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Original poster

Is this a rude reply to this message

125 replies

Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 20:00

I have an old work colleague who I think might have had a crush on me but was very shy with me. I had a crush on him but was also nervous so in my nervousness I think I came across standoffish.

He messaged me on Facebook a few weeks after finishing working together saying 'hey (name) how are you? Just wondering if you have that report from (insert meeting name).

Now I may be being ridiculous but I think he likes me and this was his way of getting in contact rather than actually needing information about the report as I've found out he was already sent the notes by a mutual colleague and had them before messaging me. He must have felt just saying how are you was a bit forward. 😂

So I replied saying 'I'm good thanks. I didn't actually keep the report. I kept it for a day and then threw it away'.

He hasn't replied.

So now I'm worried my reply was rude and my best friend said I should have ended with 'how are you?' So I'm keeping the conversation going.

I'm rubbish with message conversations and just aren't good at them.

Was this reply of mine okay or did it suggest disinterest?

I have taken the fact he hasn't replied as disinterest or indifference on his part.

And yes, I know I'm over analysing and no I'm not 14. Just need opinions really. And yes, I'm embarrassed I'm devoting a whole thread to this.

OP posts:
OverTheGardenGate · 07/02/2017 22:20

Normally I know if a guy does or doesn't like

Earlier on you said you had a problem knowing whether a bloke likes you or not. And for that reason, I'm out.

BlueFolly · 07/02/2017 22:22

The fact that you ended your message with the words then threw it away would have put him off I think. I know it's only a work report but it kind of implies that you thought it was shit. And he wanted it, so if he has any kind of low self esteem he will think that by extension you are saying he is shit too.

I am one for over analysing too Grin

Can't possibly lead to awkwardness if you just say 'Hi, how's things, did you manage t get hold of that report?'

bumsexatthebingo · 07/02/2017 22:23

Why not readd him and explain that your ex had access to your account and deleted people.

Overthegardengate I noticed that too Grin

denisefrances · 07/02/2017 22:27

for the love of god put yourself in the other persons shoes and send a message if only to show friendship

allchattedout · 07/02/2017 22:28

If he was in a new relationship he would not have messaged me. He'd be interested in his new girlfriend and not a work colleague he's not seen for a while

How do you know this though? He may actually have needed the report. This is such a head-fuck. Why do you feel that you shouldn't lower yourself to asking a man out? Is it only desperate women who do that? Just think, he could be the one and you could be missing out on a fantastic relationship because you won't add him back on facebook or ask if he fancies meeting up some time. Seems a bit sad if you really like him.

OverTheGardenGate · 07/02/2017 22:28

bumsex As Judge Judy she say, "if you're going to spin a tale, you have to have a good memory." Or summat along those lines.

Original poster
Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 22:35

I meant I usually know if a guy likes me or not in terms of friendship/general liking me as a person.

I never pick up when a guy is interested romantically unless they ask me on a date or very clearly show interest by inviting me out with friends. It has to be pretty direct. Most guy seem to be direct though. Men don't let a woman they like go.

Anything less than that I take as disinterest.

I will message. I will see what happens after that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notenoughimagination · 07/02/2017 22:41

I will message. See what happens.

Thanks for the replies.

I was just building up the courage to message.

OP posts:
IwasAM · 07/02/2017 23:18

I concur - most heartily - with your username OP. Wink

bonfireheart · 07/02/2017 23:54

Oh, this is too much like the other thread but from the girlfriend's point of view, right down to him asking for reports he already had.

FireInTheHead · 08/02/2017 00:15

Is it me or is it getting more and more like the problem page from Jackie around here with all the "Do you think he fancies me?" threads recently? There was the one who went to a party and was ignored by guy in question, another similar to this one with a guy who messages "how are you" every few weeks and another about kissing a guy while in a non-exclusive relationship with a different one.And, since we're not in 1817, what's up with this rash of bashful damsels who can't bring themselves to ask if a man wants to meet up for a coffee?

bonfireheart · 08/02/2017 00:18

I know right!
Ask him.
Don't ask him out.
Wait for him to ask you out.
Which would yield a result of any kind?

LellyMcKelly · 08/02/2017 00:24

Do you want to go out with him?

Francinelle01 · 08/02/2017 00:43

Sometimes it helps to work on a worst case scenario. If you wrote this guy a friendly message what's the worst case if he didn't reply? You feel a bit silly? Your ego is dented? I met a guy at a party who lived 300 miles from me. We chatted, nothing happened but when I got home I thought, he was really nice. So I did something I've NEVER done. Got his email from a friend and wrote him a lighthearted message saying I'd enjoyed meeting him. We're now married with 2 children. What if I'd never taken that chance and what was the worst that could have happened? Life really is too short. Be brave.

haveacupoftea · 08/02/2017 01:15

Just add him on Facebook and text him saying hey, some of my friends got deleted on FB, readded you there, hows it going?

steff13 · 08/02/2017 01:22

Oh, this is too much like the other thread but from the girlfriend's point of view, right down to him asking for reports he already had.

I was just thinking that, it's like a reverse of the last thread.

GarrulousGrimoire · 08/02/2017 01:30

God don't mention your loony ex deleting people as PPs have suggested that level of drama will kill it for sure!

Just re-add and send a msg saying "Hope you got the report. How is "x" mutually interesting work person/project?"

So very very simple!

Then don't reply if he does until you have passed it via your MN conversation filter panel Grin

PointlessUsername · 08/02/2017 01:37

You must drive yourself insane.

Way over thinking. Send a message, or dont. Simple.

DuchessOMalley · 08/02/2017 02:42

Hey OP just thought I'd let you know that when you send a message request it goes to the 'other' folder so he probably won't see it. Just add him and ask him out!

Original poster
Notenoughimagination · 08/02/2017 07:50

The new woman is his girlfriend. Ah well. I've still messaged but obviously this is one guy who just wasn't into me. He's not replied yet.

Best friend says they stared dating four weeks ago.

I feel pleased that I know now though. No more second guessing. If he can ask her on a date, he could have asked me on a date. He chose not to. Time to move on.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 08/02/2017 08:01

Definitely time to move on, life shouldn't be this difficult either. Couple of good life lessons here for you though, it's not 1936, seize the day in the future & ask, if you want a reply to a message, give the person something to come back with & finally, if someone is nice to you, don't assume they have a crush on you. Good luck for the future

DistanceCall · 08/02/2017 08:39

Or perhaps SHE asked him on a date, OP.

MixedGrill · 08/02/2017 08:45

Ok, move on this time

But seriously, drop this notion that you need to sit back like a stuffed lemon and do NOTHING. If you are interested learn to at least make polite conversation. You know, say 'how are you?' back.

The fact is, with a tiny bit of a hint that an approach might be welcome he might well have shown an interest in you.

You Have To Make Some Effort.

If I sound as if I am ranting, I am. I have just been through a whole thing where people were accused of being cliquey and unfriendly having been naturally friendly , chatty, sending texts but getting a blank wall reply such as the one you sent. Then the recipient going to other friends and finding things out via third parties, as you have been doing, while claiming 'they just don't like me'. It is EXHAUSTING.

ImperialBlether · 08/02/2017 08:47

I'm ready to go back to bed after reading all that!

HCantThinkOfAUsername · 08/02/2017 08:56

Ah you have your answer now at least