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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not bring my child up with technology??

316 replies

Babyblues14 · 12/02/2017 18:17

I hate seeing kids in prams holding phones or ipads. Surely children and supposed to be children. When I was younger I could play on own for hours and it was the best time of my life
My partner has a son who lives with us and although hes a teenager now there has never been a time where he is not on a pc, phone or games console. when he was smaller he would scream bloody murder if it was ever taken away from him.
Im currently pregnant and have no plans for my child to grow up like this but my family think Im mad. I just think its a lazy way to shut your kid up. I do use technology but only when necessary and I hardly used social media. I just want my child to have a real childhood instead of scaring at a screen. What do you think??

OP posts:
Original poster
Babyblues14 · 12/02/2017 22:16

please read before you comment Kitty. I have no intention of stopping them when they are of shool age. I will even teach them myself. I said I dont want them using it when they are toddlers/babies

OP posts:
bumsexatthebingo · 12/02/2017 22:17

The majority of early years teachers I know would disagree you. If you teach year 7 the children you are coming across now will not have had the exposure kids are having these days at a very crucial time when the brain is developing. Many kids start reception unable to play, with delayed fine and gross motor skills, delayed speech, delayed social skills.

bumsexatthebingo · 12/02/2017 22:20

And I disagree that most parents use screens sensibly. A child in a pushchair looking at an Ipad instead of chatting to their parent and engaging with their senses and the world around them is not beneficial to their development.

hazeyjane · 12/02/2017 22:21

SDTG at least you got a kiss out of it!

Op - saying you think children under a certain age shouldn't have tablets/screen time/access to technology..... that is an opinion.

Saying you think parents that give young children tablets/screentime/technology are being lazy...that is a judgement.

Positivitee · 12/02/2017 22:22

I'd be more worried about the fact you're having a child with someone that you consider to be a lazy parent!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 12/02/2017 22:25

I am a lazy parent
There we go
At least I have insight

PickAChew · 12/02/2017 22:28

I bought a lovely wooden train for DS1.

Then took it away when he drew on the walls with it - that (probably toxic) brightly coloured paint doesn't half make a mess.

In amongst the various plastic Thomas and friends toys, the boys had a wooden Percy. That heavy fucker went straight through a window after being pushed too hard off a table.

Spikeyball · 12/02/2017 22:30

A child in a pushchair may be using the ipad as a way of coping with where they are. So when you look in a judgemental way at someone doing that, think on.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 12/02/2017 22:32

Well this is pustulating along predictably

PunkrockerGirl · 12/02/2017 22:35

Nothing so smug as a first time expectant parent who has no fucking clue what it's really like
Look forward to hearing back from you in a couple of years, OP. Hopefully by then you'll be a fully paid up member of the real world.

Rabbit12345 · 12/02/2017 22:37

The majority of early years teachers I know would disagree you. If you teach year 7 the children you are coming across now will not have had the exposure kids are having these days at a very crucial time when the brain is developing. Many kids start reception unable to play, with delayed fine and gross motor skills, delayed speech, delayed social skills.

How long have you been teaching? I disagree with you! Reception age children are exactly as they were 10-20 years ago in respect to ability range. The expectations placed on schools in regards to a child's development is the only difference that I see.

PickAChew · 12/02/2017 22:38

I'd certainly never hold Plymouth Brethren up as the last bastion of great child rearing.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/02/2017 22:42

Yes, @Babyblues14, you have every right to an opinion - but you do need to accept that your opinion is not an informed one.

People with more experience of actual parenting of actual children are telling you that it is not as black and white as you believe it is.

They are telling you that we all have hopes and dreams about how we are going to parent, but that often we have to compromise when our hopes and dreams co e up against the reality of an actual baby, toddler, child, teenager.

They are suggesting that it is mean and unpleasant to be as judgemental as you have been - throwing around nasty terms like 'lazy parenting' - especially when you are judging people who have real life experience of something you are just theorising about, and judging them on a snapshot of their lives.

One day you may find yourself parenting in a less-than-perfect manner, because you are tired, the baby hasn't slept because they are teething, they are having their third tantrum of the day and it is barely past breakfast time. When that happens - do you want people to give you the benefit of the doubt or do you want them to come on the World Wide Web and accuse you of being a lazy parent?

As I said earlier - the gentle and humane thing is not to judge other parents harshly, for doing what they need to do to cope, based only on a snapshot of their lives.

Rabbit12345 · 12/02/2017 22:46

SDT sums this up perfectly.

You have been given a hard time OP but believe me, when you become a mother something breaks inside and no-one will be harder on you than yourself! So when you live with that reality you might have some sympathy for us mums who get a teeny bit defensive at your a strangers judgement of our parenting.

bumsexatthebingo · 12/02/2017 22:51

Some kids with sn may need an Ipad to cope with certain situations. Some kids may need an Ipad because they have been given one so many times when they've been distressed that they've not learned the skills to calm themselves in any other way.
I don't think the op is saying she wouldn't allow her child to have an Ipad to communicate for eg if they were non-verbal or any other relatively are scenarios people are coming up with to show that they are essential for under 3's.

KittyVonCatsington · 12/02/2017 22:54

Please read before you comment as well, OP. I was responding to another poster. Not you.

bumsexatthebingo · 12/02/2017 22:57

I'm not currently a teacher. I've taught EYs in the past but now work in schools in another capacity. And I've never seen so many children entering school with the speech and communication issues they have now. In the specific areas of the EYFS kids are much ahead. Thee is a lot more focus on formal learning in preschool education. But it's not that important at age 4 to be able to do relatively difficult maths if you can't put your coat on or play a co-perative game with a friend imo.

mathanxiety · 12/02/2017 22:59

Agree tantrums are not caused by technology and it is just as easy to get lost in a book as online. This was me as a child, though my family used to read at dinner and often dad would read aloud if he found a funny passage in whatever he had brought to the table.

Rabbit12345 · 12/02/2017 23:08

age 4 to be able to do relatively difficult maths if you can't put your coat on or play a co-perative game with a friend Imo

I haven't seen an increase in this at all in my locality. As far as speech is concerned I believe that we are more aware of it now and intervention is given where previously a child would have been left to "grow out of it". I also think there is probably a bigger picture to this. The way we parent our children has changed. Lack of independence is down to many social factors and not just technological advancement.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 12/02/2017 23:11

Well of course tantrums are not caused by technology. Toddlers have had tantrums from the existence of humans and will continue to do so until we cease to exist.

bobberybobble · 12/02/2017 23:18

I am pretty sure the whole TV/screen time thing stemmed from childhood obesity. Not because using technology is a bad thing.

My 3.5 year old (summer baby, starts school in September) has his own iPad, leap pad and uses our laptops. Along side lots of physical activities, his enormous collection of books. He is massively technically savvy.

Technology is everywhere, from the machines that made your car and sofa so affordable, to the fact that technology is ingrained in the curriculum. My preschool has kindles, that the children can use for reading, maths and just fun! Most schools near us have coding club starting from 7 too.

It would be an incredible disadvantage for you child to not use technology. Alongside a childhood brimming with lots of different experiences.

I was a bit funny about my DS using iPads and things at the start, but he has learnt so much from using educational apps and even watching you tube videos. It has really helped with his numeracy and language skills.

He has a French app (they do French in preschool) and can fluently count to twenty in both French and English. I can't get passed 10... he knows the first few letters of his favourite videos and types these into the search bar etc.

It's so different from when we was young, I learnt to touch type in my early twenties, my sister who is 10 years younger than me, learnt to touch type at 13, because using a keyboard was just a normal thing!

Reconsider the tech rule, oh and stop being so judgey.

2014newme · 12/02/2017 23:20

It's sad that your happiest time in life was playing on your own as a child. Really sad.

mathanxiety · 12/02/2017 23:24

I don't know why that would be sad. Some children have a well developed inner life. Not everyone is a bouncing extrovert.

Gowgirl · 12/02/2017 23:30

Hands up I am lazy I have a 10 yrols, a 4yr old and a 2 year old, I LOVE c beebies, I worship at the alter of gfa......because the little sods fight!

CopperBoomCopperBoom · 12/02/2017 23:51

I agree with you BabyBlues, YANBU