boundaries, ie, if gran doesn't want her photo taken then we won't take it, and then as they get older about stuff they shouldnt photograph and share. Etc.

bumsexatthebingo · 12/02/2017 20:30

They can make a grab for it. It doesn't mean the op has to let the child play with it. The same as if they made a grab for expensive make up or a glass of wine - the op can take it away!

treaclesoda · 12/02/2017 20:31

All the 40 somethings that I know who work in IT were definitely playing with technology as children. They were all playing Manic Miner and Jet Set Willie OK n their ZX Spectrums Grin

treaclesoda · 12/02/2017 20:32

Don't know where the OK came from in my post Confused

WayfaringStranger · 12/02/2017 20:33

Clearly he didn't do a good job with the first kid, in your eyes...

WhooooAmI24601 · 12/02/2017 20:34

OP has your OH agreed to the technology thing with the baby but feels happy to allow his DSS to spend his entire life attached to screens and have tantrums when they're removed? They're not really compatible because once that baby starts moving about it'll be desperate to get hold of DSS' screens and it's setting a pretty poor example if you're determined not to use technology.

Eolian · 12/02/2017 20:34

Misleading thread title. It might have been more accurate to say "AIBU to avoid my child having access to computers, iPads etc until school age". In which case pretty much YANBU , but also YANBU if, like most peoole, you actually change your mind about this once reality hits.

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