People who say 'oh yes little Johnnie/ Janey loves his/her little brother/sister' when new baby is less than 6 months old ARE LYING

[HesterGreysGarden]

Small gap between my 2 (less than 2 years) and DC1 was DEVASTATED when DC2 came along. Now lots of DC2s friends are having little brothers and sisters and the parents are all saying 'oh yes he/she just loves little babies...' or 'I think it's been harder on us than on him/her...' Please tell me this is utter bullcrap and it's not just that I'm a terrible parent who completely mishandled having number 2.

Having to make room for a younger sibling has been the single most traumatic event in DC1's short life. Adjusting to that was a bit like grieving and it's knocked us all for six. Is our experience really unusual? I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be at all. AIBU to think that's because other people are lying about how easy their DC are finding it?

First, you are not a terrible parent. But also pp are not necessarily lying. It probably has to do more with the personality of DC1.

DD1 was SO excited when I became pregnant with DD2. They are 2.5 yrs apart. DD1 fed and changed DD2's diaper as soon as I let her (~6mo). When DD2 started to walk, DD1 went around the house putting away sharp objects and advised me to be sure to turn the handles of cooking pots towards the wall so that DD2 doesn't accidentally knock them over and spill hot content all over herself. I think that's who DD1 is. I've never met another child quite like her in this sense.

Not everyone will be lying lol

My DD was 22 months when her brother was born and she liked him the moment she met him in hospital,

He's 8 weeks now and she's 2, she's lovely with him ( most of the time ) shows everyone her baby, says his name, helps change him, loves having a bath with him

It's not all sunshine and roses, when she gets mad she goes to hit me or the baby, when iv left the room she's grabbed hold of his face and left deep scratch marks, kicked him, thrown her toys at him ect but that's when she's in a strop and I think she's handling it all really well to say she's only 2

My DD, just four, is besotted with my DS now 10 months. She adores him, claims he is her best friend. I give her a treat and she automatically gives him half! She came home from nursery today with a valentine days card with him because she loves him most apparently!

On the other hand the feeling seems mutual as he follows her around, they play together really nicely.

I'm quite sure it won't last but I don't think people are lying, they just have kids going through a good spell!

My two are 3 years 8 months apart.

DC1 tolerates DC2, but generally prefers it when he's not around. Disappointed when he wakes from a nap, etc. Sometimes I worry that they'll always just be irritants to each other.

Dcs age 6 and 2 - ds has absolutely adored dd since he clapped eyes on her, not a cross word in 2 years. This may well change in the future but long may it last, it's lovely.

Adore is a strong word! There's lots of love - yes, there's also lots of screeching with the main aim to get the other one into trouble (there's 30 months between mine - DD6 and DS4).

Surprisingly it's my DS who is much more jealous of my DD having affection from me, although my DD just loves to get DS put on a time-out. In the same breath though they play together constantly, always make sure the other has sweets, toy, hat, equal amount of everything etc so that it's fair.

It's a constant whirlwind of love, assaults, uncontrollable giggles (which make me beam) tears, protestations and a constant quest for justice. Occasionally they've started to team up against me and DH too which is quite amusing.

DC3 is due in four weeks ... We have no plan, we're just winging it!

I had one, quickly followed by twins 18m later. My older one loved one twin, and constantly requested I get rid of the other.

All good now though! (10 years later)

I guess it depends on the age gap too. Dd is 10 weeks, ds is 6yo and he does absolutely adore her. That's not to say it's been trouble free though. For a few weeks ds really acted out at dh and I. Mega tantrums, regression etc. We consoled ourselves that at least he was directing it at us rather than dd. The novelty has definitely worn off considerably now and he doesn't want/ need to be involved in every single aspect of her care, but he does still kiss her lots and is very protective (borderline possessive!) He also has the occasional blip where he lets his frustrations run away with him (such as when we're stressed and our attention is taken by dd). But on the whole he genuinely loves her and wants to be involved. He's always been great with babies though, fascinated by them.

Oh and just to say I found the hardest thing about having another was dividing my time and feeling like we were ruining ds's life, especially as it had just been him and us for so long. I had a lot of tears and guilt at first. But you have to remember you're giving them a gift - their sibling will be the one person they'll know for the rest of their life and the one to share the family memories with long after us parents are gone.

DS1 loved both of his younger siblings instantly (20 month gap, and 4.5 year gap, respectively). Never exhibited any jealousy. He has always been good with babies though. In his last year of daycare, they let him spend a lot of time with the carers in the infants room because he loved helping out.

DS2 was probably a lot more typical. He showed little interest when his sister was born, and though they get along well now, he stills takes more interest in tormenting her by putting a gorilla mask on than he does in including her in whatever he's doing. I wouldn't say he's ever been jealous of her. He's just a typical shit of a kid at times. He's a lot less aware of his size in comparison to younger kids, and is a lot less likely to think before he does something.

Not lying! My DS has always really liked babies. Always! At Playgroups he always liked to look at them and be near them. They were always the people he mentioned later at home. He was none to impressed that I only had 2 babies on the way instead of 3...

That said, he found it very stressful of course when the babies arrived. He had nightmares, massive tantrums over nothing, chewed his lip with anxiety. After 2 weeks the conversation went like this:

DS: Do you love me?
Me: Of course I do!
DS: More than the babies?
Me: Yes.

He was mostly fine after that. He needed to hear it and never mentioned it again. Of course he gets jealous sometimes but I genuinely think he loves them, in his own 3yo way.

I don't think him liking them is much to do with my parenting skills. Like I said, he has just always liked babies.

DD1 has loved dd2 from the first day they met! In fact I've been totally surprised by how maternal she was at just 19 months. She loves the baby more than me and DH as she gets all the kisses and cuddles!

To be honest I think it just depends on their age and phase though. Had I had the baby now whilst DD is 2 it would have been different as she can show signs of jealousy- e.g cries for no reason because baby is crying. It sounds like you've had it rough but when it's tough just think you're giving them a sibling which is a great gift as they get older!

I'd also like to add DD1 is an awful sleeper so I felt like the universe owed me this one ☺️

DD1 was 3.5 yo when DD2 arrived. She was very excited to be a big sister and loved the little baby. So they aren't all lying. For the first year it was more indifference. She loved DD2 but didn't see her as playmate. She would cuddle or pick clothes or fetch nappies etc. Once DC2 started walking they played more together. And speaking brought them even tighter. They would play happily leaving me to do my own thing. Ofc they still fight.

Very judgy and emotive title there OP It really got my goat.

DS1 was 25mths when DD came along and he loved her from the start. They were 7 and 9 when DS2 appeared and thought they had their very own baby doll. I couldn't get near him.

The elder two are now 18 and 16 and still close.

There's only 17mths between my brother and I and we're close too.

And I'm NOT LYING about any of these relationships sorry not sorry.

This is AIBU LordPercy 😂 don't people usually post here when they're feeling a bit het up and possibly irrational? From the responses it does seem that there's a real range of experience. I'm genuinely pleased for everyone who's had a good experience with this - and I'm also pleased that maybe people haven't just been lying. Partly it was depressing to think that everyone felt they had to pretend that everything was perfect... there is quite a lot of that when it comes to parenting. Thanks for all the responses.

Actually, op is just trying not to feel alone in having sibling rivalry. It is very NORMAL. All this thread has thrown up is another bunch of little Johnnies. You're not alone op. Mine sometimes hate each other, sometimes love each other. The first year was tough. I have a bigger gap, too

YY to people pretending everything is perfect! I used to look at people who swore their babies slept through from birth and actually want to disembowel them with a spoon (mine didn't, at all, can you tell? )
Honestly with DD adoring DS2 we got lucky, rather than it being anything to do with our parenting.

There's a lot of smoke and mirrors in parenting OP, another thing they don't mention in the baby books! Everyone is just trying to get through the day doing the best they can whilst secretly panicking that everyone else has it sussed and are actually modern day Walton families. They're not!!

PS - I wish!! 😉

My brother hated it when I arrived and there's 5 years between us. He had been the baby and it was just and my other brother then along came a little girl. My eldest ds adored dd when she arrived there's 5 years between them and my DD adores DS which is 2.5 she loves mothering him, I can see her bossing him about when he's older.I do think it just depends on the individual child.

I had a conversation at nursery the other day where a mum was surprised her 3 kids are so different to each other. When I said that they're all different people with different thoughts and feelings and personalities she seemed quite surprised! Like she'd never thought of it that way before.
All 3 of my kids are completely different, likes, dislikes, easy going, demanding, noisy, quiet....the list is endless.

We have a 2y10m age gap - new baby is 16 weeks and big brother still disgusted by him. He literally screams if the baby comes near him, won't kiss him or sit by him for photo. But at the same time he shows great concern if baby coughs/ sneezes. If baby cries he has occasionally hushed him or come to tell me baby needs his boobies I'm not afraid to tell people this, I certainly don't sugar coat their non existent relationship

I think most older sibs see new babies as a disturbance to their routine and a competitor for parental affection.
I wouldn't say all sibs see things this way though, I suspect if you have a larger gap there may be more genuine affection.
I don't think new babies should be introduced as some sort of present for the older child though or that relatives should tell the older child how they should feel in a "you must be delighted with your baby sister" sort of way.
Telling relatives not to ignore older kids and just fuss over the new baby is important as well.

They are not all lying! DC1 was absolutely thrilled when DC2 came along! Literally had one wobbly when DH went back to work, but otherwise they absolutely adore each other. DH and I feel ganged up on now, they are as thick as thieves!

No - they're not all lying in my opinion. My little girl genuinely adores her brother (2 year gap) everyday the first thing she asks to see is him and when we pick her up from nursery the first person she asks for is him. She does love role-playing with little babies though, so that might be where she gets it from (partly). She wants to be involved in everything we do with him which is quite sweet I think. Dont worry OP - different children just react differently, give it some time. Good luck