To not be able to wait for Menopause?

[StewPots]

Ok, so I know that title sounds a bit silly, but at the grand old age of 33, I just want to be done with the whole monthly thing. I know (from my mum and MIL) that menopause is absolutely not a bed of roses, far from it, but PMS ruins my life for at least three weeks a month and I'm truly fed up.

I've been to the GP and there's nothing to recommend (can't take Pill due to family history of DVT , strokes etc). I'm currently on an implant which is the most reliable contraception I've ever had (GP did recommend Coil but risk of getting pregnant a lot higher apparently - I have 2 DCs, 15 & 3 and certainly don't want anymore). I've had AD for issues unrelated but have been free of them for a year and don't feel a need for them anymore (much happier settled life with DH following years in an abusive relationship).

I am just fed up, sick and tired, of the constant acne round my face for at least 3 weeks a month, despite clear skin until my late 20s, trying loads of methods/products/supplements etc, even ABX from GP which didn't work. I'm fed up of this awful blackness that swallows me whole for at least 4 days at a time once a month - proper sobbing fits followed by an absolute feeling of rage. It's exhausting as I need to keep it all in for the family, although poor DH bears the brunt of it.
The stages of undereating/overeating g at different points in my cycle. The absolute exhaustion I feel (like today) for no real reason at all (currently working PT but have night shift tonight- great) which leave me wiped out and drained. The bloating despite a good balanced diet.
I know this sounds very small fry and there are a lot worse things I could behave, but honestly it rules me for at least 3 weeks a month. I have one week where I feel really happy, energised, slim, clear skin etc etc and that's it.
Am I totally BU in thinking although the menopause is a nightmare, it can't be any worse than this for the next 20 years? The hot flushes I can put up with as also once a month at least I get a temperature surge and I spend my days and nights having real sweats (sorry, TMI).
Sorry for the long post and rant, and sorry if I've offended anyone, I'm just really fed up and frankly down about it. I never used to be like this. Thanks for all of you who made it to the end 😌

gosh OP I feel for you. I have been the same all my life and I am soooooo happy it appear to be finally over (touch wood)

I wanted to be sterilised too, even tried to get that once I gave birth, and dreamt about hysterectomy most of my life....

No menopause side effect have been major at all apart from the violent mood swings but not any worse than PMT

I also lost weight (boobs still good/usual) skin looks good, no more those puffy / circled / dry eyes. My libido is intact if not better.

I highly recommend it for any woman who has suffered PMT and struggled with any pill/device before.

Not very helpful comment to you right now OP but i am soooo relieved its over I had to share

oh yes, the bloating and sore breast - nightmare ! - its all gone

So…. I was searching for post hysterectomy advice on MN and found my old thread from wayyyyy back in 2017! Fast forward to now - I ended up being sterilised in the end. The GP was very sympathetic and recommended it to see if it helped at all. It did for a time, and that was in 2018!

However, my PMS got worse ( horrendous anxiety and depression, suicidal ideations daily and more ) and I have a diagnosed chronic pain condition that frequently puts me in hospital or bed rest… my cycle has made it infinitely worse, to the point you could time admissions by my cycle!!

So… in discussion with gynae and pain management, a full hysterectomy was offered to me and I took that offer! I’ve been on injections to put my body into false menopause - I had six months of pure bliss. My mood was so much better. Felt better mentally than I had in years, and it made me realise how much of my mental health was dominated by hormones and cycles. My skin was better. I had no hospital admissions for 5 months as could regulate my own stress levels better as more in control… I go in next Wednesday and I honestly can’t wait.

Also, to add, I finished my injection course 3 months ago - I was on it to see how I would handle menopause symptoms. I barely noticed any, but the minute it stopped everything came flooding back to the point I’m also on AD I haven’t been on for years . So this is certainly the right path for me. That’s not to say I won’t have any post op… but I’m feeling optimistic that at last, all the shit I’ve had to Wade through over the years with my PMS and now kicking flares off will be gone.

Am I totally BU in thinking although the menopause is a nightmare, it can't be any worse than this for the next 20 years?
Well some sailed through it, others experience the worse years of their life.

I'm in the latter group and would live through having periods and what comes with it until 90 rather than going through the menopause.

Before going through it, I couldn't understand why women made such a big deal of a 2 mns moment of heat. Until I experienced them and mine were not even half as bad as the average menopausal women. They are not just a short discomfort, they are overwhelming, make you feel very wierd and make you want to jump in a pool of ice water.

For me though, the worse part is the constant anxiety. You're not even aware that's what it is because it happens even when you are happy, have no worries or fears and therefore have no reason to feel anxious, yet it's there, hitting you when you don't expect it so you end up anxious about being anxious. The feeling is horrible, truly horrible. Add to it all that you quickly forget what you've taken for granted for years...good sleep.

Night after night or sleeping like shit, waking up every morning more exhausted then you were before you went to bed. Everything is a massive effort. You can't concentrate, your body feels like you've been beaten up and your head feels like you're going through a hangover.

And that's it part of it! Really hope that yours isn't half as bad, that hrt can work for you if it isn't, but I would really not wish the above on anyone!

@vivainsomnia thank you for your honest account of everything - I’ve had lots of stories from both sides. So those who’ve had horrendous experiences like yourself, and others who sailed through.

Because I’ve had such a horrendous time of it all my adult life with periods, PMS and now it being a flare trigger, the hope is that the hysterectomy will settle everything down once and for all. As I say, when I was put into false menopause I didn’t feel anything except better than I had in years, so I’m hoping that situation is replicated in the coming months ahead!

Fingers crossed it goes well from here. I am 51 and after a few years of periods becoming lighter and shorter, my last one was when I was about 48. Other than that nothing felt any different for me, I sometimes thought maybe I was having a hot flush, but I certainly didn’t get the jump in a cold pool feeling that poster above mentions, so maybe I was just hot, I have always been prone to overheating.

I haven’t slept well for a few years though, which poster above also mentions. I sleep for about an hour at a time these days, it has become my normal, I had never considered it to do with menopause, but perhaps it is.

I had very severe PMS and find the menopause easier. I had immediate menopause though as had ovaries out as had a cancer scare so didnt have peri one. Hot flushes are not great but better than weeks of pms. Feel for you.

I had endometriosis, it was awful every month, sounds tough what you are going through, but you might have a horrible meno so please don’t wish for that either.
The night sweats ( hot flushes is no way to describe it) can be horrendous and can really affect your sleep, meaning you are exhausted, adding to that the brain fog, which can ruin your confidence as you turn from a person juggling it all to someone who drop every ball handed to them!

can you have mirena? my youngest ds is now 11 and am on my 3rd one. Whilst i have gained a stone i cant shake off(was always bit underweight anyhow) its an absolute life chaanger. I have zero periods/bleeding. and none of the high/low moods anymore.

Sure, have mine. I had horrendous periods all my life. Really bad flooding pain and whatever but i would take that all back instead of the: Hot flashes which are accompanied by anxiety (sometimes panic) attacks, sleepless nights, night sweats, brain fog, itchy/dry vagina, bad skin, sudden food intolerances, the need to pee every time i have a small drink of water, the bloating, the thickening around the middle, the tiredness (so fucking tired)

What this thread tells me? We need to talk about menopause more not just when celebs like Caitlin Moran suddenly discover it.

Why are people saying ‘be careful what you wish for’?

Everyone goes through the menopause - whether they like it, choose it, wish for it, or not - unless, of course, they happen to die first.

I can’t wait for it, and to see the back of my periods once and for all.

I’m nearly 48 and my periods have started being a bit irregular. It’s currently 2 weeks, and counting, late. I am ever hopeful.

I can’t wait for the menopause.

I looked really young for my age until the menopause hit me at 50. I had middling kind of periods with some quite bad pain on day one so not the worst.

The actual menopause was very painful joints, itchy inner ears, dryness everywhere, lines on my face, my allergies to perfume and scented anything becoming much worse, becoming allergic to hair dye, Brain fog and being very ill tempered and permanently knackered. It was difficult for about 3 years.

I also have bigger boobs post menopause though I only weigh a couple of pounds more. I went from a C cup to a DD cup and I hate it they get in the ruddy way. I also have to eat less to maintain weight post menopause. Plus my reaction to alcohol, I just can’t tolerate it, was always a lightweight but now it’s one drink and I’m tipsy.

In our family, we have always gone through everything early - so start early, finish mid-40s. So I think with my sterilisation in 2018 it was heading that way anyway, but it’s the toll on my mental health for years and also the fact it triggers my inflammatory condition that we all agreed a hysterectomy was the way forward. I’m used to joint pain and pain in general - it’s part of my condition, so have medication to combat that. I’m also always tired and struggle to do basic tasks some days… but I’ve copied with everything thrown at me the past 5 years in particular and come through it. In my mind, my PMS is one less thing to raise my already high anxiety levels, one less thing to trigger a bad flare putting me in bed or worse, hospital. It’s hopefully all going to come together, but at the same time I’m also prepared from research etc for how bad it can be. But like a PP mentioned, we all go through this at some point in our lifetime - discussions about it can only be beneficial :)

I was also put into Tibilone whilst I had the Decaptyl injections and I honestly felt a lot more stable physically and mentally than I had for years. It’s so awful what we have to go through and put up with as women and how much our hormones and cycles rule our lives.

@StewPots

MrsJ that sounds absolutely awful for you..yes it really does suck to be a woman sometimes. I hope it settles for you soon and you feel better. Greta - I'm not sure, my GP didn't say (I'm assuming she would have?) maybe I should go back and ask? I'm just terrified of getting pregnant again (had a nasty MC a year after DS was born, didn't know I was pregnant until it happened but still shocking and not something I would want to go through again).

Periods and menopause affect women so differently. I have a friend who had horrendous periods and thinks menopause is the best thing that ever happened to her. Some women have barely any menopause symptoms just like some women win the lottery and have light periods that only last 3 days with minimal cramping.

Women with worse periods are also more likely to find the menopause a relief than those whose periods were not too bad. I hope you find something to stabilise your symptoms.

I’m 47 and 4 years into Peri-menopause. I didn’t realise until I was told about it that there is a shitty but before the menopause actually starts which can be many many many years long. I already had heavy periods with some clotting. Now - the clots are awful. I can feel myself passing them. Look at your pinky. Yup. That size and bigger occasionally. Thought I’d passed my liver once…

My periods. They can be regular. Semi regular. But rarely skip. No. I have the joy quite often of fortnightly periods.

Hot flushes. Sweats. Can’t wear makeup anymore as it’s just dripping off me.

Bloating. Really bad bloating. Gone from a flat stomach to ‘I didn’t know you were pregnant’. This is up and down every day.

Hair loss. Trouble concentrating. Forgetful.

Ohhh and now… now I know when I’m ovulating due to the crappy crappy cramps and pain.

Not loving the menopause over here this far.

Honestly if I were you and you’ve exhausted all options with GP of medication and treatment. Really really push for hysterectomy.

You are not crazy. It is heaven.

Be careful what you wish for. I can't wait to it's done. I've been peri menopausal for a few years started when I was 38, I'm now 43, I have night sweats, hot flushes, anxiety, nightmares, trouble sleeping, although hrt has helped.
I still have periods, more often ever, can sometimes be 2 weeks apart. I can use a whole pack of night pads a day and still flood.

My period pains require 2 different painkillers both on prescription. Hormonal migraines. I've begged for a hysterectomy just to get it all over with faster.

@MrsR2be

Be careful what you wish for. I can't wait to it's done. I've been peri menopausal for a few years started when I was 38, I'm now 43, I have night sweats, hot flushes, anxiety, nightmares, trouble sleeping, although hrt has helped. I still have periods, more often ever, can sometimes be 2 weeks apart. I can use a whole pack of night pads a day and still flood. My period pains require 2 different painkillers both on prescription. Hormonal migraines. I've begged for a hysterectomy just to get it all over with faster.

Oh god yes - the flooding. How could I forget. doing an awkward shuffle off to the bathroom and trying not to leave a trail or make the bed worse. I’m using the biggest most absorbent pads. I’m getting up an hour earlier to accommodate my period… still doesn’t work.

@MrsR2be oh my god, that sounds horrendous…. for you. Have you asked the GP for a referral or anything?

I can sympathise. I've had exactly the same as you for the past 5 years. Getting progressively worse. 3 weeks of each month huge mood swings etc.
6 months ago I went onto the progesterone only pill called desogestrel. (some people have bad side effects to this). I didn't like it at first. I bled constantly but it's settled now.
So far I have not had a period for 5 months and my mood is completely stable. No ups and downs at all. I honestly feel that it has saved my marriage. This may sound silly but I wasn't the person I used to be. I advise you to give it a go

I hear you OP! I had periods for 40 long years. Crippling PMS and really bad pain. Menopause was horrible though until I got HRT.

@Cantcook842 no not silly at all… when I was on the injections and HRT I felt almost normal, and it made me think how much my ( medically diagnosed ) extreme anxiety is linked to my cycle - it’s not just things I’ve been through, it’s also my reactions to them. It’s ruled my entire life. So on Wednesday I will be hoping that I have the same feelings I did a few months ago.