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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not bring my child up with technology??

316 replies

Babyblues14 · 12/02/2017 18:17

I hate seeing kids in prams holding phones or ipads. Surely children and supposed to be children. When I was younger I could play on own for hours and it was the best time of my life
My partner has a son who lives with us and although hes a teenager now there has never been a time where he is not on a pc, phone or games console. when he was smaller he would scream bloody murder if it was ever taken away from him.
Im currently pregnant and have no plans for my child to grow up like this but my family think Im mad. I just think its a lazy way to shut your kid up. I do use technology but only when necessary and I hardly used social media. I just want my child to have a real childhood instead of scaring at a screen. What do you think??

OP posts:
Rabbit12345 · 12/02/2017 18:30

I remember being this smug when I was pregnant with my first too OP.

Nothing wrong with having ideals but try not to be so hard on yourself when you look back in 10 years and realise you were kidding yourself.

Peanut14 · 12/02/2017 18:30

You're being a bit smug. But to be fair before I had my dc I judged my sister for letting her dc have her phone, a few years later and I've changed my tune. I agree they are at a disadvantage if denied modern technology, I don't agree with your comment that your child will have a real childhood, mine do, they play, bake, paint are outside as much as possible but still love to watch something on my phone.

Are you not going to let your child watch tv too?

justdontevenfuckingstart · 12/02/2017 18:31

My two were on some panda game forum thing when they were younger. I have to say their typing is amazing whilst mine is atrocious. You learn so much from the internet, you click through randoms things and learn so much. It's not all just pointless staring at a screen.

Crispbutty · 12/02/2017 18:32

I agree to a certain degree Op. at Christmas my nephews (2 & 5) were not interested in any of the lovely traditional gifts that their other aunt had got them (beautiful hand made wooden toys that were totally age appropriate) and just wanted to sit with the kindle fires that their dad had got them. I found that quite sad.

Nothing wrong with technology but it's nice to see kids reading actual books, colouring, and playing games and interacting with other people.

FaFoutis · 12/02/2017 18:33

I think this may be somewhat of a stepmother problem, rather than a technology problem.

Imaginosity · 12/02/2017 18:33

I don't want to be playing with my children all the time - we need a break from each other. Today I've taken them out for a big walk and they went swimming and shopping. We were chatting all day. We're all bored of each other now. Everyone is home and tired and relaxing looking at various screens.

Your child is likely to shout and tantrum and act spoilt at times despite all your good intentions before they are born.

nursekayko · 12/02/2017 18:33

When we went to Disney world I was so upset at seeing kids with iPads in their buggies. You're at DISNEYWORLD!!!

DH and I are very geeky and techy, we have all the consoles and gadgets. I'm 7 months pregnant and we have said we will not use iPads or our Nintendo DS in front of them. It won't be considered a treat or the norm. Netflix will be through the TV.

This is only because our nephews (12&17) are glued to their xboxes and when we visit, we barely get a grunt.

MetallicBeige · 12/02/2017 18:34

I was an awesome parent, my children were never going to eat sugar, have dummies, watch tv etc etc.

Then I actually had children... Grin

Taylor22 · 12/02/2017 18:35

Lol come back when you've got a horrible sickness bug and a demanding toddler.

Take your smugness and smoke it.

PickAChew · 12/02/2017 18:37

So you're essentially using social media to tell us you have little need for social media? Confused

Do what you like. There are no medals for not ever giving your child an iPad to play with so you can take a shit in peace.

ittooshallpass · 12/02/2017 18:38

A child can scream blue murder just as loudly when you take away their Lego/ teddy/ wooden toy as they can when you take away an iPad/ tablet/ phone.

OP... in the kindest possible way, we ALL have an idealised way in which we are going to raise our children.

I said my child was never having a dummy, would always eat wholesome food I made from scratch and would go to bed on time every night. Grin

Believe me in 12 months time you will cringe/ laugh/ feel a bit sheepish about this thread. Blush

Flowers for you.

Clandestino · 12/02/2017 18:39

This is only because our nephews (12&17) are glued to their xboxes and when we visit, we barely get a grunt.

My brother is in his mid forties. At that age he'd grunt at the visitors and then crawl back into his den to read a book. Not sure how you could make a boy in his teens a great company.

FaFoutis · 12/02/2017 18:40

I dont want my child obsessed and a spoilt little git. Like I said my dh son screamed the place down when it was taken off him and its the most ridiculous behaviour I've ever seen

Stepmother problem.

Spikeyball · 12/02/2017 18:42

Ds has no interest in using technology at all. I wish he did have because he is non verbal, probably always will be and an interest in technology would enhance his chances of communicating in another way. It's not all evil you know.

Amandahugandkisses · 12/02/2017 18:43

Wait until you have the child

Crispbutty · 12/02/2017 18:43

Oh op, you have your work cut out, you are a stepmother.. they dint like round these parts Grin

Crispbutty · 12/02/2017 18:43

Oh op, you have your work cut out, you are a stepmother.. they dint like round these parts Grin

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 12/02/2017 18:43

I do agree I don't like seeing little babies in prams on tablets ect. However that said. That's the way the world is now, and If you don't keep up it's a case of eff you and you're left behind. Technology is here. Its not going anywhere. You can't beat it, so. You might as well join it.
I had all ideas of what I was/wasn't going to do when I was expecting dd. Trust me. They went out the window when reality set in.

NerrSnerr · 12/02/2017 18:44

It's about happy medium in my book. I have a 2 year old. She is allowed to watch Peppa and that idiot Wallygazam but she has plenty of time away from the telly. There are a couple of iPad apps she enjoys paying and they are definitely educational.

Crumbs1 · 12/02/2017 18:44

Plymouth Brethren raise well behaved children without use of technology. Personally I think all things in moderation. I understand your concerns and can't abide children not interacting but think avoiding technology per se is not necessarily the answer. Will the be allowed to watch teletubbies or whatever latest show is? Will they be allowed to play Pingu maths games on a desktop? Will they be allowed hearing aids if they are hearing impaired? What about educational toys like v tech play computers or pretend phones to practice their language skills?

Rabbit12345 · 12/02/2017 18:46

When we went to Disney world I was so upset at seeing kids with iPads in their buggies.

Have you ever tried to get an escape artist toddler to sit in a buggy for 5 minutes?? No??? Enough said!

nurseblonde · 12/02/2017 18:47

My brother is in his mid forties. At that age he'd grunt at the visitors and then crawl back into his den to read a book. Not sure how you could make a boy in his teens a great company.

We are the auntie and uncle who love very far away, we barely see them. Once we took them out for a day when one nephew was 8... let's say he was lying on the floor in the middle of a theme park screaming as he wanted his PSP. We only got out the car an hour ago!

I just wish they would make an effort and say hello. Last time we visited we didn't even get an hello from the eldest, which made me sad :-(

SEsofty · 12/02/2017 18:47

So you don't approve of how your partner parents his son. Yet you choose to have a baby with him. Is your partner going to parent completely differently this time, as he will have half the say in how your child is raised.

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/02/2017 18:47

"I hate seeing kids in prams holding phones or ipads."
Well there's something I have never seen!

I think you need to take the baggage of technology away. Let's replace that with 'reading'. At one point (admittedly a long time ago) reading would have been regarded as completely unnecessary, only likely to get the lower classes expectations above their station. Children should be getting sent up chimneys or taught how to use a loom, something useful. Fast-forward, my childhood was spent with my nose in a book, and reading was essential for modern life. Illiteracy was something that consigned you to the poorly paid jobs when older. And then we come to today, when technology is in every part of our world, involved in pretty much every job, desk-bound or no.

Play is not just some standalone activity. When tiger cubs play, they are learning to hunt and kill. When human children play, they are learning to interact with their society. If that society is riddled with tech, they need to get familiar with it or - well, be illiterate with tech.

I think you are being very blinkered towards tech. And potentially putting your child at a later disadvantage. Social media is not compulsory, but it is useful to know it exists and how it works. It will undoubtedly change again before your child is ready to use it. I am old enough to remember the world pre-internet. It was no utopia.

So yes, I agree with your family. You are being a bit mad. It is not just a lazy way to shut your kid up, it is a way to prepare them for the big wide world.

I mean this kindly, though it will not come across this way. You don't have children now, so you can have these opinions based on your own experience. But your child is your bridge to the future, and what worked in the past - your childhood - is most unlikely to work for your child. And it is your job as a parent to put aside your prejudices and meet your child's needs.

WhooooAmI24601 · 12/02/2017 18:48

I have an 11 year old and a 6 year old. Both are tech-savvy and can navigate their way around Scratch (a coding website from MIT), our MacBooks, Kindles and iPads. Both have grown up with a healthy balance of technology and the Real World; you don't have to eliminate one or the other, it's balance. They are outdoors every day horse riding, swimming, walking the dog, at Scouts, judo and playing out with friends.

I had a lot of ideas pre-DS1 about what I was going to do. Some I stuck with, some I adapted to suit both of our needs. You never stop adapting as they grow up. Technology can be a fabulous addition to a healthy, happy childhood. The 11 year old isn't watching inappropriate stuff and missing out on any vital childhood moments because he's a great coder. The 6 year old hasn't missed any developmental milestones for watching Iggle PIggle on an iPad occasionally. They've both used iPads for spellings practise since they were tiny and are exceptional readers. Their knowledge of technology expands their education rather than hindering it.

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