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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a rude reply to this message

125 replies

Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 20:00

I have an old work colleague who I think might have had a crush on me but was very shy with me. I had a crush on him but was also nervous so in my nervousness I think I came across standoffish.

He messaged me on Facebook a few weeks after finishing working together saying 'hey (name) how are you? Just wondering if you have that report from (insert meeting name).

Now I may be being ridiculous but I think he likes me and this was his way of getting in contact rather than actually needing information about the report as I've found out he was already sent the notes by a mutual colleague and had them before messaging me. He must have felt just saying how are you was a bit forward. 😂

So I replied saying 'I'm good thanks. I didn't actually keep the report. I kept it for a day and then threw it away'.

He hasn't replied.

So now I'm worried my reply was rude and my best friend said I should have ended with 'how are you?' So I'm keeping the conversation going.

I'm rubbish with message conversations and just aren't good at them.

Was this reply of mine okay or did it suggest disinterest?

I have taken the fact he hasn't replied as disinterest or indifference on his part.

And yes, I know I'm over analysing and no I'm not 14. Just need opinions really. And yes, I'm embarrassed I'm devoting a whole thread to this.

OP posts:
EatTheChocolateTeapot · 07/02/2017 20:02

Why don't you message him something about going out for a drink or meal? You'll know if he is interested. You only get 1 life :).

user892 · 07/02/2017 20:02

Ask it now?

alphabetaspagetti · 07/02/2017 20:03

I would say disinterest sorry! There is nothing there to encourage him to text back.

user892 · 07/02/2017 20:03

"how are you getting on these days then?"

bumsexatthebingo · 07/02/2017 20:03

If you want to keep the conversation going you could message him again asking if he got hold of the notes?

Ginoholic · 07/02/2017 20:05

You weren't rude, but didn't give him anything to respond to so it comes accross disinterested. You have nothing to lose though by messaging him again now! If you like him too then it's worth a try! Good luck.

Jenniferb21 · 07/02/2017 20:05

I wouldn't message again and say 'sorry I was in a rush sending that reply. How are you?x'

You may as well take the risk what's the worst that can happen you only live once! Xxxx

Namechanger38 · 07/02/2017 20:06

If you're interested you need to write something that will suggest so...continue the msg with something like "sorry I sent that too soon earlier! oops hope I didn't leave anyone in the lurch...how are you? What's been going on since I left?" And continue from there. If he's interested it will flow naturally with responses...

ToffeeForEveryone · 07/02/2017 20:07

What they all said Grin

Don't ask don't get.

Original poster
Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 20:08

He's quite sensitive so could have taken my reply as disinterest but then again, while he did SEEM to fancy me he's never once asked me on a date or made any remotely bold moves so part of me thinks no he's not interested and I'm clutch straws.

So my reply showed distinterest? Argh! I'm so socially awkward. I feel it would look a bit desperate if I now message anything as it's been a two weeks almost since he messaged.

OP posts:
hmmmum · 07/02/2017 20:08

Yes you sounded uninterested.
Like the others suggested, why don't you send him a message saying, "how are you?" Your reply sounded a little curt and distant (polite though!)

MixedGrill · 07/02/2017 20:09

Lol, yes, that was a very blunt reply! Good grief, it is basic, basic manners if someone asks how you are to at least ask the same back!

Message back 'Sorry I couldn't help, did you manage to get hold of a copy of the report? How are you? How is the new job? ' and if you dare 'be great to catch up sometime'.

This is like Cyrano de Bergerac.

BorisJohnsonsHair · 07/02/2017 20:10

You could message him and ask if he managed to get hold of a copy, and ask how he is at the same time. Make sure you ask a question, so that he has to respond.

hmmmum · 07/02/2017 20:10

If you've already acted a bit stand-offish with him in the past, that could be why he's not asked you out, he maybe just felt you were sending him loads of signals that you weren't interested and he doesn't want to make an idiot of himself.
Can you think of a good excuse to get back in touch with him? Even if you feel a bit embarrassed, you've got nothing to lose!

FannyFacial · 07/02/2017 20:10

bumsex you're good. OP I too am shit at messaging and overthink the simplest replies Blush good luck Smile

sonjadog · 07/02/2017 20:11

Ask him now

hmmmum · 07/02/2017 20:12

P.s. Don't feel bad, I'm awkward too and it's caused me problems as well. But if you like this guy, just make yourself do something!

Original poster
Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 20:12

Call me old fashioned but I'm not asking him on a date. Never!😂

He's not THAT shy. If he's interested he will ask me eventually. He's not done anything to suggest any interest though except that one message.

My reason for thinking he fancied me was he would always be around me at work and look at me and chat to me but then was nervous when it was just us.

I thought maybe he knew I liked him and didn't feel the same but I think the message removes the likelihood of that.

If there was absolutely no interest he wouldn't have messaged I don't think.

OP posts:
KeepingitReal2 · 07/02/2017 20:12

Not rude but not particularly friendly either... Best not to beat about the bush or overanalyse these things as you just waste time...

Maybe just ask him out casually to gauge his interest and then take it from there

bertsdinner · 07/02/2017 20:15

Id go with MixedGrills idea, he would have something to respond to and if he's interested it can go from there.

RebelRogue · 07/02/2017 20:15

Look just message him. He either likes you or he doesn't. Playing the waiting game and withering on about it won't change anything. Ask him if got hold of the report and how he is. If he replies and you get a nice conversation going,happy days. If not,then he wasn't that interested to begin with and it's time to move on.

Original poster
Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 20:16

The thing stopping me is a few hours before messaging me he put a new profile pic up with a woman and a ❤️ In the description.

So I think it's likely they're dating now?

Messaging straight after that suggests he may have wanted me to see the pic. Not sure why though.

So I feel this is one man I should probably forget about.

What do you lot think?

OP posts:
justpeachy74 · 07/02/2017 20:17

If you like him OP reply with something as suggested by PPs. Refer back to his original message about the report and then "how's things?"
It does sound as if there is some interest there. Life's too short!

Ohyesiam · 07/02/2017 20:19

If you want to show interest, you need to give him something to reply to, as others have suggested.
Showing interest in someone isn't the same as being desperate ( which might be described as willing to snog anyone, as you are so allergic to your own company......). Ask yourself, what's the worst that could happen? He could see you're interested, and not feel the same. True, but nobody dies, it just means there is a person in the world whose feelings don't match yours, and while that's not ideal, it live withable.
You only live once, go on message him.

RebelRogue · 07/02/2017 20:20

OP did you have a leaving do?was he there with someone,but got arsey when someone said you were gorgeous?

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