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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who say 'oh yes little Johnnie/ Janey loves his/her little brother/sister' when new baby is less than 6 months old ARE LYING

173 replies

HesterGreysGarden · 07/02/2017 15:21

Small gap between my 2 (less than 2 years) and DC1 was DEVASTATED when DC2 came along. Now lots of DC2s friends are having little brothers and sisters and the parents are all saying 'oh yes he/she just loves little babies...' or 'I think it's been harder on us than on him/her...' Please tell me this is utter bullcrap and it's not just that I'm a terrible parent who completely mishandled having number 2.

Having to make room for a younger sibling has been the single most traumatic event in DC1's short life. Adjusting to that was a bit like grieving and it's knocked us all for six. Is our experience really unusual? I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be at all. AIBU to think that's because other people are lying about how easy their DC are finding it?

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 07/02/2017 17:55

3 year age gap and my boy doted on his sister. It's just his nature though, he's very soppy Grin.
It's evolved as she became more assertive, they still love each other loads but they also enjoy a decent squabble

Questioningeverything · 07/02/2017 18:00

My ds genuinely adored baby from the start. Aged three when he was born. Tells him all the time that he's his best friend and he loves him, I honestly believe it. It makes me well up seeing them together, they have a beautiful relationship sorry op!

FatOldBag · 07/02/2017 18:13

Then 2yo dd loved newborn baby ds straight away. Now he's a naughty 4yo she's not as keen! They're all different and relationships develop in different ways and at different rates, I really wouldn't worry about it.

Whatsername17 · 07/02/2017 18:23

My 5yo dd has struggled. She constantly kisses and cuddles her sister and says she loves her. It's still been a massive shock to her system though.

lalalalyra · 07/02/2017 18:32

Ds2 was 4 when DD3 was born. He detested her. He wouldn't even look at her. In almost every photograph from when she's tiny he looks like someone just stole his chocolate. As soon as she could roll and crawl he totally changed his tune. She became fun and he adored her. They are now 8 and 3 1/2 and are as thick as thieves.

I had a baby girl in August. DD3 leans over her basket and says 'aww baby' a lot. She appears to adore her baby sister. I know for a fact that will change once the baby can move. DD3 is not a sharer and as much as we are working on it (and encouraging the older kids not to pander to her all the time!) I think she's going to much prefer a tiny baby to a moving baby.

Soubriquet · 07/02/2017 18:35

My Dd was just under 2 when we brought her brother home

I was so worried about how she would react but she was fantastic

Loved him almost immediately and even now nearly 2 years later they are so close

Sometimes they fight but that's siblings. They still lovd giving each other cuddles and playing together

Some children just react better than others

megletthesecond · 07/02/2017 18:41

DS was 22 months and wasn't the least bit bothered by DD when she arrived. Squished her a bit, smiled and generally left her in peace until she was sitting up and more amusing. I did pop her in the playpen in the early days
to stop him accidentally walking on her though.

They're much older now and try to main each other on a daily basis. So it all balances out.

catkind · 07/02/2017 18:47

DS adored DD when she was a tiny immobile baby. Albeit this was sometimes expressed by trying to give her inappropriate things. She loved watching whatever he was doing, he loved an audience. When she hit 6 months and started crawling and getting into his things he rather went off her though!

JaceLancs · 07/02/2017 19:13

DD loved her little brother (17 months difference)
I had to keep a close eye on her though as she cuddled and kissed him a bit too much and wanted to try and pick him up all the time
Now as adults they are closer than most siblings I know

pandarific · 07/02/2017 19:17

I was one and a half and was devastated. I feel like it's very young - maybe the greater world open to them at 2 and a half or 3 helps? But who knows.

Is there any research on it?

Basicbrown · 07/02/2017 19:23

DD loved her little brother (17 months difference)
I had to keep a close eye on her though as she cuddled and kissed him a bit too much and wanted to try and pick him up all the time

Yep, I walked into the living room on the day of dd1's third birthday party to find dd2 lifted out of her swing having a cuddle in a room with a wooden floor .... BlushShock

Dahlietta · 07/02/2017 19:30

A friend of mine told me that her grandson was very excited to be getting a little brother. He was less than impressed when he arrived - turned out he'd been expecting a boy to play with, not a baby that just lay there all the time and cried! I'm sure you've done nothing wrong at all, OP, and I bet when they're older, they wouldn't change a thing.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 07/02/2017 19:38

My DS1 adores DS2 (14 months) and has done since he was born. However he was 4 when he was born. Some kids love having a sibling and some just don't.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 07/02/2017 19:41

11 months between DD and DS2, she was devoted to him from day one. Actually really surprised us, we were expecting her to find it really hard. I think she followed DS1s lead to be honest, he was 7 when DS2 was born, and was an old hand at it after DD was born.

JemimaMuddledUp · 07/02/2017 19:48

They aren't all lying. We had both ways.

DS1 was 20 months when DS2 was born and liked him from day 1, although they don't get on as well these days. He was 3.5 when DD was born and he doted on her from the moment she was born. They are still really close, currently in her bedroom giggling over you tube videos (They are 10 and 14).

DS2 was 20 months old when DD was born and he HATED her
. I couldn't leave him alone with her. They get on fine now (10 and 12).

Sometimes you are lucky, sometimes you aren't. Children are all different.

DieDeutschLehrerin · 07/02/2017 19:51

There's 2 years 8 months between DS and Dd and he has genuinely loved her from the word go. You could kind of tell it would be that way because he has always been desperate for another child to share his space, even his bed. He just loves company.He has been a sod in pretty much every other way since he turned one though, despite our best efforts. He's just turned five and things are sort of returning to calmish more of the time than not. If his positive relationship with his sister were down to an awesome parenting on my part then we wouldn't have just experienced a 4 year long argument pitched at varying levels of rage. It's far more down to him, his personality and what's acceptable to his 2,3,4 year old brain. It helps that dd is relatively easy going and happy to be his sidekick most of the time. Even so there are still squabbles. You haven't messed anything up, they will find their way. Few things last forever.

CommunionHelp · 07/02/2017 19:53

I doubt they're lying OP. We have 3 DC and each new arrival has been treated with love and excitement. DD1 was 18 months when her little brother arrived and she loved having a little playthingmate.

The older two were really excited about having a new baby as well. I don't want to make you feel worse (not that you're doing a thing wrong!!) but I think saying saying that anyone who didn't have problems is lying/talking bullcrap needed a response.

paulapantsdown · 07/02/2017 19:54

2 years between mine, and my oldest was obsessively in love with his brother from day one. He adored him, sang to him, kissed him all day etc. It was lovely for many years.

They are now teenagers. Any time they spend in the same room is spent punching each other in the head and verbally abusing each other.

I am hoping for a happy medium one day.

hearyoume · 07/02/2017 19:58

DD1 has adored DD2 (4mo) since birth. She went through a phase of hating ME and was unsettled but, no, I am not lying when I say she loves her little sister.

OTOH, my sister hated me Smile

Itsjustaphase2016 · 07/02/2017 19:59

Definitely depends on the age gap. When my dc2 came along dc1 was 18 months and completely indifferent. Definitely not traumatised or anything, but just not that interested! And of course she was ignored more and had to move out of her buggy and onto the buggy board which she totally hated! But generally she just ignored her baby. Didn't love her!! But now she's 4 and dc3 has come along, and yes, she ADORES her. Can't stop stroking her/making her laugh/chatting to her. And dc2 (now being absolute best buddies with dc1) copies her big sister so appears to totally adore the baby also. Of course the middle child has never had my full attention so wasn't so bothered about a new sibling..

oblada · 07/02/2017 20:01

My older one has always been great with her sister. Almost 3yrs between them and she was over the moon from the start. I breastfed both of them for a couple of years and there was no jealousy there. Having said that there were some tricky times and times when older DD was acting up towards us which was probably linked to the new arrival. But overall they have been fab together! Not saying they don't squabble of course but so far so good! Now expecting number 3 let's see how it pans out :)

Proudmummytodc2 · 07/02/2017 20:33

My DS loved my DD when she came along but we did go out our way to make him feel
Included because I had been told by friends that he would get jealous really quickly If I didn't so we did but he adored her from the minuet he first met her.

But my mum said my sister hated me when I came along and kept asking to send me back ect and my brother just didn't bother but I suppose he had already been through the whole new sibling thing with my sister so wasn't too fussed.

Highmaintenancefemalestuff · 07/02/2017 20:48

I think it could go either way. Ds was almost 4 when Dd was born 6 months ago. He does adore her. Always playing with her, talking to her and snuggling her. His eyes light up when he sees her in the morning and vice versa. There not been one hint of jealousy. Me and Dh each put aside time for just him while the other has the baby. We make sure when the baby is sleeping we do lots of games and jigsaws with him, read stories so that time is all about him. I don't know whether that's helped or he just really doesn't mind having a sister.

Carno13 · 07/02/2017 20:59

Why would people lie about it? I have 2yrs5m between my children and the eldest has never ever been nasty to the youngest, she adores her. Never been jealous either! No that youngest is 1, we do occasionally have dramas over toys but think that is to be expected x

elliejjtiny · 07/02/2017 21:05

Mine all adored their baby siblings (sorry). I always say that nobody finds everything about parenting easy. We all have stages when everything is all rainbows and unicorns and stages where we want to escape to a deserted island somewhere. Ds1 and ds2 adored their younger siblings but they were both nightmares about settling at school. Tears every morning and ds2 in particular clinged to my leg every day for the first few months of reception.