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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To completely ignore this massive hint?

446 replies

Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 12:32

Do not to drip feed dh and I don't have a close relationship with bil and sil.

We have fundamentally different views of parenting and there was some weirdness around gift giving on our dds bday and Christmas last year.

Not heard from them since Christmas Day again not unusual we generally hear from them at birthdays and Christmas and if we bump into each other at inlaws it's smiling nodding and being polite.

To try and formulate a bond between our dd and dn we've facilitated a few sleepovers at ours and tbh it was bloody awful dn is spiteful, destructive and generally a pain so after the last one we (dh and I) said no more.

Had text today from bil saying "dn would love to come yours to see dds room again as she had lots of fun last time" no hi how are u nothing

Dn is 4.5 and dd is 2.5 so they're not close in age last time she was here she pulled dds pigtails and made her cry, stamped on and broke a toy and ripped up the toy money from dds till. Dh was cooking and I was playing with them but she'd done all of them before I could stop her and then smirked at me after.

Aibu to ignore his text

OP posts:
JennyWoodentop · 10/02/2017 17:59

Why don't we all come over to yours when it is convenient for you so DD can see DN's room and toys for a change?

  • this is a great response if you want to spin things along, but I think at this point I'd be filing his texts under "ignore"
Nanny0gg · 10/02/2017 18:01

I didn't mean no relationship just think you need to commit to seeing dn on a regular basis, so when are you free?"

No mention of them wanting to see your DD...

Mrsmadevans · 10/02/2017 18:01

tbh I wouldn't let them within a mile of my dd, I just don't think you can trust them to look after her and keep their bloody darling's hands off her

Eevee77 · 10/02/2017 18:02

What a fucking joker. He's clearly unreasonable so I'd stop engaging with him for now and talk to your OH.

LaContessaDiPlump · 10/02/2017 18:05

Errr..... Confused fucking hell. He's interesting, isn't he?

How about: 'Look, I appreciate that, but DD is 2 and having issues sleeping. She won't build much of a relationship with DN if she's tired, screaming and miserable, so it's for the best to not do sleepovers until DD is older. I hope you understand. As I've said, daytime meet-ups would be fab.'

rollonthesummer · 10/02/2017 18:06

I would reply, 'oh, will you also be comitting to seeing my DD on a regular basis?'

FancyThatFenceEdge · 10/02/2017 18:08

Why not text back with the best reply possible:

"Fuck off".

:-)

mya83 · 10/02/2017 18:08

Tell them you'll go round to theirs for tea so the kids can play together. If it was encouraging the relationship they wanted then they would accept this. If they don't then it's clear they just want a babysitter in which case your last message should pull them up on it.

JennyWoodentop · 10/02/2017 18:10

"I didn't mean no relationship just think you need to commit to seeing dn on a regular basis, so when are you free?"

Your communications so far have been about DN wanting to see DDs room, play with DDs toys and you wanting us to provide overnight babysitting for DN. You haven't mentioned your family having any interest in reciprocating these arrangements for DD - are you saying that you also wish to commit to seeing DD on a regular basis?

If that is the case, I think the girls are too young to be dropped off and left without their parents - we had some behaviour issues with DN last time this happened. Why don't the six (?) of us meet in the park/zoo/MacDonalds on x - date and see how it goes and take things from there?

  • I think he's too thick skinned and focused on his own agenda for that to work though, so I would just ignore him
Nocabbageinmyeye · 10/02/2017 18:11

"Maybe you should text dh to make arrangements so that you can both commit to seeing your nieces regularly"

Fuck that it's your dh's bother, and his niece and your dd is his niece, let them sort it out

EweAreHere · 10/02/2017 18:11

Tell them you're open to a play date at a soft play barn or something similar, and they have to stay, too. You'll meet, have tea while the girls run around and you can watch your DD like a hawk, then say goodbye and go your separate ways.

If pressed, tell them their daughter is too rough with your own daughter's toys, appears to deliberately break them, and no, she's not welcome to play with them until she outgrows that stage. So you'd prefer to meet elsewhere, like parks and playbarns.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 10/02/2017 18:15

The amount of Brasso he must go through polishing that brass neck of his...

LotsOfAxolotlsAndOcelots · 10/02/2017 18:20

I would be deploying the MN peach that is, 'Oh do fuck off dear'. Twat that he is.

Groovee · 10/02/2017 18:21

He sounds like dh's SIL!

AyUpMiDuck · 10/02/2017 18:23

agree with the "not at the moment, dd too young, not got bandwith ATM " type replies. no need to apologise.

MadMags · 10/02/2017 18:23

Wtf??

You're not a NRP!!!

Text back:

"As I said, we're really busy for the foreseeable future. We'll organise a visit with you all soon."

HappyFlappy · 10/02/2017 18:24

Why is a 4 yo interested in a 2 yos toys?

You read my mind Scarlett

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 10/02/2017 18:25

What AlmostAJill said. I'd be straightforward, but I call a spade a spade Grin.

Your BIL is a piece of work, isn't he? Will it really be that great a loss for them to fuck off out of not play a part in your lives?

On my girls' 2nd birthday (party at paternal grandparent's house), their 5-year old cousin opened all their pressies, played with their toys, broke a few and wouldn't let them play with anything. I told the grandparents in no uncertain terms I DO NOT want that little brat (yes, I called him that), near my girls again.

HappyFlappy · 10/02/2017 18:27

She's having fun playing with them. She said ago. Tbh I think that's pretty funny and a good way to handle it.

That's what I think too, Yellow And it's probably the way I would amuse myself if people didn't take a hint th first, or at least the second, time.

(I am world-famous for my mature attitude. obviously Grin)

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 10/02/2017 18:28

Oh, and I have to add that little brat's mum just said there with a tolerant smile on her face watching her brat open the presents and break the toys, and said absolutely nothing! grrrrrr woof woof Angry

CalmItKermitt · 10/02/2017 18:28

😮😮😮😮

hutchblue · 10/02/2017 18:32

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Imstickingwiththisone · 10/02/2017 18:37

Fucking hell OP has he been left home alone and he's up for a fight so trying to goad you into one? I agree with pp's sod them all life's too short to put up with shit like that.

Bestthingever · 10/02/2017 18:38

I feel for you. My db and sil can be difficult and I really have to watch what I say. A text like you sent, although I understand why, would have really stirred it. I probably would have just said that dd was going through a phase of waking in the night and sleepovers weren't a good idea.

HappyFlappy · 10/02/2017 18:41

I wonder if DN was being such a little toad hard work because she didn't want to be staying over with you and felt that her parents just wanted her out of the way (who knows what she's overheard "We can get rid of Verruca for a night and enjoy ourselves. Text that soft touch SIL to take her for a few hours. Bloody kid is getting on my tts. I'm sick of the sight of the little cow her today." Or whatever. (Not that that means you should offer her sanctuary)

*Possibly not her real name

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