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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL & SIL BOOKED THEIR WEDDING 2 MONTHS BEFORE OURS

381 replies

wingingitmomma · 08/02/2017 23:20

Aibu?? My dear sweet mil popped in tonight (which I am surprised about because my daughter was asleep and she would of known that she only usually cares if she gets to see the baby) she stayed for about an hour it was a nice visit although I was kinda pissed because I cleaned the bathroom specially and she never went to the toilet to inspect it (I know how she loves to judge me) Anyway, she so happened to SLIP into the conversation that my OH brother booked their wedding 2 days ago. Great! I love a wedding when have they booked it for then she tells me 2 months before yours! Me and OH have had our wedding booked for a while. They are having a destination wedding 2 months before our freaking wedding our wedding is costing in excess of 10 grand there's no way we can afford this and even if we could we have a young baby who I would not feel happy to take on a plane for 10 hours or leave her for nearly a week which is what they are asking. they got engaged earlier this year after me and OH they have known the date of our wedding for sometime and I feel like they are stealing our thunder and trying to overshadow our big day! Am
I being unreasonable? I feel so put out that they have done this surely they know we can't afford to make their wedding! When Mil told me I had to act really happy for them but inside I was raging!

OP posts:
2rebecca · 09/02/2017 15:54

If you can't afford it then you don't go.
I think different people have different approaches to weddings. I've had 2 and each time once we decided to get married we wanted to get on with it.
If a sib had had the perfect wedding planned for a year or 2s time we wouldn't have delayed our wedding. To me the being married bit is more important than the wedding.
If we'd decided to have a wedding abroad I would have accepted it if lots of relatives and friends didn't come because it didn't suit them/ their budgets.
You get on with your wedding and leave your SIL to hers.

HappyFlappy · 09/02/2017 17:03

Wingingit

I'm on your side - they should have been more considerate.

I'm sure they are already shagging the lugs off each other physically intimate, so it can't be lust; she may be up the duff, but that's not a problem these days - it's obviously designed to steal your thunder.

Don't let them. Tell them you hope they have a wonderful, fairytale wedding no hurricanes or flying monkey poo or anything and that everyone who gets enjoys their holiday worshipping at the feet of their egos seeing their joy.

Any comments she makes - you are so busy with your own arrangements that you haven't really got the time to discuss how many bejewelled elephants will be needed any details of their but you trust that her native good taste will ensure that everything is perfect.

If she tries to show you pictures (dress, cake etc), just say "Lovely. Just what I expected of you"

She obviously likes to wind you up; he obviously is a cowardly arse. Don't give them the satisfaction of getting setup.

HappyFlappy · 09/02/2017 17:04

*het up, not setup

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 17:08

Happy! Lol love it xx

OP posts:
MargaretCavendish · 09/02/2017 17:13

I'm sure they are already shagging the lugs off each other physically intimate, so it can't be lust; she may be up the duff, but that's not a problem these days - it's obviously designed to steal your thunder.

But wanting to get married to screw, being pregnant and thunder-stealing are not the only three reasons to get married quickly! As said above, we planned our wedding in about six months. Mostly we just wanted to be married sooner; we were also scared of it becoming a huge production and looking around us that looked more likely the longer you let the planning drag on for. We knew we wanted to get married in the summer so we had to do it in either six months or eighteen, and eighteen seemed much too long to us. Yes, it did mean that we got married before some couples we knew who had begun planning their weddings first, but that wasn't part of our rationale!

Pigflewpast · 09/02/2017 17:14

"Lovely just what I expected of you" Grin brilliant

HappyFlappy · 09/02/2017 17:16

Would you have pre-empted a relative, though Margaret?

And would you have pretended to have booked the same date etc so that the people you were playing a "joke" on nearly cancelled and lost 500 quid?

I think this shows a history of rather mean behaviour.

Heirhelp · 09/02/2017 17:22

I love threads like this. Op asks am I bu? 90% of replies say yes and OP says that 90% are wrong and thanks the 10% who agree with her. Proper drama lama stuff.

MargaretCavendish · 09/02/2017 17:27

Yes and no, in that order.

WeddingsAreStressful · 09/02/2017 17:31

YANBU at all!!! I am in the exact same situation! My future BIL booked their wedding two months before ours. The family is very spread out and both weddings will involve a LOT of traveling for very many people, including me and DP. And we can't afford to take more annual leave in that period!!! We'd have to take at least 2 days of holiday and we just can't. The fallout is huge. People on here don't understand that this isn't about attention being taken away from you, it's that they've made it difficult for both you and other relatives to go to both weddings and the social fallout really is huge. People are VERY offended if you don't go to their wedding and everyone will talk about this. And there is a genuine risk that some people won't make it to both.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/02/2017 17:34

I was seriously annoyed there was a royal wedding booked near my date. I wrote a stiff letter to the queen but she didn't reply.

MargaretCavendish · 09/02/2017 17:36

I have some sympathy for the 'relatives won't be able to come twice' thing: if, for instance, half the family is in Australia I can see that they can't come twice in two months. The problem there is that they also probably can't come twice in a year, and twice in two years could still be a real stretch, so how long are the second couple supposed to wait? The best solution here would actually be to get married a week apart...

I'd also note that it makes no difference to this problem who gets married first, but the OP seems very concerned about 'thunder stealing'. I have no sympathy at all for the fear that your wedding will seem less 'special' if it's vaguely near someone else's.

heron98 · 09/02/2017 17:39

You sound like really hard work.

I genuinely don't see the problem.

Chill out.

SpongebobRoundPants · 09/02/2017 17:51

This can't be serious Grin

2rebecca · 09/02/2017 17:51

Do people really care if distant relatives in Oz don't come to their wedding? Doesn't it just make it cheaper? My second wedding was immediate family only so only about 20 of us. If some hadn't been able to make it I wouldn't have been that bothered and happy to just send them pictures. The wedding was for us not them.
Neither cost anything like 10k though.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 09/02/2017 17:57

YABVU, they can get married whenever they want.

As for overshadowing your big day, you do realise that marriage is about the vows and lifelong commitment not your big party?

barinatxe · 09/02/2017 18:02

YABU. Their wedding, they decide where and when. If they had deliberately put it a week before yours, I could understand your annoyance, but two months? Get over it. Your wedding is about you, their wedding is not.

kilmuir · 09/02/2017 18:02

You don't like your partners family do you?
What they do for their wedding is up to them.
You sound a bit spoilt

schlong · 09/02/2017 18:02

Yanbu..it's pretty obv they did it to upstage you. Perfect excuse not to go to theirs it being far away.

Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 18:16

They arranged their wedding in a far away land that takes ten hours on the plane. I really don't think they expect everyone to go. Perhaps that's why they did that, perhaps they don't want a massive wedding. If they did desperately want everyone to go, they would have arranged it local to them. As for it being two months before yours, I really don't think that matters. You don't own the whole year. Perhaps they looked into prices and that was the cheapest time and most convenient for them. They really don't need to consult with you on their wedding date. I get that you are upset you can't go, and you say the bil is also upset, but so be it. It's not the end of the world. Buy them a nice present and wish them all the best. Making a big fuss about it will not go down well with his family.

Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 18:20

Upstage them? I personally don't think they have even considered them. The OP has said the future Sil isn't bothered about their family. I don't think I would be either. I would set a date for my wedding when I want to, as I'm pretty sure everyone velse would too.

Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 18:23

Weddingsarestressful.....But the bil and future Sil can't be very offended if the wedding is the other side of the world. That takes their right to be offended away.

wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 18:41

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kilmuir · 09/02/2017 18:46

You sound a delight.
Probably hoping only the brother will go!!!

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 18:48

Probably shame he isn't thought isn't it haha

OP posts: