being called mum by nurses in hospital

[thecatsarecrazy]

I know its only a small thing and its probably because I've been here to long but the nurses calling me "mum" I'm not your mum, would it be so hard to learn my name? Has this annoyed anyone else?

They do it because they want to appear friendly, but yes, it is annoying!

In the grand scheme of things it really isn't a big deal. My parents always referred to each other as Mum and Dad when we were around even when we were in our 30's! My husband and I refer to each other as Mummy and Daddy, Nanny as Nanny, Uncle as Uncle Disney etc it all seems perfectly normal to me. So when a lot of people shop staff, waitresses, doctors etc do the same I really don't think anything of it.

As a hcp I find it a bit irritating when I clearly display my name badge introduce myself by my name, ask patients how they would like to be addressed and yet they still call you nurse rather than use my name. So it does go both ways.

i think the only time this is acceptable is if your dc is an inpatient. Not in the surgery or at an outpatients clinic or by a hv or anywhere else basically but it seems to be accepted practice unfortunately.

Don't get me started on calling your husband Daddy!

And I would imagine the overworked, underpaid nurses and medical staff cannot POSSIBLY remember everyone's name(s.)

That's fine, but it still doesn't justify the automatic use of "Mum". After all, when dealing with adults they don't address their relatives as "wife", "daughter", "son", etc, do they?

I have been working as a nurse for more than 20 years with adults rather than children and it would annoy me. I don't call a patients next of kin husband or daughter. I agree it is difficult to remember everybodies name but you can still show more respect and behave like a professional . Sorry if that sounds harsh but I have just finished night shift!

YABVU and self centred.... nurses have enough to think about without having to learn and remember parents names. In the end YOU aren't the patient... you're not particularly important to them, they're concentrating on your child and the many many other patients they don't have seldom have the resources to adequately treat.

No, you weren't being unreasonable. Paediatric care is meant to be holistic & care of a baby should encompass it's family. As primary carer, your engagement/views/understanding underpin your baby's care.

In an emergency, "mum" is a recognition of who you are to the child. Beyond that, you should be recognised as an individual with your own name, who is also parent to a child. If you feel up to it, raise it with the BRI as I think they might want to ponder if they'd encourage change or improvement in this practice. Especially given they support #hellomynameis

Plus I'm no one's "mum" (currently having this row with dd age 4: I'm her "mummy" lol!).

If I'm feeling particularly irritated I like to point out I'm dr owl. But not to dd, obvs :)

Beautiful baby & so pleased he's on the mend.

See I find it weird haha

Doctors and nurses could call me oi for all I cared as long DD was looked after well.

Your little one is adorable, so glad he's doing well.

I find it unacceptable. I don't need to be called by my name but I only respond to one person calling me "mum". I could be a bit more forgiving of NICU nurses (although they all managed to call me by my name or x's mum which is at least correct) but with midwives... not a chance. I am after all their patient and I think if every other ward in a hospital manages to refer to their patients by name not a generic title based on their ability to procreate, then there is no excuse for them.

When my DF was on an oncology ward, no one called me "daughter", they called me by name which weirdly enough they managed to remember despite having a large ward with a fairly fast turn over.

Now fair enough, the fact that I was very ill postnatally and didn't believe that ds was mine might be a factor in my knee jerk reaction but I complained about it (and a whole host of other things). The midwifery manager told me that it was a common complaint and that they kept telling the midwives to stop it, but that they wouldn't because it's easier.

I couldn't agree with you more. It is just ridiculous. Also confusing. I once pointed out to someone that I wasn't 'her mum'. Same thing drove me mad when I was trying to sort out care for my elderly father. People kept referring to 'Dad'. I wondered if they were referring to their own fathers half the time. Why couldn't they say 'your father' rather than 'Dad'? All most peculiar and unnecessary.

Not expecting anyone to remember my name either. They can just look at me and speak - I don't need to be addressed as anything!

Ever thought they say it so the child isn't been talked about like they aren't even in the room. It might be a way of making the child feel included when they are feeling vulnerable!

I suppose it's better than being called Er..

bbismad, should we therefore take it that you would be fine with staff calling you "wife" or "daughter" or "sister" when you are with other relatives?

Yanbu I have been in hospital tons of times with my daughter, 20 operations before she 6years old. It's lovely when you get treated with respect. so so hard being in hospital with a child as it's exhausting and so distressing. I'm not sure why parent name is not put on name board and front of kids notes tbh. And given that each nurse prob has 4 patients each and not the whole ward you would think it's pretty much within the average nurse's ability to get their heads around a parents name too. :-\
I really hope your lo is on the mend and you can escape soon. Big hug. Xxxx
( Maybe fill out a comments slip - I always plan to do this.)

To people who think parents aren't particularly important.... Omg really? I have no words!

Perhaps it was because I was an older mom I was always happy to be referred to as 'mum' - just grateful professionals didn't think I was grandma!

NRFT but want to offer support. It's really tough having a small one in hospital. You are amazing keeping it together!!! It is f irritating being called 'Mum' and makes you and your feelings feel devalued at a time when you are at your most vulnerable.

LOVE AND HUGS TO YOU

For those who say YABU yes staff don't have an option but really Mumsnet. If you've not been there don't have the audacity to kick someone when they are down and clearly seeking support. Mean girls!!!!

Ever thought they say it so the child isn't been talked about like they aren't even in the room. It might be a way of making the child feel included when they are feeling vulnerable!

But the trouble is, they're still talking about the child rather than including them. They're not saying 'Hi, DS, how are you and your mum today?' It's generally something like 'Hello Mum, how is DS today?' and 'now Mum, it's very important that x happens.'

Neither of those sentences is improved or more inclusive of the child by the addition of the word 'Mum'; both can stand perfectly well without any name. And if the desire is to include the child - try talking directly to them, and if you want to refer to the parent 'your mum' and 'your dad' work perfectly well as I've demonstrated above.

I've not had time to read all the posts, but I would hate to be called "Mum" on a hospital ward. Surely your name is written above the bed and it would only take a moment for staff to read it as they approach the bed? If there is no first name on the board then surely Mrs Thecatsarecrazy would be better. If you make it clear you'd like to be called by your first name they can add that to the board if necessary. ( I didn't mind "Mum" on a maternity ward though).

And if I was a women without children it would annoy me even more or possibly upset me (though Gransnet posters obviously have children!).

I just think it is lazy rather than friendly.

Hospitals are emotionally draining and exhausting, especially in warm weather so I think you are probably over thinking this one xx

Doesn't bother me at all. I'd rather the nurses or doctors or cleaners (anyone really) just cracked on with what needs doing rather than worrying about greeting everyone accurately.

They'd never please everyone...a 'Good morning Sarah, how's everything today' would invariably lead to some pompous idiots objecting to the over-familiarity and insisting they call them Mrs Smith. Mum and Dad in child-related medical situations is just a whole lot clearer and less stressful I imagine.

It's common in zpaediatric care and happens to me every time I take my daughter to see her Consultant . I don't mind as long as she gets good care .

irrationallly I don't like it either