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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this parent is really grabby?

320 replies

MintLeafTea · 10/02/2017 11:53

NC (is that you UCM) red rug/Titania/clay of cock.

My ds go to a local scout group. They run loads of events. Another parent used to go in and help out and she'd take photos for the newsletters and social media. She also used to e mail us digital photos.

She still helps out but in the newsletter there is a link and she is now selling all her photos.

AIBU to think she's only doing this to boost her business and I should tell her I want my children exempt from having their photos taken unless I can have copies (in lieu of modelling fees)

OP posts:

Elphame · 10/02/2017 12:39

I am an amateur photographer (in that it is not my day job). The equipment is not cheap ( one of my lenses cost over £900) and the post production software is not cheap or particularly easy to use so there's a lot of time spent in learning. There is also the cost of good quality photographic paper and a professional quality printer.

£10 per print is not making much of a profit. If other parents feel the same as you the chances are that she won't be taking any more let alone letting you have them free.

PoorYorick · 10/02/2017 12:39

The only grabby and entitled person here is you. Plus if you think photography is only about having a decent camera, you also seem quite ignorant.

Original poster

MintLeafTea · 10/02/2017 12:40

Ok
I was harsh saying any idiot ( I take that back) but still-she's there anyway and takes them while she is there.

I'm not goady, just annoyed.

OP posts:

Chelazla · 10/02/2017 12:41

My god they aren't modelling for her!! They are just at scouts she takes them So YOU can buy them if you want! No one except you will buy a pic with just your kid

budgiegirl · 10/02/2017 12:42

I'm not goady, just annoyed

Then withdraw your permission, job done. But it still seems like sour grapes to me.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/02/2017 12:43

I know I'm overinvested in this, but you are so so wrong to be annoyed. Your only response to this woman should be thank you.

Chocolatecake12 · 10/02/2017 12:43

Is any of the money she's charging going back into the scout group? Are you sure she's charging for her own profit?

RoughBeast · 10/02/2017 12:43

Why is it so hard to understand that while you used to get the services of a skilled professional for free because your kids shared an activity, you don't any more? Because she's changed her mind. Possibly because of entitled parents like you who want something for nothing...?

GinIsIn · 10/02/2017 12:43

Are you Samantha Brick and so are both your children? Nobody wants photos of your kids, except you. They aren't modelling for her, she's trying to do a nice thing for the group, and you are trying to be cheap. If you don't want them, just don't buy them.

Original poster

MintLeafTea · 10/02/2017 12:43

I WILL withdraw and would hope my dc are not restricted from activities because of this. I think that would be very unfair.

OP posts:

Goodasgoldilox · 10/02/2017 12:43

I was wondering - did you return the favour in some way when the photos were given free?

The photographer used her time and skill to create something you really liked.

What did you give her in return? (Cake/child-care/car-repairs/lifts...)

People who regularly give things without charge shouldn't be taken for granted.

Charging seems fair.

iamavodkadrinker · 10/02/2017 12:44

I hope she tells you all to stuff it. Grabby and entitled.

PoorYorick · 10/02/2017 12:44

She's getting great photos of MY children and I considered that in return (my children modelling for her) I would t have to pay

Oh sod off.

LoudBatPerson · 10/02/2017 12:44

*She's getting great photos of MY children and I considered that in return (my children modelling for her) I would t have to pay

That is not grabby.*

What does she get out of having pictures of your children?

Unless you are going to drip feed that she has added them into her public portfolio without your consent, however from what you have said the pictures are only available to a password area on the site so not on public view?

Haffdonga · 10/02/2017 12:44

A volunteer at the charity I work at used to bring in home made cakes. Now she runs a cake stall and charges 50p a slice.Should I still be able to eat her cake for free?

A mum at my ds's football matches used to bring a big flask of tea and share it round between others. Now they've set up a tea urn and we pay. Should that mum still share her tea with me for free?

A local teen used to ask if she could take our dog for a walk. She's a dog lover and wasn't allowed one of her own. Now she's put a card through the door selling her services as a pet sitter and dog walker for £5 an hour's walk. Should she still walk my dog for free?

Of course YABU. Just like I can choose whether or not to buy a slice of cake, a cup of tea or use the services of the teenage dog walker. You can choose or not whether to buy a scout photo from her website. Saying your ds can't be photographed because you begrudge the fee is just petty-minded.

Trifleorbust · 10/02/2017 12:44

Your children are not a commodity. If you want someone to send you their images of them, you pay them. If they are selling images of your children to others, you can withdraw permission.

cantkeepawayforever · 10/02/2017 12:44

Both my DCs perform.

At performances, a professional photographer is present to take photographs - they are DRB checked, briefed on any children who cannot be photographed for Child Protection reasons, and we all give signed consent for photographs to be taken (or not, in which case there are no photographs ever made available with that child on, as the usual reason for no permission is child protection).

The photographs are then made available via a password-protected website, and either electronic or print pictures can be purchased.

No-one is allowed to take private photographs or videos, for copyright and child protection reasons, and tbh this method does absolutely do away with the 'seeing every event through a forest of screens' issue that tends to disrupt e.g. school performances.

The photographs are great, much closer up for example than a normal audience member could achieve. Electronic copies are cheap, printed copes rather more, as you would expect.

So from my perspective, what you describe is 'normal', and the previous free distribution both slightly worrying from a child protection angle and also something that a professional might well not want to get involved in. i would not normally expect to be expected to offer my professional services - and a follow up, in terms of e-mailing copies - for nothing when I have a business in the same area.

budgiegirl · 10/02/2017 12:45

My DSs sometimes have their photos taken while playing at football tournaments. These photos are then available to online for parents to buy.
It's never occurred to me that my DSs are 'modelling' for the photographer!!
Maybe I should charge a fee !

Original poster

MintLeafTea · 10/02/2017 12:46

I have no idea where the money is going
thats not the point!

It doesn't matter anyway. I will ask for the permission to be revoked and will tell them I do NOT expect my dc to be excluded from any activities as a result.

OP posts:

GinIsIn · 10/02/2017 12:46

If your DC are restricted it would be perfectly fair because you have chosen to proceed as you are.

Chelazla · 10/02/2017 12:46

They won't be excluded but they will be asked to move out of the way for a few seconds. We have to do it at school for kids that can't have their pictures took for legitimate reasons. If you want that for your kids out of pure spite crack on!

astormgivenflesh · 10/02/2017 12:47

No offence but YOU sound super grabby, wanting them for free.

Photography isn't an easy job, it can also be fraught with insecurities over when next pay cheque is coming in if you don't have regular gigs so to speak.

Sounds like she is tired of her skilled labour being taken for granted and is charging for it, rightly so. Women are often expected to do things for free, bullshit to that. Why shouldn't she charge if she is providing a talent/skill that no one else can in this scenario?

You have already admitted that her photos are better than yours. You have already said other parents like it. She may have given some for free to test the waters for interest, maybe more and more people were taking them and she realised that the work involved was COSTING her and so she deserves to be paid.

If you don't want to pay, don't. Simple. Blackmailing her or being a cow about it only makes you look awful.

Chloe84 · 10/02/2017 12:47

She probably deletes photos that are not purchased.

She will need the hard drive space.

Agree with others that you are the entitled and grabby one.

AyeAmarok · 10/02/2017 12:47

Nah, too goady.

TheFlyingFauxPas · 10/02/2017 12:49

That's bloody disgusting against all that Scouts is about. If she were donating fee to funds then yes. But otherwise grrrrrrrr all over the world scout parents are donating their time and efforts to help out groups. Leaders also, who are often very busy peeps, work full time etc.give their time for our kids
AND THIS WOMAN IS PROFITTING FROM YOURS. BLOODY OUTRAGEOUS. I have been on school ptfas and helped at scouts on occasions, on committees etc. My son is no longer at the school but I still do it! This is like when one of the parents stiffed us £80 to djay at school disco. Bloody takes the piss.

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