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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To completely ignore this massive hint?

446 replies

Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 12:32

Do not to drip feed dh and I don't have a close relationship with bil and sil.

We have fundamentally different views of parenting and there was some weirdness around gift giving on our dds bday and Christmas last year.

Not heard from them since Christmas Day again not unusual we generally hear from them at birthdays and Christmas and if we bump into each other at inlaws it's smiling nodding and being polite.

To try and formulate a bond between our dd and dn we've facilitated a few sleepovers at ours and tbh it was bloody awful dn is spiteful, destructive and generally a pain so after the last one we (dh and I) said no more.

Had text today from bil saying "dn would love to come yours to see dds room again as she had lots of fun last time" no hi how are u nothing

Dn is 4.5 and dd is 2.5 so they're not close in age last time she was here she pulled dds pigtails and made her cry, stamped on and broke a toy and ripped up the toy money from dds till. Dh was cooking and I was playing with them but she'd done all of them before I could stop her and then smirked at me after.

Aibu to ignore his text

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 16:01

Sapphire- I suppose I am dragging it out but part of me thinks their cheek is hilarious.

Also I know bil will be getting wound up that I'm being deliberately vague

OP posts:
AGirlsNameIsAryaStark · 10/02/2017 16:01

I think its gone far enough now that you're going to have to mention what happened last time. Maybe something along the lines of "I would be happy to meet you at the park/zoo/insert local play place here, didn't want to mention it but there were a lot of tears last time and a few toys were broken. I can send you the link to some of DD's toys that DN liked if you'd like to get them for her"

Itscurtainsforyou · 10/02/2017 16:01

This must be so wearing OP. I think you're now at the point where you need to reply "no sorry" to every request. Don't give an excuse/explanation, just say no.

ToastieRoastie · 10/02/2017 16:04

DN must be hassling her parents to come and play with your DDs toys!

ScarlettFreestone · 10/02/2017 16:04

Why is a 4 yo interested in a 2 yos toys?

That's quite odd.

I wouldn't personally let a visiting 4 yo play unsupervised with my 2 yo anyway.

Clutterbugsmum · 10/02/2017 16:05

I think you need to get your DH to text his brother and tell him you will under no circumstances having DN this weekend or any other unless you request it, and not to visit this weekend as you are not available. And that you will not be answering any other text's about this issue.

If BIL & SIL throw a hissy fit then let get on with it.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 10/02/2017 16:06

Ugh, their desperation is palpable.

"No thanks" would be my default reply. Over and over

Blatherskite · 10/02/2017 16:06

It's very odd that he seems so fixated with Dn playing with your DD's toys.

amusedbush · 10/02/2017 16:07

Right, this is ridiculous now. You really need to be straight about how their kid behaved and why you don't want her back.

Topseyt · 10/02/2017 16:08

OP, you are beating about the bush far too much and giving them the chance to get back at you. Far too many potential openings.

Shut the conversation down once and for all now and be unequivocal. Say something like "No, it went very badly last time and we won't be doing it again. End of story". Beyond that do not engage further.

If you talk about getting back to them with future dates then you are perpetuating the behaviour. He will then keep on at you. Basically your messages to him need to be clearly telling him to bugger off. Currently they are not, hence his persistence.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 10/02/2017 16:09

'Next Sunday is fine , we'll be over about 2. DD is looking forward to seeing DN's room'

00100001 · 10/02/2017 16:09

"Are you busy next Sunday? Would be exciting for dn to play with dds Christmas toys"

"We're busy. Another time perhaps"

00100001 · 10/02/2017 16:09

"Are you busy next Sunday? Would be exciting for dn to play with dds Christmas toys"

"We're busy. Another time perhaps"

RortyCrankle · 10/02/2017 16:09

Clutterbugsmum
I think you need to get your DH to text his brother and tell him you will under no circumstances having DN this weekend or any other unless you request it, and not to visit this weekend as you are not available. And that you will not be answering any other text's about this issue.
If BIL & SIL throw a hissy fit then let get on with it.

This, with bells on. Stop the pussy footing around.

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 10/02/2017 16:10

Bloody hell..... dn wants to play with dd's room, it would be exciting for her to play with dd's Christmas toys??? Dd's room and possessions aren't there to be a source of excitement and fun for dn.

At this point I'd be into ignoring, or a clear 'dd didn't enjoy dn's visit last time as while dn was enjoying dd's toys she broke a number of them.'

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 16:10

Here goes

"We're busy next Sunday as dh is leaving on Sunday night for work so we're having a quiet family weekend. Dd and I are going on a mummy daughter date day on the Monday as it's half term and we want a quality day alone as we're so busy in term time with forest school and trampolining.

Dh and I don't think sleep overs are a good idea as dd has become very distracted at bed time and adding another person into the mix could be a recipe for disaster.

The toys ur dd liked were timone and pumba, belle and dds dressing up tutu. You may want to pick them up from the Disney store as this sleeping issue with our dd could be in for a while.

See you soon "

OP posts:
amusedbush · 10/02/2017 16:11

I still think you're being too kind.

YellowDinosaur · 10/02/2017 16:12

Those of you slagging the op for not being direct enough...

She's having fun playing with them. She said ago. Tbh I think that's pretty funny and a good way to handle it. They are the sort of people who won't take any criticism well and there is nothing she has said that could be used against her to cause a fall out.

Will played op! Grin

Megatherium · 10/02/2017 16:12

You're really going to have to get a grip on this, otherwise you'll be making excuses every weekend and holiday for at least the next year. I really think you're going to have to take a deep breath and say that it really didn't work last time and you're not going to contemplate this until DD is considerably older.

picklemepopcorn · 10/02/2017 16:12

If you aren't careful, you'll be guilty of stringing them along, and make the bad feeling worse. Or else you'll end up having to have her.

"I didn't want to be blunt but Last time DN slept over and played with dds toys, there were lots of tears and breakages. We all need to wait until the girls are older. Sad Are you having problems finding a babysitter?"

How did Christmas go, with the present expectations?

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/02/2017 16:12

"Are you busy next Sunday? Would be exciting for dn to play with dds Christmas toys"
Oh, I'd be responding to this one with 'Seriously? DD is 2, DN is 4. Are you saying there is a developmental delay?'

Gloves off.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2017 16:13

'I am not available for babysitting at any time in the foreseeable future, nor for hosting sleepovers. Please stop trying it on. '

HecateAntaia · 10/02/2017 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

8misskitty8 · 10/02/2017 16:13

I would reply to that last text. 'No, As I have already mentioned it isn't convenient for us at the moment and we will let you know when we can meet up, and this time we could come to yours for the afternoon and Dd could play with Dn toys for a change'

If he still persists then I'm afraid you will have to just be firm and say no, you don't want dn to sleep over at yours as she has damaged toys.

YouWillNotSeeMe · 10/02/2017 16:13

Just say whenever you meet you are not doing any sleepovers and did it strange DN is so interested in a 2 yr olds toys