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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this a rude reply to this message

125 replies

Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 20:00

I have an old work colleague who I think might have had a crush on me but was very shy with me. I had a crush on him but was also nervous so in my nervousness I think I came across standoffish.

He messaged me on Facebook a few weeks after finishing working together saying 'hey (name) how are you? Just wondering if you have that report from (insert meeting name).

Now I may be being ridiculous but I think he likes me and this was his way of getting in contact rather than actually needing information about the report as I've found out he was already sent the notes by a mutual colleague and had them before messaging me. He must have felt just saying how are you was a bit forward. 😂

So I replied saying 'I'm good thanks. I didn't actually keep the report. I kept it for a day and then threw it away'.

He hasn't replied.

So now I'm worried my reply was rude and my best friend said I should have ended with 'how are you?' So I'm keeping the conversation going.

I'm rubbish with message conversations and just aren't good at them.

Was this reply of mine okay or did it suggest disinterest?

I have taken the fact he hasn't replied as disinterest or indifference on his part.

And yes, I know I'm over analysing and no I'm not 14. Just need opinions really. And yes, I'm embarrassed I'm devoting a whole thread to this.

OP posts:

Original poster

Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 20:20

If he was interested he would have replied to my last message. 😭 I know I didn't ask a question but I did answer his. No man is that shy surely

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bumsexatthebingo · 07/02/2017 20:21

If he's actually with someone then I'd leave it. If it really is just that message and him being more nervous when you were alone than in a group then I don't think it's screaming that he fancies you tbh.

RebelRogue · 07/02/2017 20:22

Right ...honestly just move on.

Original poster

Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 20:22

I had a leaving do. He didn't get arsey with me. He's shy with me outside of work so just kept to
Himself and his established group of friends.

He was very hard to read. Sometimes I felt he was shy, other times I felt he was disinterested. It was impossible to tell. I still don't know.

Usually with a man I just forget he exists unless he shows genuine interest but this message has thrown me a bit. I'd forgot about him largely.

Now I'm wondering if he was interested. But then his new profile pic has me wonder if he did just want a copy of the report and I'm reading way too much into it.

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Original poster

Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 20:24

It was just the nervousness. There were quite a few things that suggested he had a crush on me and mutual colleagues told me he did. So there's a possibility he did.

I'm just very very bad at knowing when a guy likes me and I'm usually very surprised when I'm asked out. I always presume they don't unless they ask me out directly.

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RebelRogue · 07/02/2017 20:25

You probably are reading too much into it. Or he's playing games. Either way not worth it.

P.s. I was asking as there was a thread on her about a guy with similar behaviour but from the gf's side. Including the unnecessary work related question after becoming "fb official".

watchoutformybutt · 07/02/2017 20:26

Oh lord. You remind me of my best friend. I've known her forever and she's always, always over analysed interactions with people she fancies. She drives herself (and me) nuts over things like this. If he's got his profile photo as him and a woman with a love heart I think it's safe to say they're probably a thing. Move on, don't give it any more head space. You'll be happier and calmer for it.

eddielizzard · 07/02/2017 20:26

well just ask if he managed to get hold of the report!

you're just following up. nothing wrong with that whatever way you look at it. and if he replies don't be so fucking terse and ask something in return. jeez convo 101.

Original poster

Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 20:28

Maybe he's trying to make me jealous. It felt like he wanted me to see his profile pic. It seems a bit of a coincidence that he messages just after putting a new profile pic with a woman up.

I think I will leave it. He could have replied to my message so he can't be that interested. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't very rude to the point of showing disinterest.

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RebelRogue · 07/02/2017 20:31

If he is seeing someone else(and sounds like he does), why would u have wanted to look interested anyways?

MixedGrill · 07/02/2017 20:31

"He was very hard to read. Sometimes I felt he was shy, other times I felt he was disinterested. It was impossible to tell. I still don't know." And you are being the same. You clearly really like him. He MIGHT be that shy that he wouldn't reply having had no encouragement from you, he might also be very wary of being seen to bother someone who was not giving any encouraging signals. Which you weren't.

The Facebook status is somewhat of a drip feed however. And confusing if, as you say, he had no actual need to ask you for the report.

Send one v simple message back, asking if he got a copy, and 'I hope you are ok etc?' And then if he replies, keep it going, if not, well, that's that.

Pleasestoplickingthetv · 07/02/2017 20:32

How about
"Hey, I was just thinking about you. Did you manage to get hold of that report?"

MixedGrill · 07/02/2017 20:33

There was no way in to reply to your message. It was a brick wall. If you want him to reply again YOU have to ask if he is OK. Conversations are 2 way things. What have you got to lose?

bumsexatthebingo · 07/02/2017 20:34

If he's the kind of guy who's going to use a photo of someone he's dating to make you jealous you're probably best off staying clear of him.
If he isn't and hes actually dating someone he likes then you're best off staying clear of him.

Original poster

Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 20:35

Sorry didn't mean to drip feed.

I can find out if the woman is his girlfriend from my best friend as she will know. If he's got a new girlfriend that would definitely show disinterest in me right?

If it's just a female friend I will message back.

Yes he was shy. I'm outgoing but shy with guys I like and can come across standoffish. Generally I find if a man is interest he goes for it and makes a move though. Only men I've shown complete disinterest to don't make a move and I didn't do that.

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Miserylovescompany2 · 07/02/2017 20:41

If he's interested you will message you again. Or, you could simply ask if he managed to get a copy of the report? (Then you are asking him a question and not one that takes you out of your comfort zone)

Original poster

Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 20:48

Apparently he told my best friend I've deleted him on Facebook.

Went to check and he's no longer a friend. Found out my ex got jealous and deleted ever guy I've chatted to in the last month (only two of them) from my Facebook.

So I can't re add him now it's just going to look weird. I've changed my password now. Sigh!

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AliceInUnderpants · 07/02/2017 20:52

That progressed fast!

SorrelSoup · 07/02/2017 20:56

Is this the guy who said your dress was old fashioned? Sorry if that wasn't you; it just rang a bell.

Original poster

Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 21:02

No. I'm new to mumsnet so not discussed this before.

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HarryPottersMagicWand · 07/02/2017 21:07

So in the last hour you managed to find out this man told a friend you deleted him from Facebook and you have managed to find out your jealous ex has deleted every man you have spoken too so you have changed your password?

You do sound 14 I'm afraid.

DistanceCall · 07/02/2017 21:09

Sorry, you sound a bit of a drama llama.

Call me old fashioned but I'm not asking him on a date. Never!

That's not old fashioned, that's just stupid.

woowoowoo · 07/02/2017 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 21:12

I can find out these things quickly.

I would invite a guy out with friends but not on an actual date. It wouldn't occur to me to ask a guy on an actual date. If a guy is interested he will eventually ask you anyway so no need.

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Original poster

Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 21:13

I'm new on the site and have not mentioned any guy before this thread. You are grouping me unfairly with someone with a similar dilemma.

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