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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL & SIL BOOKED THEIR WEDDING 2 MONTHS BEFORE OURS

381 replies

wingingitmomma · 08/02/2017 23:20

Aibu?? My dear sweet mil popped in tonight (which I am surprised about because my daughter was asleep and she would of known that she only usually cares if she gets to see the baby) she stayed for about an hour it was a nice visit although I was kinda pissed because I cleaned the bathroom specially and she never went to the toilet to inspect it (I know how she loves to judge me) Anyway, she so happened to SLIP into the conversation that my OH brother booked their wedding 2 days ago. Great! I love a wedding when have they booked it for then she tells me 2 months before yours! Me and OH have had our wedding booked for a while. They are having a destination wedding 2 months before our freaking wedding our wedding is costing in excess of 10 grand there's no way we can afford this and even if we could we have a young baby who I would not feel happy to take on a plane for 10 hours or leave her for nearly a week which is what they are asking. they got engaged earlier this year after me and OH they have known the date of our wedding for sometime and I feel like they are stealing our thunder and trying to overshadow our big day! Am
I being unreasonable? I feel so put out that they have done this surely they know we can't afford to make their wedding! When Mil told me I had to act really happy for them but inside I was raging!

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/02/2017 20:16

Your last post does you know favours.

You know nothing about others posters lives.

Some of your own posts have been disgusting.

I agree with pp. This would do well on Jeremy Kyle.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 20:16

Mumzy most of the posts on here have been nasty! Don't think it's rude to say most people on here seem to think they have all the answers.

There was no point trying to say anything to her she was just screaming and shouting over me I didn't get a chance to say anything past we just don't have that kind of money.

She knows that OH and i are paying that's not a secret and I'm not embarrassed and my dad has no reason so be embarrassed the last few years have been unfortunate for him and he does struggle but makes it work he has a lot to be proud of himself for i saw no issue with being honest that my dad wasn't paying.

OP posts:
Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 20:19

She thinks he should because if he had done his duty as a dad he would pay for our entire wedding which would cost a lot more then paying for our flights and accommodation. Yes I agree we defiantly do need a cooling off she's been texting me since getting off the phone but I haven't looked at them I really don't want to hear anymore stuff said about my dad.

OP posts:
MagicMoments22 · 09/02/2017 20:22

Tensions can get high over weddings but think of it this way. You have a whole two months for everyone to focus on your wedding and soon theirs will be a distant memory.

I got married way after most of my family and used their experiences as troubleshooting as to what issues could arise. I.e. Like what to do if the grooms ENTIRE family doesn't turn up (get proper rsvps and bump evening guests up)

Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 20:23

The tradition of the bride's family paying for a wedding died a long time ago. It's a bit old fashioned to be honest. Just ignore the texts and turn the phone off. Back off from it. Her and her son are being unreasonable.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 20:24

That's a good point magic.. I know people are right when they say there will be over etc. I don't want the weddings to be competition I don't see how they could be like so many have pointed out they are totally different

OP posts:
Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 20:28

And generally people do think they have answers, they are trying to help. I've read some of the posts about the cost of your wedding, I really don't think anyone was criticising that. What I've picked up is most people think what you want for your own wedding is fine, but you need to accept what they want is fine too. It was unreasonable for you to get upset with them because theirs was before yours. It is also unreasonable for them to expect you to attend when it's so far away. It is also unreasonable that he went crying on phone to his mil, and also that she then had a go at your oh and you.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 20:29

I thought that aswell nearly all the couples I know who have married in the last few years I'm only mid 20s so my friends getting married is quite new have all paid for their own weddings yeh their parents might of chipped in with the dress or photographer but on the whole they have paid the bulk themselves I didn't realise it was an issue at all until tonight

OP posts:
limon · 09/02/2017 20:30

Yab ridiculous

WannaBe · 09/02/2017 20:30

Are you the same poster who lost a friend recently because she wouldn't come into town with seven kids? Only your posting style is remarkably similar, including the JK style of vitriol directed at anyone who disagreed.

Stripyhoglets · 09/02/2017 20:33

Yanbu - sounds like she's deliberately tried to steal your thunder with this with the history of pretending they had the same date. Now saying they will celebrate at your wedding! Cheeky sods. And mil is just plain nasty to have said what she did.

Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 20:33

It's not an issue...Your mil is just mad and is looking for nastiness to throw around. Good luck to you with her as a mil.

HighwayDragon1 · 09/02/2017 20:33

OP - aibu?

Everyone else - yes

OP WAAAHHHH NO I'M NOT FOOT STAMP

Why ask in the first place?

WannaBe · 09/02/2017 20:38

My cousin booked his wedding two weeks before mine. Never occurred to me to complain. Not only that, he then went and booked his honeymoon to the same destination as ours. In fact he came to say goodbye to us just before he left after we'd arrived. Grin.

She left him eleven weeks later....

chillx · 09/02/2017 20:39

Anyone who books their wedding abroad surely doesn't care who attends it. Unless they are offering to pay their guests expenses. It's their choice so they have their priorities exactly how they want them.

We married 200 miles away from both sets of family and organised our parents accommodation etc. I invited other family members but made it clear that I understand completely if they can't make it as it's out their way and would cost them a day off work and nights hotel. Luckily most people came and I was really grateful but it wouldn't of ruined our day if they hadn't of come. It was what we chose.

If your BIL/SIL really wants you there they need to help you out financially. I'm sure you wouldn't expect them to fork out so much to attend your wedding. It's unrealistic and unreasonable. You enjoy your day, let them get on with theirs, you've made your position clear so I think it's up to them to help you out if they want you there.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 20:43

Wannabe what are on about?

My mil isn't relenting tonight... she's back on the phone to OH I've buggered off into the kitchen. I can still here OH side of the convo and it's not sounding good at all.

OP posts:
teresa2003 · 09/02/2017 20:48

So when did they decide not to have a do after all and use yours to celebrate with people who couldn't attend theirs? All in the space of last few hours?

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 20:51

They haven't decided it it's been a suggestion made by sil she doesn't see the point of putting on a do for the family when in a short space of time everyone will be getting together anyway BIL wants his own wedding reception though I don't know if they can afford it or not so I'm not sure if money has any part to play in sil not wanting to do a reception.

OP posts:
PurpleNurple69 · 09/02/2017 20:53

I thought I'd be able to keep my mouth but I just can't. "Have" its "have" not "of"!

. and that is a full stop. It goes at the end of a sentence.

As you were Smile

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 20:56

I apologise for the poor spelling/grammar in using my phone and the touch screen isn't great sometimes trying to put any punctuation or go back to make corrections just isn't worth it lol.

OP posts:
FutureMrsRanj · 09/02/2017 20:57

If they need you there they need to pay, they can't dictate how you spend your money

tiredofhavingtothinkofnewnames · 09/02/2017 21:00

Can you just list simply what your issue is?

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 21:01

Are you kidding?

OP posts:
Mumzypopz · 09/02/2017 21:02

Your mil is mad and a bully, write him a note telling him to politely say he has to go, and end the conversation with his mil, and shove it under his nose.

Cherrysoup · 09/02/2017 21:08

Yanbu to be upset you can't afford to go. Your mil is bu: where does she think your dad can magic the money from?

We booked our wedding, bil promptly booked his for two weeks before. It did piss me off, the last thing I wanted was to be picking them up from the airport the day before my wedding! There just wasn't time.

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