To expect husband to use his brain occasionally?

[McDougal]

Together for 16 years, married for almost seven but almost certain that he has engaged his brain about three times during that period. He'll do absolutely anything for anyone, me included, but the second conversation turns to him doing something without direction, he goes blank. Please tell me it's not just me that this infuriates?

Do you want your son to grow up to be "a loveable but semi useless husband and dad?"

God. Some of the posts on here are just unbelievable.

Feminazis? Burning your bra?

Feminism is defined as a belief in the political, economic and social equality of women. Is there really anyone on here who doesn't believe in that?

My child will grow up to be whatever they are going to be and I will accept them unconditionally. I won't neurotically mould them into my or society's ideal.

I'm not a lovable but semi useless mother because I don't fix the bikes, or clear out the shed, or do the rough and tumble style play. Equally DH is not lovable but semi useless at some in-house chores or knowing the school run schedule or the school meals menu by heart.*

If you judge a fish by their ability to climb a tree, and all that.

*I do, however, reserve the right to piss and moan about this behaviour at the end of the day when I'm tired.

It doesn't mean I'm oppressed.

Baffled- it was you that said "loveable but semi useless husband and dad" Seriously- would you be happy for someone to say that about your son?

I couldn't give a toss what someone said about me or my family.

I care about our wellbeing and that is in no way linked to the opinions of others. Being content with reality plays a part though.

Lovable but semi-useless. Meh, if thats how they feel, then what of it? I've heard worse.

Blimey.

So another generation of men incapable of looking after their families rolls around.

Utterly heartbreaking.

I'm fairly sure my opinion speaks for my reality and not the whole next generation.

You have quite a broad brush there, don't you.

If your heart breaks over this you probably need to develop more resilience.

I think we're all entitled to express dissatisfaction with our partners from time to time. That's life. It doesn't mean we're questioning their ability to 'look after' their family.

Ranting is cathartic and unfortunately this thread was my outlet....genuinely didn't think this would erupt!

Conversely:

"incapable of looking after their families"

Significantly more horrible than:

"Lovable but semi useles"

Yes Bert don't be ridiculous, let's just accept things as they are, let's not question things or hope for something better.

X post

The thing you don't realise is, many have something really great already in my family with gender typical roles.

It's not for everyone but for me I've found my happiness here.

I don't need the illusive something better.
I don't have that void that needs filled.

A family*

Leaving all the other heavy stuff aside and going back to the original spirit of the thread I sometimes wonder if my DH and I may be different species at times op! Can run a farm and operate heavy machinery but at times I wonder if anyone is home. Although tbf he looks at me many times so perhaps has put this exact post on the hypothetical (as opposed to the actual bit on here) dadsnet

Why is being a feminist seen as a bad thing?

If you believe women should be able to have sex with who they want, be able to marry who they want, have control over their own bodies, get equal pay for equal work and be allowed to control their own money, the you are a feminist. Whether or not you change light bulbs or put out the bins.

Why is being a feminist seen as a bad thing?

Yup. This.

Completely agree. Not sure how this became the point of this thread but still in total agreement. Surely no one is against equality?

Think I'll stay away from AIBU next time I fancy a moan

Norms are just the norm.

It used to be the norm that women couldn't get a proper education or vote, you know. If you're personally happy with the status quo, well fine, but no need for childish namecalling of those who don't want today's 'norms' to remain unchallenged.

I love feminism. I hate that is has been hijacked by men hating twatsies.

But op just wanted a lighthearted moan about her partner. Not a lecture on how she should have known this this being that he is human about him when she met him 16 years ago.

I resent the idea that a family that happens to be very normal is in some way being hoodwinked or oppressed.

It devalues the whole idea.

People who use their term "Feminazis" for women that express opinions about equality are a) fucking ignorant arse holes; b) scared of feminists for whatever reason, and c) fucking ignorant arse holes.

And people who name call instead of entering into the debate and contributing in a meaningful way are people who name call instead of entering into the debate and contributing in a meaningful way.

So there we go.

I've contacted MNHQ to ask about the use of 'feminazi' on MN as a casual insult towards women. I don't think you have to be a genius in etymology to see how it's offensive.

Perhaps they'll allow it. Perhaps they won't. It would be good to be clear, though.

AIBU To expect husband to use his brain occasionally?

Together for 16 years, married for almost seven but almost certain that she has engaged her brain about three times during that period. She'll do absolutely anything for anyone, me included, but the second conversation turns to her doing something without direction, he goes blank. Please tell me it's not just me that this infuriates?

Can you imagine? This poster would be ripped to shreds- despite his " only being lighthearted " protests.

I agree LineysRun. I've seen and heard it a lot. I've never once thought it would be considered offensive as it is calling out the bad behaviour of the Nazis in its application to different things to imply taking useful things, but then taking these things way too far.

I'm happy to be told otherwise, but not something I would have considered before this evening.

It's possible it is one of those things where is actually offensive to take offensive on someone else behalf.

"I imagine the victims of X feel..."

I'm very uncomfortable with that sentiment at times. Often the actual victim of atrocities call out on these sentiments used to forward a personal agenda.

Feminism hasn't been hijacked by 'Men hating twatsies'
Its been hijacked by people who can see the inequality in a relationship and instead of sitting there, like a good girl and doing everything because the mighty man is far too concerned with other matters, are actually calling out the bullshit.

Its got little to do with who can change tyres, who can sew, who can cook a roast. Its more to do with balance. If things are unbalanced, things aren't fair.

So sweet but useless men who do shit all around the house is still a useless man and shouldn't be tolerated by a 'Partner'