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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not bring my child up with technology??

316 replies

Babyblues14 · 12/02/2017 18:17

I hate seeing kids in prams holding phones or ipads. Surely children and supposed to be children. When I was younger I could play on own for hours and it was the best time of my life
My partner has a son who lives with us and although hes a teenager now there has never been a time where he is not on a pc, phone or games console. when he was smaller he would scream bloody murder if it was ever taken away from him.
Im currently pregnant and have no plans for my child to grow up like this but my family think Im mad. I just think its a lazy way to shut your kid up. I do use technology but only when necessary and I hardly used social media. I just want my child to have a real childhood instead of scaring at a screen. What do you think??

OP posts:
plutohasfeelingstoo · 12/02/2017 19:17

"When I was younger I could play on own for hours and it was the best time of my life"

Playing by yourself as a child was the best time of your life?

Babyblues14 · 12/02/2017 19:17

I never stated I wouldnt bring them up with technology when their children but I see no use for it when they are babies/toddlers

OP posts:
Timefor2 · 12/02/2017 19:18

I think it's easy to be very smug about this kind of thing - particularly when you haven't yet had a kid - but limiting screen time certainly is sensible, in my opinion. My DD is 2 and watches no TV most days and then probably 20-30 minutes tops on the other days. No rigid rule, but that's just how it works out. I find the more they watch, the more they demand at this age and also I'm not a fan of background TV or toddlers spending hours watching stuff.

That said, there are big exceptions. Aged around 18 months DD would struggle to sit nicely in a highchair when out for more than maybe 20 minutes and so, if we wanted to enjoy an hour for a meal or a couple of drinks, we'd use the iPhone with something from CBeebies to buy us a little more time. Like the poster who used phones once a week at the swimming pool, people probably also judged us for using a phone with our toddler while out but wouldn't know it was the only time she got screen time all week.

Also on flights, the iPad is the last thing we get out after colouring, stickers, snacks etc but once she starts to get bored and we still have a way to go then it is a total lifesaver.

I do have friends who have kids TV loads and their toddlers know every Disney film backwards. Each to their own but to me that seems like a lot of screen time they must be getting.

Of course mine is only a toddler now - as she reaches school age then screen time will be, at the right time and in the right ways, much more valuable.

Buzzardbird · 12/02/2017 19:18

I suspect that you should spend more time with a dictionary OP.
Worst use of English I have seen since I last looked on FB.

treaclesoda · 12/02/2017 19:19

That should say 'loving them and keeping them safe'

MongerTruffle · 12/02/2017 19:20

lol im an idiot for wanting to spend with my child when their younger

After you give birth, you will be begging for peace and quiet.

EveningShadows · 12/02/2017 19:20

I know the OP is being goady but two things strike me about this thread.

  1. If you don't let your kids use technology at all at home before they start school they really won't be playing catch up - my DC had no access to any technology pre school and have no problems keeping up with their peers. The only thing they struggle with is games consoles but I'm not losing any sleep over that while they're at primary school.
  1. Parents are desperately naive about what their kids get up to on line - all MNers seem to proclaim that their kids would never do this that or the other on line and totally get internet safety, but the figures don't stable up. Kids aren't staying safe on line so someone is being lied to - I'm a teacher and daily horrified at the stories my kids tell me of what they have access to at home Sad
Fluffycloudland77 · 12/02/2017 19:20

Mothers used to stick their babies in play pens with a few toys and get on with the housework.

EveningShadows · 12/02/2017 19:21

Stack up not stable up!

treaclesoda · 12/02/2017 19:21

If you don't want to expose your future toddler to technology then don't. It's no big deal. Equally it's no big deal if someone does want to use it. Why does it have to be about who is the better parent?Confused

Wishforsnow · 12/02/2017 19:22

I wonder if children are more welcomed in restaurants now because if technology. It will keep a teething 2 yo quiet at the table. I assume that's why you may see it more out and about. I would rather that than a parent pacing up and down a restaurant trying to shhhh a crying baby to no avail and is much more annoying to other patrons

WorraLiberty · 12/02/2017 19:22

If your partner's child is obsessed with technology, what makes you think he will raise this one differently?

Topseyt · 12/02/2017 19:22

OP, you need to seriously revise some of your own English grammar.

You seem confused about they're, there and their. Look it up. Also, punctuation and the use of would of, could of etc. instead of the correct would have, should have.

You could use your screen time to check it all out.

BusyBeez99 · 12/02/2017 19:23

I really don't like seeing young kids in restaurant with headphones on watching an iPad.

Our child watched kids TV when a toddler but never had our phones or iPad. Got him a Nintendo DS when he was 5 to tie in with first plane flying.

YANBU to see babies and toddlers with iPads but YABU if you are going to stop your school age child from using

tempyuseynamey · 12/02/2017 19:23

please return to this thread in a few years OP and give us an update!!

Grin Grin Grin

NewYearNewLife53 · 12/02/2017 19:24

Well done, Astoria. This is what we all should be doing. Your children will not escape technology (OP, I can't understand you wanting to put them at such a disadvantage). Astoria has the best response to this.

Wishforsnow · 12/02/2017 19:26

Good point by someone upthread that you played for hours on your own and were happy. Are you also planning on ignoring your child in the same way but will be smug that they didn't use an iPad during this time?

Babyblues14 · 12/02/2017 19:26

oh im am dyslexic by the way but thanks everyone for pointing that out

OP posts:
lanbro · 12/02/2017 19:26

My 3 and 4 yr olds have their own kindles, the 4 yo uses a tablet at school. I think everything in moderation.

At our school a child in reception gets out of the car with an ipad, walks to school and lines up with it, it's only taken off him when the line goes in. To me, that is ott. Our dc sit happily in restaurants without the need for technology. I do think some parents use them for an easy life but there is a happy medium

nopunintended11 · 12/02/2017 19:26

My DS didn't really watch TV until he was 5 and even now at 8 we do not have a TV license-he watches Netflix occasionally and no Ipad, games consoles in the house.

When he goes out with his mates, they are unable to entertain themselves and demand their ipads. Even on playdates, after about an hour the other children are demanding the ipad or playstation.

So it will be hard for him to "relate" to his friends but I do prefer it this way as he knows how to be "bored" rather to defaulting to an electronic.

ANameToHide · 12/02/2017 19:27

Dd did a lot if work on the PC and iPads at school from reception onwards. She's y7 now and one if her projects is to code an app, all her homework is to be done and handed in online, I'd imagine there'd be a lot more tech involved in schools by the time your DC reaches it.

Its usual for a toddler to tantrum when something they like is taken away, how did your dh manage his toddlers time with tech? You said you don't want your baby to be a spoilt little shit which makes me wonder if your dh gave his son the tablet or phone or whatever back when he

My own stepson used to be pissed off when his PlayStation had to be turned off, but it wasn't the PlayStation that was the problem, it was the way his time on it was managed, he was given the console as a comfort thing when his parents split, and initially allowed unlimited play time, and then if he created when asked to turn off when guests were there, or for meals, he'd be allowed to just stay on because it was easier than dealing with him crying for hours when guests were there. Dh did similar when he was at hours because he didn't want him to not come So would let him play all day long.

When we had dd I was never going to ban tech, she was using the net from 2 years old, there's a lot of brilliant educational tools online, safety talks also started at two and bits added on over the years. Some children are being their first online device at 11 with a list of safety dos and donts, I keep think if dd was just starting with tech now I dint know where I'd start with the safety stuff and how to expect her to remember it all. There's so much more than not giving personal info to strangers, there's porn, there's IAPs, there's viruses, understanding that what you post is there forever and can be searched by employers etc, what to do if someone sends sexual content, boys asking for nude photos etc etc and it's like other things, they learn it all over time which is why I wanted dd to be taught about it all before she hit secondary school.

People assume when they a child on a tablet they are playing games etc, when they do so much more. Playing a game is the least likely thing my dd will be doing on her tablet, homework or reading a book is what she's usually doing or editing music and photos.

People have been distracting babies in pram so for eons, when I was little I remember my mam moaning about children needing rattles fastened to the pushchairs and how it's sad they looking at plastic rather than the world, her Mum moaned about babies being given food to shut them up when out and about.

I find more adults seem dependant on their phones if anything, we were out for a meal last night and every single table had at least on adult on their phone. I've seen adults tell their kids to out devices away when eating as its rude, and then sit reading Facebook themselves.

Eating lunch at my Mums every other week is similar, all the DC all their stuff away (sometimes tablets but often a book, dolls etc too) and my Mum has to bollock my brother and sister to do the same as they'd spend the whole meal reading Facebook.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 12/02/2017 19:27

Course you are dear course you are

Caterina99 · 12/02/2017 19:27

My toddler will scream when you take anything away from him. iPad, book, toy, inappropriate household object, food, anything. And yes I don't want him to spend too much time on screens, but omg what a lifesaver when they are kicking off and you have no choice but to try and keep them entertained. Like when you have a doctors appointment or are on a plane or in a long queue.

mainlywingingit · 12/02/2017 19:27

I don't think the OP is trying to sound smug. Everything is very idealised when you are pregnant and imagining the best for them. It's not always like that.

My 2 year old barely has an appetite, not interested in food, not bribable with cakes , the only way I can get him
To eat is with an iPad which is absolutely not what I imagined. Parenting is tied in so closely with emotion, you might think "just let them starve they will eventually eat" but mine will not eat for days, just not bothered.

With the iPad he will eat full spaghetti bolognese, yoghurt, masses of fruit and cheese. I don't want him to be underweight and have stunted height. Sometimes the ideal doesn't work out. You find a compromise - he doesn't watch any TV outside of mealtimes and is distracted in a restaurant to semi-eat morsels so I don't use an iPad then.

You might sail through it all but sometimes parenting feels like survival of your own mental health too!

It's still good to have ideals but not all of them Work out......

ConfusedCod · 12/02/2017 19:27

EveningShadows here internet safety is managed like this:

  1. All locks, parental controls on etc. (Obviously children are capable of bypassing these so rule 2 comes in to play)

  2. All computers are kept downstairs. Tablets stay downstairs. Older teenage dsd leaves phone downstairs at night time.

  3. Have has all the talks regarding internet safety. If they get a message from a stranger, an abusive message from a friend, something fishy come up they are to tell us immediately. They get praise and support for doing so. Internet rights are revoked if they don't.

Obviously for the much younger ones they get to listen to the talks but only get 30 minutes supervised time once a week anyway.