being called mum by nurses in hospital

[thecatsarecrazy]

I know its only a small thing and its probably because I've been here to long but the nurses calling me "mum" I'm not your mum, would it be so hard to learn my name? Has this annoyed anyone else?

Sorry mel but that is a massive cop out.

'Are you Johnny' s mum? I am XXXX what would you like me to call you?' takes a second.
Note on notes 'Mum = Carol'. There for everyone to see.
Name on whiteboard next to child's name.

No one is going to mind if they get called 'carol' by mistake if they are auntie joan sitting by the bed. I would expect anyone to check who the adult was first anyway. That is normal, you don't start giving information to any random sat by the child.

Had it at 12 weeks pregnant. "And how's mum today?" What, yours? Mine? Oh, me, fine thank you. You kind of hand in your name at birth anyway, school office does the same. "Thanks for letting us know, mum."

Hi thecatsarecrazy I have walked in your shoes. DD had breathing difficulties when she was tiny, and they managed to get to the bottom of it when she had an endoscopy.

There can be loads of reasons why tiny babies have breathing problems, and I think you need to insist that someone from ENT sees him. Feel free to PM me if you have any more questions.

I would also advise that you ask MN to remove your gorgeous son's name from your post.

It's bloody irritating and patronising and I can't stand it.

Don't call me Mum. If you're too busy to take ten seconds to ask my name, then don't call me anything. If you're that busy, you don't need to call me anything anyway. If you're not so busy that you need to call me mum, then you're not too busy to check what I want to be called.

It's really basic courtesy and very stressed, busy people in other places manage it.

And tbh most of the time, it's not in stressed situations, it's pre-planned appointments. It's not a&e, intensive care etc., it's bog standard clinic appointments. Those aren't frantic, emergency situations. Even the fucking orthodontist calls me mum. He's not stressed. He is a patronising git though.

OP I hope your baby gets well soon.

Yes. It annoyed me too OP. Mainly because I found it bloody patronising BUT you're one parent of 30+ quite poorly young patients. "Mum" just makes it easier for a nurse to not end up calling Barbara on Bay 4 Sally, who's actually on Bay 1 for example.

Could be worse OP. I went to see my Dad yesterday and his Nurse thought I was his wife. He thought it was hilarious because he was obviously looking more 'youthful'. Suppose I must have REALLY looked exhausted when my friend told me so earlier that day - the stress had literally aged me

Hope your little one is better soon

Cats, if you need a hand to hold we are here for you.

Maybe they do it so children don't hear you referred to by your actual name????

I appreciated being called mum when my children were in the hospital. I made me feel recognised. 'Yes, I'm their mother. I know them best'. If they'd have called me shoes, I don't think I would have felt this validation.

Just wanted to say Tristan is beautiful & I hope he has a quick recovery so you both can get home to your family.

((Hugs))

I loved it and still do, it made me feel like a mum every time they said it, even when I couldn't hold or do anything with my baby. Even now I go for checks up and I get called mum, might just be me but, it makes me feel or warm and fuzzy inside when they do.

cats he is beautiful. His colour looks a bit off, have they checked his circulation?

Maybe they do it so children don't hear you referred to by your actual name????

Why? My kids hear me referred to by my name all the time. It's not a secret from them that only they call me Mummy.

That's the other thing - even my kids don't call me 'Mum'.

YANBU and I hope your LO is better soon

DS was in SCBU from October to May. I was there almost day and night and the nurses still called me Mom.

When my niece is at the hospital, the nurses could call me Dad or spongebob squarepants and I would not care. I would prefer they use all their focus on the children rather than ask for a name they are going to forget quickly because they literally have a millions of things to think about or do. Giving headspace for the parents or relatives names is really really not the priority.

oh Cats he is so beautiful and Tristan is one of my favourite names.

When DD was in hospital at 2wks with bronchiolitis, not feeding and very low oxygen I didn't mind being called Mum. More because i saw so many people i assumed they just couldn't remember. But when i take DS1 to see the same paediatrician for the last 3 years and he directs his questions to me as 'Muuuummmmmmeeeeeeeeee' i get really annoyed.

There just isn't the time in the nurse's day to repeatedly check the admission part of the notes for parents' names...it isn't personal OP. Some nurses will be very good with names but it might be all others can do to remember the names of the children on the ward.

Doesn't half piss me off when DD's nursery staff call me mum though. DD has been going for more than 18 months and it's a very small nursery so I do get the frustration. I just think the context really changes how acceptable it is.

It'd be nice if all trusts had the whiteboards at the bedside...the kind that include guardian names.

On the other hand, I know you must be feeling incredibly stressed and afraid, so I imagine you could use something to ground you, like your name and the feeling that people recognize you.
All the best wishes for your little one OP

I got called 'Gran' at an event a children's centre recently... I am the mum.....!!!!

All the best to you and you LO
I do the Mum/Dad thing all the time - partly because I am terrified of not correctly remembering the first names of some parents I know quite well, and partly because I am usually with the parent and the young person, so its kind of smoother to say 'ok so we agree Mum will do xyz', than to talk about her as though she is not there by saying 'your Mum will do xyz' or to say 'so, we agreed Lucy will do xyz' which kind of ignores the young person in the room. But, I will note that you and so many others hate it, and maybe change my ways...

Your boy is gorgeous. I hope you get your answers quickly and can go home. I spent a week in hospital with 3 week old DD. She was very ill and got good care. But for me it was the loneliest, coldest, most hungry I've ever been. Miserable. And no one used my name. Most of the nurses gave me their names at least. Very few of the doctors introduced themselves. At the most basic level, if it's not an emergency, then it's bloody rude.
But I do remember the lovely nurse Miriam. She was super kind and calm. Good luck. Best wishes to you and little one.

He's absolutely beautiful I hope he feels better soon. When people do that to me I must admit I look around for my mum! Big hugs op ... it's the permanently offended who look bad not you.

I like it. I see lots of (adult) patients in a day and only use their names as I call them in. Why would a HCP remember my name or assume my surname was the same as my DCs'?

Gives me the warm and fuzzies when they refer to me as mum. It took a long time to be one.

Your name just isn't important. No one there cares. They're busy trying to work on your child

That these two need to be mutually exclusive necessarily is I suppose what the sad state of our public services is thanks to years and years of cuts.

And yet this is exactly how it is. At my most vulnerable, exposed, scared, sore moment of my life - my name didn't matter. And I wasn't supposed to care that it didn't matter, they were looking after my child who to be fair wasn't needing any looking after at all after he popped out of me.

I hope your little one gets well soon..

I will add it is more complicated these days. Separated parents. children who don't have the same surname as child, married couples don;t always have same surname etc..So probably easier.

Been in hospital is a lonley place.