Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL & SIL BOOKED THEIR WEDDING 2 MONTHS BEFORE OURS

381 replies

wingingitmomma · 08/02/2017 23:20

Aibu?? My dear sweet mil popped in tonight (which I am surprised about because my daughter was asleep and she would of known that she only usually cares if she gets to see the baby) she stayed for about an hour it was a nice visit although I was kinda pissed because I cleaned the bathroom specially and she never went to the toilet to inspect it (I know how she loves to judge me) Anyway, she so happened to SLIP into the conversation that my OH brother booked their wedding 2 days ago. Great! I love a wedding when have they booked it for then she tells me 2 months before yours! Me and OH have had our wedding booked for a while. They are having a destination wedding 2 months before our freaking wedding our wedding is costing in excess of 10 grand there's no way we can afford this and even if we could we have a young baby who I would not feel happy to take on a plane for 10 hours or leave her for nearly a week which is what they are asking. they got engaged earlier this year after me and OH they have known the date of our wedding for sometime and I feel like they are stealing our thunder and trying to overshadow our big day! Am
I being unreasonable? I feel so put out that they have done this surely they know we can't afford to make their wedding! When Mil told me I had to act really happy for them but inside I was raging!

OP posts:
Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 21:08

You need to stand your ground here. If you let your mil bully you now, into doing things you can't do, she will do it for everyone more.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 21:08

I'm not getting involved with them 2 it will just make it worse. I can hear him defending me so I expect she's something about this being my fault I have told oh if we could extend our loan or he can save beteeen now and then he could go with his mum and I would be totally fine with that so I really hope that's not what she is saying I've heard my dad mentioned also. I'm so fed up with it all now.

OP posts:
Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 21:13

She's never usually like this but this has got her unhinged I mean I know we are all upset here but she's acting like she hates us now.

OP posts:
teresa2003 · 09/02/2017 21:17

their reception is costing them a couple of grand which they don't want to spend (l get that) they have said they might now not bother as their family will be at our wedding
anyway so they can celebrate their
wedding with them there wow

So this has all unfolded in last few hours via mil over the phone? These derogotary tales about your sil and mil are getting more unbelievable by the minute as though to get us on your side.

Justmuddlingalong · 09/02/2017 21:18

Drip, drip, drip...

tiredvommachine · 09/02/2017 21:21

What the fuck have I just read? Confused

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 21:23

Not at all I don't mind who is or isn't on my side they have priced up a reception in their home town and for the venue alone it's in excess of 2 grand for meals I haven't spoken to sil myself this is what my mil told my OH. BIL told OH he wants the reception i can only go on what MIL and OH have told me

OP posts:
Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 21:28

The reception thing started this morning when MIL asked us if we would attend a reception in their home town and we answered yes. Within half an hour she told OH that might not be a problem because SIL doesn't know if she wants one. The rest has been their chats they have had throughout the day I came home to all this earlier and the phone has gone mental since. Believe me if I could film it and stick it on here then I would!

OP posts:
Astro55 · 09/02/2017 21:29

but you need to accept what they want is fine too.

No! MIL needs to accept that OP and her DH can't go.

FEIW OP I think they have a cheek thinking they can jump in on your reception - SIL family won't be there though will they?

If they realalise the party will be £2000 I assume they know the cost of yours?

Please update when DH2B is off the phone

moongirl123 · 09/02/2017 21:29

I think you have got your priories out of balance. You are not trying to create something perfect, you are celebrating meeting someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Try to see the bigger picture.

^THIS. And let's be honest, most people are not that keen on attending other people's weddings especially bridezilla's one.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 21:30

Ps I don't know what venue they have chosen I thought this was steep for a reception but I assumed it would just be a nice disco and perhaps a posh buffet I didn't know they were looking into
Actual meals or anything like that.

OP posts:
Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 21:33

Astro55...You have misunderstood my post. When I out she needs to understand vwhat they want is fine too, I was referring to bil and sil's wedding, ie the date and venue etc...not anything to do with them having to go or what the mil has said

Astro55 · 09/02/2017 21:36

I think we've moved on massively from the date!

We now have MIL ranting BIL crying SIL wanting to join in the reception OPs dad being a disgrace for not paying for the wedding or flights so they attend destination wedding...

OP - you may want to rethink the family you're marring into!

Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 21:40

Astro55..Her initial post was about being upset about them arranging it two months before hers. She was clearly upset about this. My comment was to say she needs to accept that they can also have the wedding they want. You misunderstood what I meant.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 21:42

MIL is off the phone now I didn't speak to her again. She's still mad I don't know what we can do to change that right now but she told OH not to bother coming to BILs wedding (not her place to uninvite anyone) she also didn't see what the problem was with them celebrating their wedding at our reception (yeah we can't stop them) OH told her that it would be better if they did something themselves but again that's not her call that's up to SIL and BIL. MIL has just said if they decide not to then she will be celebrating their wedding aswell as ours at our reception (whatever, I can't stop them but I think it's ridiculous seeing as she is actually going to their wedding so would of already had the chance of celebrating it) most of this reception nonsense has come from Mil I haven't heard it direct from my SIL so I'm starting to wonder if it's mostly being said out of spite there's no way of asking my SIL without suggesting there's a massive problem which yea I'm not happy but nothing i can actually do about it.

OP posts:
Astro55 · 09/02/2017 21:42

No I didn't - just suggesting the original post is now the least worrying part of the issue.

The issue has now imploded -

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 21:44

I'm marrying OH not the family THANK GOD! Oh my dads still an embarrassment!

OP posts:
winewolfhowls · 09/02/2017 21:45

Ynbu regarding some issues, like them sharing your reception. Who would even ever think that was fair, everyone wants to have a wedding individual to them, big or small, expensive or quirky.

Yarebu about some issues. Maybe pick your battles.

Although you are coming across as rather rude, it's rude but also patronising to comment on the op's grammar.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 21:50

This isn't even about my BIL and sil anymore this is a serious MIL problem.

OP posts:
bridetobe17 · 09/02/2017 21:52

Op I'm getting married this year too and I'd be pissed if one of our immediate family members did that. hedda is 10,000 excessive? Our wedding is costing €20,000

Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 21:53

"I'm marrying oh, not the family".... Ha ha...You keep believing that ......they will always be there....His mil has just been on the phone all night harrassing him, he's tied to it.....His family ain't going away.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/02/2017 21:54

How dramatic....

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 21:55

Okay, I want to change my org question please. If you're still reading out everything else aside about what's gone on and tell me AIBU to uninvited my MIL to my wedding because she called my brother a spastic?

Now I am furious she told OH if my dad didn't waste his life caring for THAT SPASTIC he would be able to afford to pay for the wedding leaving us to be able to pay to go to bils?!

Wtf!! I'm genuinely between furious and devastated she said that It's not a term I've heard in a very long time I don't want to see or speak to her.

Apparently spastic isn't a bad word to say?! Yeh f*ing right!

OP posts:
Groovee · 09/02/2017 21:57

My brother decided to get married 5 weeks before us with only 5 weeks notice. A lot of family grumbled.

On my wedding day he nastily said I was a spoiled brat and Dh would leave me by Christmas.

Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 21:59

I would cut her off entirely for saying that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread