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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To completely ignore this massive hint?

446 replies

Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 12:32

Do not to drip feed dh and I don't have a close relationship with bil and sil.

We have fundamentally different views of parenting and there was some weirdness around gift giving on our dds bday and Christmas last year.

Not heard from them since Christmas Day again not unusual we generally hear from them at birthdays and Christmas and if we bump into each other at inlaws it's smiling nodding and being polite.

To try and formulate a bond between our dd and dn we've facilitated a few sleepovers at ours and tbh it was bloody awful dn is spiteful, destructive and generally a pain so after the last one we (dh and I) said no more.

Had text today from bil saying "dn would love to come yours to see dds room again as she had lots of fun last time" no hi how are u nothing

Dn is 4.5 and dd is 2.5 so they're not close in age last time she was here she pulled dds pigtails and made her cry, stamped on and broke a toy and ripped up the toy money from dds till. Dh was cooking and I was playing with them but she'd done all of them before I could stop her and then smirked at me after.

Aibu to ignore his text

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 10/02/2017 17:11

Reply 'Oh, that's a bit melodramatic don't you think? They can meet up in the daytime and have a nice time while all the parents chat, after all. We must schedule something like that soon xxxx'

He'll be livid Grin

JennyWoodentop · 10/02/2017 17:11

cross posted with your reply OP, I would let it drop now

Therealloislane · 10/02/2017 17:11

Did this really happen?

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 17:14

There- yes it did

There are other things in with the texts that mean I won't screen shot it. If you knew my bil it would not surprise you.

Because I haven't jumped up and down and pandered to him there will be another text before the night is out

OP posts:
handslikecowstits · 10/02/2017 17:18

Christ what a stupid little ball bag he is! I know you were stringing him along but I would have told him the truth from the get go.

I don't have many friends. Wink

Dumdedumdedum · 10/02/2017 17:23

I love LaContessadi's suggestion!

Katy07 · 10/02/2017 17:26

Another vote for LaContessadi's idea Grin

diddl · 10/02/2017 17:26

He'll be well pissed off that you out smarted him.

I can see though that no sleepover & no oming around to play with the toys might have upset him on his daughter's behalf.

Still he's shot himself in the foot as you knew what he was angling for didn't take the bait.

There's no coming back from what he said.

Smitff · 10/02/2017 17:45

I think from his perspective all your texts sound like you really don't want the girls together. Which you don't. But he won't know why, and will get the hump and blame you for being behind their separation. Always pays to be honest.

I think you should let it lie. When he raises this with DH, DH should tell him what the real problem is and that you were in a difficult position and didn't want to say. Plus you really are busy. Plus, the girls can't have a relationship only when BIL and SIL want babysitting from you. He has to firmly put this back on BIL and SIL and make sure they are left in no doubt that this is not your doing. He should then reiterate your joint offer to have DN around during the day at a time that is mutually convenient. NOT a sleepover when they want a night out.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 17:45

"I didn't mean no relationship just think you need to commit to seeing dn on a regular basis, so when are you free?"

OP posts:
Smitff · 10/02/2017 17:46

MIL has guests over Saturday night? Says it all. Does he think you were born yesterday??

Strokethefurrywall · 10/02/2017 17:48

"We're never going to be free to babysit your child. Now fuck off".

TheMythOfFingerprints · 10/02/2017 17:48

Wow, he's entitled.

HashiAsLarry · 10/02/2017 17:48

And their commitment is to your DD when and how much?

Just repeat 'I'll text you when its convenient'

Strokethefurrywall · 10/02/2017 17:48

I've got to say though, he's great value for a thread.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 10/02/2017 17:49

I don't think I could let the bit about the toys go OP. I think along with LaContessa's text I'd have to add "If you feel that way about the toys I do wonder why you were so pushy trying to drop DN to ours to play in DD's room with them..Hey ho and on we go "

magoria · 10/02/2017 17:49

Wow massive back pedalling or what!

You have to see your DN (at your house, trashing your DD's stuff) to have a relationship.

What does he have to do to have a relationship with his DN?

HashiAsLarry · 10/02/2017 17:49

Or do what lacontessa says

Strokethefurrywall · 10/02/2017 17:49

We're free no days, between the hours of midday and get to fuck.

Fluffycloudland77 · 10/02/2017 17:49

I don't get the mil guests thing.

He's a bully isn't he?

Dumdedumdedum · 10/02/2017 17:54

Why don't we all come over to yours when it is convenient for you so DD can see DN's room and toys for a change?

EssentialHummus · 10/02/2017 17:55

I'd still send a version of contessa's wording, tbf - They can meet up in the daytime and have a nice time while all the parents chat, after all. We must schedule something like that soon

HighDataUsage · 10/02/2017 17:56

Sounds like my bil, we are not welcome at his house because sil is an unsocial cow. However, he has decided that I will host his family for dinner every month so the cousins can get to know each other! I don't bloody think so, he can fuck off.

Well done for holding your ground.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 10/02/2017 17:57

Honestly i think you just need to tell him straight because he wouldn't get the hint if you dropped it on him from a great hight. "I'm sorry but i wasn't happy with DN's behaviour last time she stayed over. She physically hurt DD and broke toys seemingly deliberately and thought it was funny to do so. Until you teach her better manners to respect other people and their things i'm not happy with her coming to my house. Contact is a two way street and i'm happy to meet up at the park or for a day out (only if you are obv) so the girls can be in each others lives, but i'm not having my child hurt and her things damaged.

HecateAntaia · 10/02/2017 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.