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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL & SIL BOOKED THEIR WEDDING 2 MONTHS BEFORE OURS

381 replies

wingingitmomma · 08/02/2017 23:20

Aibu?? My dear sweet mil popped in tonight (which I am surprised about because my daughter was asleep and she would of known that she only usually cares if she gets to see the baby) she stayed for about an hour it was a nice visit although I was kinda pissed because I cleaned the bathroom specially and she never went to the toilet to inspect it (I know how she loves to judge me) Anyway, she so happened to SLIP into the conversation that my OH brother booked their wedding 2 days ago. Great! I love a wedding when have they booked it for then she tells me 2 months before yours! Me and OH have had our wedding booked for a while. They are having a destination wedding 2 months before our freaking wedding our wedding is costing in excess of 10 grand there's no way we can afford this and even if we could we have a young baby who I would not feel happy to take on a plane for 10 hours or leave her for nearly a week which is what they are asking. they got engaged earlier this year after me and OH they have known the date of our wedding for sometime and I feel like they are stealing our thunder and trying to overshadow our big day! Am
I being unreasonable? I feel so put out that they have done this surely they know we can't afford to make their wedding! When Mil told me I had to act really happy for them but inside I was raging!

OP posts:
watchoutformybutt · 09/02/2017 18:50

This is a bit Jezza.

Chinnygirl · 09/02/2017 18:50

YABU
So how many years should they wait then. I would understand if it was in the same week but you don't own whole months.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/02/2017 18:54

Oh dear.

WeddingsAreStressful · 09/02/2017 18:54

I was giving you the benefit of the doubt OP because I sympathize with your situation as going through something very similar but your last post is quite nasty.

PetalMettle · 09/02/2017 18:54

I'm going to go against consensus and say yanbu. If they got engaged after you they shouldn't be getting married before.
DH wouldn't even let me plan anything before his brothers wedding had been.
However as pps have said hardly anyone will go.
As an aside I think destination weddings are wank

Chinnygirl · 09/02/2017 18:55

You are getting a bit bridezilla now... billions of people are married

Justmuddlingalong · 09/02/2017 18:55

Jeez, you sound a right peach.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 18:55

It is abit isn't it watchout but I'm afraid I'm
Only going to sit here and take so much. I can 100% say if this was the other way around me and OH would not of booked our wedding so close to theirs. Lol the reception is costing them a couple of grand which they don't want to spend (I get that) they have said they now might not bother because their family will be at our wedding anyway so they can celebrate their wedding with them then.. wow! I just can't see how nobody thinks I have a right to be abit annoyed I must say this thread has cheered me up and give me such a laugh!

OP posts:
Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 18:57

Think you mean me when you say you can't believe people wouldn't be bothered. Don't know what you mean by "based on just me"...My comment wasn't about you...I meant I wouldn't be too bothered what my future husband's Sil was doing either...My wedding would be my wedding and I wouldn't base it on when anyone elses is. When you say "so my oh doesn't deserve to see his brother get married"...Well that's up to his brother isn't it? It's not about deserving to see people get married, it's about what his brother wants and what his future wife wants. They don't need to consult or consider you in whether the plans suit you or not. You are not showing yourself in a good light here. Does your Sil get on with you? I know you made a derogatory comment about her earlier in the post. Perhaps she doesn't want everyone there?

Justmuddlingalong · 09/02/2017 18:57

Yes, thanks OP your thread has been hilarious. Grin

forfucksakenet · 09/02/2017 18:58

Yanbu! Thunder stealers for definite!

kilmuir · 09/02/2017 18:58

Have a joint wedding

forfucksakenet · 09/02/2017 19:00

Yeah just read the 'can't find a bloke to take you' bit...

Not too nice Hmm

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 19:01

I wouldn't choose a destination wedding myself but I can see why some people do my point is BIL is upset he was on the phone in tears to MIL after speaking to my OH and he said we couldn't come and now we are being made to feel even worse for not going. I might not be happy about their wedding (when they have booked) but I certainly haven't told them that I even had to laugh off what sil did but I don't think we deserve to now be made to feel really guilty because we don't have the money to go they are really offended mil is furious and her family are winding up the situation more by saying that my OH dosent care about his brother... WTF

OP posts:
Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 19:07

Yes your wedding day is your special day all about you, sO IS THEIRS!!!! You don't seem to consider that? You say your daughter deserves to be part of it....No she doesn't. Think it through. If you were getting married would you think " oohh, I must make sure all of my husband s brother's family can attend"!??? No! Who would. Most brides arrange the wedding they want, when they want, just like you have done. Sounds to me like you have just ruined it all for them. Good luck in your relationship with them for the next forty years or so.becayse that is what marriage is about. ..The future.....Not just the wedding day and when it is.

RortyCrankle · 09/02/2017 19:09

Ok - this Biscuit is not a biscuit in this instance, it is in fact a chill pill. Swallow it - in fact swallow several.

Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 19:11

Brother in law is upset and on phone in tears to MIL...Well that's his fault isn't it, for agreeing with his wife to be to arrange it ten hrs away. Take a step back. Not your problem. The ball is in his court. You shouldn't feel guilty.

Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 19:13

However I do think you should review how you speak to people on here. No one has been nasty to you, but you have been rude, just rude.

rollonthesummer · 09/02/2017 19:14

How can someone make you feel guilty when you can't afford it?! Just say-'we don't have the money-it's too expensive for us to come'. They can't expect you to Magic up the money!

PetalMettle · 09/02/2017 19:15

Well actually I would think about others when arranging my wedding. We deliberately scheduled ours so family from overseas could make it. It would've been fairly obvious to op's Bil that OP and her husband wouldn't be able to afford a destination wedding two months before their own

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 19:17

lol I've taken nothing but abuse on here actually since last night a lot of the comments on here are really nasty I'm only going to take that for so long

OP posts:
PetalMettle · 09/02/2017 19:17

I do agree the comment about no one being able to get a man was rude though

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 19:20

Anyone would feel guilty everyone can say it's his fault or their fault or whatever but it doesn't stop me and oh feeling awful for BIL. MIL is on the phone to OH as we speak this should be interesting!

OP posts:
Hulababy · 09/02/2017 19:36

The cost of your wedding is your concern only. You made the choice to spend that amount, so if you are finding it difficult money wise that is also your fault/decision. Well, you and your partner's anyway.

Their wedding is two whole months apart from yours. Not close really.

If your BIL is unhappy about not enough people going then that is his decision. He and his partner choose to have a destination wedding. they must have known that this would mean people couldn't go. Don't feel guilty about not going. If he is that unhappy he could tell his partner and change plans.

Of course you can take a baby on a long haul flight. People do it every day. Unless there are other medical type issues then baby would be pretty fine. You can choose not to obviously, but it is possible

tiredofhavingtothinkofnewnames · 09/02/2017 19:37

I don't get the issue?

They are having a destination wedding. Fine that is their choice

You cant afford to go? An invitation is just that- it isn't a summons- just decline. If you want your other half to go and you can afford it then send him?

I don't see why there is any other issue? Cant see what this has to do with your wedding at all?