People who say 'oh yes little Johnnie/ Janey loves his/her little brother/sister' when new baby is less than 6 months old ARE LYING

[HesterGreysGarden]

Small gap between my 2 (less than 2 years) and DC1 was DEVASTATED when DC2 came along. Now lots of DC2s friends are having little brothers and sisters and the parents are all saying 'oh yes he/she just loves little babies...' or 'I think it's been harder on us than on him/her...' Please tell me this is utter bullcrap and it's not just that I'm a terrible parent who completely mishandled having number 2.

Having to make room for a younger sibling has been the single most traumatic event in DC1's short life. Adjusting to that was a bit like grieving and it's knocked us all for six. Is our experience really unusual? I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be at all. AIBU to think that's because other people are lying about how easy their DC are finding it?

[PonderLand]

I have no experience of this as I just have one child but I've got several friends who's older children found it extremely difficult.
One lb aged 6 used to cover the baby up with a blanket whenever the mum went out of the room. It did eventually settle but she found it quite embarrassing, and thought people would see it as a reflection of her parenting.

[Screwinthetuna]

Honestly, it was the best thing that happened to my eldest but that isn't everyone and it will get better with time

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

SpareChange I remember rushing into the living room because ds2 started wailing.

Ds1 (2yrs) protested "I didn't hit him with my hammer" ..standing next to his baby brother holding his plastic hammer, with a very guilty look on his face.

[PerspicaciaTick]

For those of you who have forgotten the scarily accurate Harry and Lulu

[GruffaloPants]

My DD1 has consistently adored DD2. However there's a 5 year age gap, which I'm sure makes things easier. She loves telling me how she loves DD2 far more than she loves me or her daddy

[BaggyCheeks]

They're not all lying, some people do have toddlers that take well to a sibling. My DS was, unfortunately for me, not one of those. He was 2y2m when DD was born and it could not have gone worse. She's now almost 2yo, and he's slowly but surely getting there.

[Fortifiedwithvitaminsandiron]

I don't think anyone lies about it either way. We have 15 months between our two and DC1 was utterly obsessed with DC2 when they arrived; love at first sight kind of thing. Wanted to hold them all the time, 'shushed' and sung to them etc...... It's now that they're older (eldest is nearly 3) that they are at each other's throats! It is entirely roll of the dice, you never know how they will react and it is almost certainly nothing you have done. We certainly didn't do anything at all to 'make' it happen this way so I am certain the reverse is true also - It's total pot luck. We panicked a bit in the few days before the birth because we suddenly realised we hadn't prepared DC1 at all, so we were stunned at how he reacted. It will level out, honestly, big hugs xxx

[BernardsarenotalwaysSaints]

I don't think that's always the case. There's only 14 months between dc1 & 2, no it wasn't love at first sight but dc1 adjusted really quite quickly (within 2-3 weeks). When dc3 was born dc1 was really quite chuffed with the new little being in the house, dc2 (20 months between them) was indifferent. When dc4 (dc3 was just over 2 & a quarter) was born all 3 were besotted & still are.

I think it depends on the children. I do think the jump from 1 child to 2 is the hardest of all though. You're (general) so used to giving all your attention to 1 that it's a massive change suddenly having to do everything for 2. It gets easier, the winter months are hard with little children anyway as it's more difficult to get out regularly

[SleepFreeZone]

DS1 (4) adores DS2 (12 months) but he was never a possessive child so he's not that fussed and just loves having a playmate.

[HesterGreysGarden]

Thank you, thank you wonderingsoul - such a kind thing to write.
Northernlurker - absolutely not intending to compare or belittle experience of real grief, just searching for a way of describing my experience. Really sorry if it struck such a wrong note with you or anyone else.
Some of these experiences made me smile - wryly. There's a lot to be said for being honest when things are shit. Gandalf456 ✊️

[ligersaremyfavouriteanimal]

Why would they be lying?? We've got 3 DC and have never had any jealousy issues ( well aware that could change when they're older). DD1 adored DD2 when she was tiny, and both girls are still smitten with DS1 (1).

[DramaAlpaca]

DS2 arrived when DS1 was just 16 months. It was fine, didn't seem to faze DS1 much at all. I think he was so young he just accepted his little brother and within a couple of weeks he'd forgotten he'd ever been an only.

My SIL on the other hand had to keep her two apart as much as possible because her DS absolutely hated her DD. They are also close in age. They still don't get on, whereas mine do.

I'm sure it's down to personalities rather than parenting.

[WeddingsAreStressful]

My nieces have a 1.5 years age gap and the older one absolutely adored the little one. They're now 7 and 9 and they still get along very well and play together. I've helped babysit sooo many times, this isn't a lie.

[corythatwas]

My dh claims he likes sprouts. He's got to be lying, right?

[strawberrypenguin]

I don't think they're lying and I don't think your the only one with a child who resents his sibling.
My DS1 adores DS2 and the feeling is mutual (at least for the moment!) We had a larger age gap than you of 4.5 years so DS1 knew what was happening though

[Witchend]

Mine loved their like baby sibling at that,age.
It was when they started crawling and getting into things of theirs that they weren't quite so keen.

[Willyoujustbequiet]

Yabu to describe a 2nd dc arrival to be like grieving. Have you any idea how offensive that sounds to people who are actually bereaved?

Get a bloody grip

[zeeboo]

You don't genuinely think people are lying do you? Why on Earth would they? Some children love having a baby in the house, some aren't fussed and some feel put out by it just like with everything in life.

[honeylulu]

My son was absolutely thrilled with his baby sister and loved her to bits. (Not so much once she could crawl and meddle with his stuff)

However I was 2.5 when my sister was born and I was not happy about it at all!!! When she was old enough to go in a buggy my mum let me "help" push it. Obs day when my mum was distracted by the dogs I deliberately let it go at the top of a slope down to the promenade. Mum managed to run and catch it and I didn't get told off as she assumed it was an accident. But I had murder in mind most definitely! Everything was great until she turned up! Lol

[LilacPeony]

I had the same experience as you op. Don't know about other people. They get on fine now. (12 and 9)

[JellyWitch]

My eldest adored his sister from the beginning but there is a 5 year age gap so his needs were very different.

If I had had another when I had a 2 year old then I doubt it would have been so rosy.

[kungfupannda]

No, everyone isn't lying. DS1 and DS2 have been all over Ds3 like a rash since the day he was born. We fairly quickly gave up the attempt to get them to give him some space as we were fighting a losing battle. A few months on and they spend most of their time in a wriggly pile, like a litter of puppies.

[EB123]

Ds1 was under 2 when ds2 came along and yes he loved him. Now they are older and adore each other but bicker loads too. They were 5 and 3 when ds3 came along 10 months ago and I did expect ds2 to be jealous but we have had no problems and they both adore him. Everyone has different experiences it doesn't mean they are lying

[minipie]

DD1 was age 2.4 when DD2 was born and genuinely seemed to love her and was lovely to her. As they grow up there's been more rivalry and squabbling but still a lot of love. Funnily enough it's the only thing that's gone fairly easily with DD1!

Having said that, DD1 was utterly horrible in most other ways for several months after the birth. So I presume she wasn't entirely delighted by the experience of a new sibling.

I don't think it's got a jot to do with how we managed it really. Just down to personality and stage of development.

[minipie]

Your OP is a bit daft really . It's a bit like me saying all mothers whose DC sleep through from 10 weeks are lying. Simply because mine didn't sleep for fecking ages (still don't really) doesn't mean others haven't been luckier. Again, got very little to do with parenting and mostly to do with luck.