To expect husband to use his brain occasionally?

[McDougal]

Together for 16 years, married for almost seven but almost certain that he has engaged his brain about three times during that period. He'll do absolutely anything for anyone, me included, but the second conversation turns to him doing something without direction, he goes blank. Please tell me it's not just me that this infuriates?

Sadly, you can not have a discussion with some feminists. They can be so adamant, and if you aren't as a committed Feminist as they are you are wrong or some kind of apologist and enabler.

If the feminists would just calm down a bit and accept some people just aren't as bothered/committed as they they would have more support.

Mine does the helpless act when it's something he doesn't want to be bothered doing. Yesterday it was ordering his repeat medication for asthma.

"oh, dear, I'm nearly out of inhalers - can you ring the surgery for me later?" I go to work too

"do it online - I showed you last time - it's easy - I've saved a link"

"I can't remember what to do"

"FFS you're always telling me what a good memory you have for detail, but you can't arsed to remember how to do this because you know I'll do it if you don't"

So I did it AGAIN & it took less than a minute & rather than watch & learn he said "Oh you'll have to show me how to do that later" why not now? - aargh

I ended up building some bunkbeds alone as he was just standing there saying he didnt understand That made me laugh.

I was due to see a friend today but had to cancel due to a dentist appointment coming up. I told DH yesterday. He's just asked me if I'm seeing xxx today.

For every man who doesn't know nursery times, there is a woman who doesn't know how to fix a leaky tap (and, indeed, vice versa)

So I did it AGAIN.

Well that was your first mistake!

No, it was probably my Nth mistake, Baffled

He could become really unwell without the inhalers, so I feel somewhat over a barrel. If it was pain-relief for arthritis or something I'd take a firmer line.

DJKKSlider He was a capable man before DS, I lived with him for 3 years before DS. Its more like he decided to flip a switch. I don't get it, if I wasnt able to look after my baby without prompting then I would be so ashamed of myself. (Obv barring MH issues).

I do like that Fuck you list, may implement it at the weekend

Bitout:
All this "bless him he does try" attitude makes my teeth itch. He's a grown man. An adult. A partner (supposedly). An equal (allegedly). Not a kitten trying to use the litter tray for the first time.
I totally agree, I do not want my DS to grow up and have women make excuses for him being lazy/a shithead.

if I wasnt able to look after my baby without prompting then I would be so ashamed of myself.

This is a good point. I think women who aren't good at this stuff are seen as having failed as a mother, in a shameful way, in a way that men don't get. Generally, people don't call a man a bad father because he can't be arsed to remember how the bedtime routine goes, for example.

I can understand someone not being a good cook, or not good at fixing taps/cars/sewing etc. as that is all skilled work. But nor being able to do basic practical stuff, and having no awareness of your child's basic needs is not in the same league.

"For every man who doesn't know nursery times, there is a woman who doesn't know how to fix a leaky tap (and, indeed, vice versa)"
Yes, I often see this argument. So the fact that one person in a relationship doesn't know how to do the everyday tasks necessary to look after a family is cancelled out by the fact that every couple of years or so they fix a leaky tap or put up a shelf!

And not picking up your own mess around the house is just being bone idle. No excuse for it.

Urgh.

How can you want to shag men you're having to mother? Yuk.

So the fact that one person in a relationship doesn't know how to do the everyday tasks necessary to look after a family is cancelled out by the fact that every couple of years or so they fix a leaky tap or put up a shelf!

My DH always puts the bins and recycling boxes out and brings them in again. I could do it but its usually cold and wet outside. I might sling them to the side if they are blocking the drive when I get home from work.

Does this make the analogy more equal?

Generally, people don't call a man a bad father because he can't be arsed to remember how the bedtime routine goes, for example.

If anyone in my life generally called me out as a bad mother or DH as a bad father for anything so inconsequential as forgetting the bedtime routine I'd have a few choice words for their reply!

"Does this make the analogy more equal?"

I don't know. I suppose it depends on how the rest of the family maintaining tasks are shared out.

Not really, Kathy. It's fine if in a partnership there's an equitable division of tasks, which can take into account if one of the pair finds a job relatively more unpleasant or difficult (for genuine reasons). It's the feigned incompetence - which can affect women as well as men - which can be problematic.

Baffled- there's a big difference between "forgetting" and "can't be arsed to remember"......

And how, pray tell, would said caller know which it was in my case, before they judged my success or failure in my role as a mother on this fact?

Baffled- this thread is full of people saying that their partners are in the "can't be arsed to remember" camp!

Incidentally, could you say more about "I love feminism. I hate that is has been hijacked by men hating twatsies"?

Bert I find the vibe on here is very, if not anti-men, very woman-supremacist at times.

Not one person, not one, has dared to mention the baby brain effect of becoming a new father. That, "oh fuck, it's in me now. If I don't bring it home my baby won't eat and could die. Is better be super effective at work."

Why is that? Maybe it's fear of the men-haters who expect it all from men and expect to be understood as woman and as a mother.

Just noticed that the first post in this thread which used 'feminazi' has been deleted.

I should add it is done under the guise of feminism which really gets me my goat. He ace the need for the differentiation.

These women are NOT feminists any more than a well reported terror group are a well known religion.

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ErrolTheDragon I noticed that too but it was a generally offensive messenge so I still don't know if that is why. Clarification would be useful.

I wouldn't have mentioned that 'baby brain' effect because it's not something I've ever observed. Has anyone else in 21st century Britain, anyway?

Equating 'women being a bit pissed off when their partner CBA to do domestic stuff' with 'man hater' is rather daft hyperbole. Surely no-one genuinely thinks the OP or other posters hate men?