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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

being called mum by nurses in hospital

375 replies

thecatsarecrazy · 08/02/2017 20:06

I know its only a small thing and its probably because I've been here to long but the nurses calling me "mum" I'm not your mum, would it be so hard to learn my name? Has this annoyed anyone else?

OP posts:

hellomarshmallow · 08/02/2017 23:09

Tristan is a beaut! I hope he's all better soon so you can both go home.

Of course YANBU

hellomarshmallow · 08/02/2017 23:11

I think if they call you mum, you can call them sweetheart/darling/pet/flower. It's only fair!

SloanyAnne · 08/02/2017 23:13

Gorgeous baby OP. What a lovely face/expression in that pic. I hope he's well and out of there soon.

I'd like to be called Mum in that situation tbh because I'd only be there in relation to my child and not on my own account.

At other times, people can call me Mrs Anne unless I've known them for 5 years or more or unless they have my express permission, preferably in writing, to use my first name.

JassyRadlett · 08/02/2017 23:19

I always feel really uncomfortable calling parents at work by their first names because I don't know them. I occasionally will call a long term patient or a frequent flyer's mum by their first name. But mum is much easier!

'First names are too informal - so I'll just call you Mum.'

ErrolTheDragon · 08/02/2017 23:37

Its a pity that everywhere doesn't have whiteboards with the patient's, and in the case of kids, parents' or guardians' preferred name. I was pleased when I saw this for the first time in FILs geriatric ward - making easy the simple courtesy of still being Bob, Robert or Mr Smith. When it came to
MIL, different hospital, no board - she'd always been called by her second name but for some reason this just wasn't doable. Fortunately for some reason she was compos mentis and seemed to quite enjoy a change of persona!

Thecatsarecrazy - best wishes to you and Tristan, and the rest of your family at this hard time.

(Jellybean - was it Riven you were referring to? She taught many of us so much, one way or another.)

ErrolTheDragon · 08/02/2017 23:39

Fortunately for some reason she was compos mentis and seemed to quite enjoy a change of persona! ....i got the 'for some reason' in totally the wrong place there!

PeachyImpeachment · 09/02/2017 03:47

Really sorry, OP. Didn't RTFT. I hope baby Christian is better soon. He is gorgeous b and definitely worth remembering a name for.

TheMaddHugger · 09/02/2017 04:37

Oh OP [cuppa]
Madd Soft (((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))

123MothergotafleA · 09/02/2017 05:16

Hmmm Mumsypopz, Doctors don't seem to do it, oh really?
So nurses are rude and Doctors aren't, right ho then. Not a
Sweeping statement or anything!
Doctors will avoid using Any term because they know they will be damned if they do and damned if they don't.
Nurses are in constant contact with families and use the term Mum because that's what you are, a Mum.

Jaagojaago · 09/02/2017 06:11

Really sorry, OP. Didn't RTFT. I hope baby Christian is better soon. He is gorgeous b and definitely worth remembering a name for.

And yet the baby's name is not Christian.

vjg13 · 09/02/2017 07:29

Interesting how some posters seem to think it is a choice of either medical staff using your name or providing appropriate care.

IMHO teachers and TAs also do this and I also dislike it in an educational setting as much as a medical one. Hopefully after reading the thread others may think twice too. My vet/dentist can seem to manage to use my name during a consultation, thank goodness!

stairway · 09/02/2017 07:30

He is gorgeous op. I must admit I was a bit annoyed when a health visitor did it. In a hospital ward though, nursed are so busy and have too much to remember. I would forgive them. Also do you refer to the staff by their name or as a nurse or doctor?

MooseyMouse · 09/02/2017 07:33

I absolutely hate it too. It's so patronising.

Hope your baby is better soon.

JassyRadlett · 09/02/2017 07:37

Nurses are in constant contact with families and use the term Mum because that's what you are, a Mum.

Are you serious? Im not the nurse's Mum. How fucking patronising and reductive.

But if it helps nurses put people in their place and establish the pecking order - well, we wouldn't want to get in the way of that.

DurhamDurham · 09/02/2017 07:42

What a beautiful little boy, I hope you're both home very soon

stairway · 09/02/2017 07:45

Jassyradlett, when you meet health professionals do you always call them by their name, or do you refer to them as Dr or nurse?

JassyRadlett · 09/02/2017 07:49

Their names. Never, ever 'Doctor' or 'Nurse'. That sounds incredibly weird to me.

I generally ask nurses what they'd like me to call them, if I need to use their name.

Some nurses seem to use it as punctuation, when there is no need to use a name at all.

maddiemookins16mum · 09/02/2017 07:50

What a lovely name. Take care OP, yab a little u, but I'll let you off because I can't imagine how stressed you must be right now. Get well soon little Tristan.

stairway · 09/02/2017 07:51

In a hospital, you do get called nurse a lot, even when you told them your name and wear a name badge. Not that it bothers me, but its part of the culture.

pishedoff · 09/02/2017 07:53

Ah Tristan 😍

Wishing you lots of luck and hope you get home soon x

AwaywiththePixies27 · 09/02/2017 07:57

Also do you refer to the staff by their name or as a nurse or doctor?

I refer to them and address them as Nurse / Doctor. I think they've more than earnt their title and just think it's more respectful to do so.
The late Kate Granger who started the #hellomynameis campaign did an excellent job in raising awareness from the patients / family of patients side.

Oddly enough the teacher / TA calling me Mum I'm not to comfortable with but again, 200+ kids. I struggle to remember what I had for tea last night never mind over 200 peoples first names DCs head teacher is on the gates each morning. Both DCs get a 'good morning Miss & Master Pixies'. I get a 'good morning mum'. I just find it nice I get a hello after the hell we went through in the last school.

the one thing that does irrationally nark me though is when a bank clerk calls me by my first name without asking if it's okay first.

How is DS doing this morning OP?

JassyRadlett · 09/02/2017 08:11

Don't get me wrong, I call eg the doctor Dr Lastname. Not just 'Doctor', because that sounds very 1960s and deferential to me, and I don't think a deferential relationship is beneficial.

stairway · 09/02/2017 08:18

Tbh I chose not the go into peadeatric nursing because I couldn't handle children being sick and dieing. Some else said they couldn't handle dealing with the parents. Fair play to all the peadeatric nurses out there, because I think my colleague was right. The hardest part if peadeatric nursing must be dealing with the parents.

BusterGonad · 09/02/2017 08:23

Good luck with your gorgeous son Op, my boy was in hospital for months after he was born so I feel your pain. Why don't you ask the doctors and nurses to call you Milady? It's got a nice ring to it wouldn't you say? 😂

PerpetualStudent · 09/02/2017 08:23

You kind of hand in your name at birth anyway

Speak for yourself on that one. Last time I checked shunting a child through my cervix didn't erase my identity.

Hope Tristran gets better soon

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