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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL & SIL BOOKED THEIR WEDDING 2 MONTHS BEFORE OURS

381 replies

wingingitmomma · 08/02/2017 23:20

Aibu?? My dear sweet mil popped in tonight (which I am surprised about because my daughter was asleep and she would of known that she only usually cares if she gets to see the baby) she stayed for about an hour it was a nice visit although I was kinda pissed because I cleaned the bathroom specially and she never went to the toilet to inspect it (I know how she loves to judge me) Anyway, she so happened to SLIP into the conversation that my OH brother booked their wedding 2 days ago. Great! I love a wedding when have they booked it for then she tells me 2 months before yours! Me and OH have had our wedding booked for a while. They are having a destination wedding 2 months before our freaking wedding our wedding is costing in excess of 10 grand there's no way we can afford this and even if we could we have a young baby who I would not feel happy to take on a plane for 10 hours or leave her for nearly a week which is what they are asking. they got engaged earlier this year after me and OH they have known the date of our wedding for sometime and I feel like they are stealing our thunder and trying to overshadow our big day! Am
I being unreasonable? I feel so put out that they have done this surely they know we can't afford to make their wedding! When Mil told me I had to act really happy for them but inside I was raging!

OP posts:
tiredofhavingtothinkofnewnames · 09/02/2017 19:39

To add. Babies on planes are free and very manageable. .Mine flew around the world from about 4 weeks. Your baby is not an issue. Toddlers (age 2 plus are not free to fly and a bit of a pain to manage but you have 2 adults to 1 baby so very easy on a plane)

tiredofhavingtothinkofnewnames · 09/02/2017 19:43

Why don't you offer them the chance to share your reception in the Uk fr their guests who cant travel abroad ? Wont cost you any more and that would be lovely? They could maybe pay for any additional guests that they might have?

mathsquestions · 09/02/2017 19:43

.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 19:45

Ummmmmm no! I'm not doing that!

OP posts:
sonjadog · 09/02/2017 19:45

Was he really in tears? It seems an odd thing for a grown man to cry down the phone to his mother about. He might be a bit sad about it, but to actually weep makes him sound like no man I´ve ever met...

annielouise · 09/02/2017 19:45

I think it will blow over. At the end of the day it's not the end of the world if your OH isn't there for his brother's wedding. His brother should have checked if you could make it but it's understandable you can't so I wouldn't worry about it. You've said you can't go and why and that's that. Nothing to be gained from them going on about it. If anyone does just nip it in the bud.

Let them have their wedding. Show interest in the photos and then enjoy yours. After the weddings that will be that. Whatever their motives it's nothing to affect your day. Even if money wasn't an option I'm not sure I'd still want to go to a destination wedding - you're forced to spend a lot of money basically on somewhere that might not be your choice to spend time with people you might not want to spend more than a few hours with.

TweedAddict · 09/02/2017 19:47

Get your invites out first

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 19:49

He's pretty sensitive he cries a lot total opposite to OH. If money was no object we would go I'm not keen on the destination but that wouldn't stop me

OP posts:
RainbowsAndUnicorn · 09/02/2017 19:51

I think they are making the right decision getting married without you. Despite what you think the whole universe doesn't centre around you.

As for the perfect wedding and only getting married once, given the divorce statistics and the way you speak about his family I'd not bank on those odds.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/02/2017 19:53

I being unreasonable?

Yes you are

HTH

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/02/2017 19:57

Actually with the attitude and rudeness of your last few posts, I wouldn't want you at the wedding if I was them.

You'd spend the whole time saying what about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

SparklesandBangs · 09/02/2017 19:58

Just my two pennyworth - I've been married for years decades and still remember how pissed off I was when DSis announced something to the family about 3 months before my big day. (Not her wedding date) because it took away some of the limelight from my event. If she had announced she was getting married I would not have been happy at all (understatement) , if it had been a destination wedding I wouldn't have been able to go, not just because of the expense but also as I wouldn't have had the annual leave.

I may not have been rational but after 8 years I was finally getting DH up the aisle and I was going to be princess for a day.

OP you sound much more level headed.

HappyFlappy · 09/02/2017 19:59

I bet half of you woman have never been married (probably can't find a bloke to take you!)

That is uncalled for Wingingit - I'd really sympathised with you up to that point, but I think that's unkind and inappropriate.

Fluffy24 · 09/02/2017 19:59

Will their pit bull terrier ' Nanny' be left in charge of all the children under 3 by any chance?

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 20:04

update so MIL just got off the phone she screamed at OH told him how disappointed she is that we won't go to BIL wedding.. yep great thanks love. She asked to
Speak to me I tried to explain again for the 10th time about money and she's now said that my dad should pay for us to go because he isn't paying for our wedding? We are talking about a man who is the sole carer for my disabled brother and was widowed in the last few years and since paying for the funeral barely has enough money to keep his car running (which he needs to take my brother to hospital/doctor appointments) apparently he should pay for it and he's an embarrassment if he doesn't because he hasn't gotten us a real wedding present or paid for our wedding. We don't want presents or money off of anyone our family isn't the sort to be able to afford all that but I'd like to point out here that neither has she plus attending their wedding isn't exactly a wedding present for us. I can't believe she has said that I'm genuinely gob smacked she said that. I didn't even know what to say back to her i just handed the phone back but let me guess the woman on here still think that's perfectly acceptable because let's be fair it wouldn't matter if we sold all our possessions or cancelled our own wedding so we could afford to go I'd still be the shitty person in this scenario. I'm sorry but to call my dad an embarrassment I think is really cruel whatever she wants to say to me or about me is fine but my dad's been nothing but nicw to her and constantly helps her out with errands and diy and rightfully so but never charged her and now she's saying that. Sooo what the hell do we do now? I'd love to know seeing as most people on here have all the answers and are so perfect.

OP posts:
brusselssprouts · 09/02/2017 20:06

YANBU - I would be a bit upset too.

However definitely not the end of the world and you have several brilliant excuses not to go to their wedding.

RuggerHug · 09/02/2017 20:07

Based on charming response when you didn't like what people said here I'd say SIL is having it as far away from you as she can, knowing you won't travel. HTH.

brusselssprouts · 09/02/2017 20:09

Sorry, x-posted with your latest winging

"I'm sorry we can't be there. We're keeping our money for our own wedding and I don't want to take the baby on the plane. My father is not responsible for meeting any of our expenses. We are adults and we make our own decisions."

Rinse and repeat. Do not be goaded.

Justmuddlingalong · 09/02/2017 20:10

ODFOD

2rebecca · 09/02/2017 20:10

How does she know your dad isn't paying towards your wedding? It sounds as though she knows too much of your family's business.
I would have just told her she was being nasty now and so you're putting the phone down and if her son was bothered about his brother attending his wedding he'd have discussed the date and venue with him before booking anything and not booked an exotic holiday wedding.

Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 20:11

She sounds as mad as a box of frog's. She has no right to insult your father. I defo wouldn't be going now. If she is ordering your oh to go, she should pay for it. You are still being rude by the way..."as most people on here have the answers and are so perfect"!!! When you post on mumsnet, you can expect to receive a raft of different opinions, not just the ones you want.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 20:11

I'm sorry happy but that's how I honestly feel that some people on here use it to run others down because their really miserable with their own lives or their bitter and jealous about something most of the comments have been about my wedding and how much it's cost which isn't th point in this but I wanted to give the whole picture so before anyone jumps in and tells me I'm right or wrong they have the information to go on but it's seems as though it doesn't matter what I do from this point I'm the worst person ever and how dare I want my wedding to be special and how dare I want
My oh and me to see my BIL get married yes... i must be the single most selfish person ever! Obviously there are exceptions to this and to those people I apologise but you must understand you can only put up with so much abuse before finally you say enough and give abit back.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/02/2017 20:12

I think you as bad as each other tbh.

Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 20:14

PS..Think you all need a cooling off period. Sounds to me your bil often goes crying to Mummy to get what he wants.

Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 20:15

And why should your Father pay for her son!!!