People who say 'oh yes little Johnnie/ Janey loves his/her little brother/sister' when new baby is less than 6 months old ARE LYING

[HesterGreysGarden]

Small gap between my 2 (less than 2 years) and DC1 was DEVASTATED when DC2 came along. Now lots of DC2s friends are having little brothers and sisters and the parents are all saying 'oh yes he/she just loves little babies...' or 'I think it's been harder on us than on him/her...' Please tell me this is utter bullcrap and it's not just that I'm a terrible parent who completely mishandled having number 2.

Having to make room for a younger sibling has been the single most traumatic event in DC1's short life. Adjusting to that was a bit like grieving and it's knocked us all for six. Is our experience really unusual? I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be at all. AIBU to think that's because other people are lying about how easy their DC are finding it?

[farfarawayfromhome]

i never wanted a sibling and was a very happy only child. OP i do have friends where the siblings really struggle with one another so you have my sympathy.

i hose to have an only child, so no advice i'm afraid.

[Enkopkaffetak]

I have 4 each with just under 2 years between them. Theb oldest 2 girls never minded they loved having a younger sibling. Ds REALLY minded when his little sister arrived. However once she became a toddlerr they became close and he at now 15 is fiercely protective of her.

Nothing you are doing wrong op and not a indicator of how their futire relationship will be

[GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick]

Every family's different, OP. Some kids will love babies, some will hate them, but it won't be permanent.

If it helps, my half brother hated me so much when I came along, that he put the straps of my clothes underneath the television so that I couldn't crawl after him. luckily for him, I was a lazy child who sat there for a good while, so the television didn't brain me! He also failed to take me home when i followed him out of the house when I was 2, and just told me to go home. Luckily for both of us, I was found by somebody nice. He didn't try that one again...

In turn, I hated younger DB so much when he came along that we have family videos of me insisting that I am "nursing" him (by which I meant rocking him in a bouncy chair, not feeding him!) when I am clearly trying to catapult him out of the window.

We're all really close now, honestly we are

[Faithless]

My DD was wonderful with her little brother right from the start (2 years 3 months age gap), and continued to be much nicer to him that he was to her. However she was an absolutely shit sleeper, and I was on my knees with exhaustion, so she really needed to redeem herself in some way!

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Just to make you feel better op, despite what I've said about ds loving dd, she was sick on him a few days ago and his response was "Urgh. I don't want to be your brother anymore". Love, it seems, does have its limits!

[NotCitrus]

Agree it really helps if people don't expect the older child to give a toss about the baby! I put lots of effort into explaining to every visitor that they needed to pay attention to ds first, and that didn't mean asking "So, ds, what do you think of your new sister?" (aaargghhh....)

Ds loved dd when she was born (3.8 year gap), mostly because all his friends had babies at their houses and he didn't want to be left out, but also he loved the baby rather like a puppy or kitten, stroking her feet etc. I encouraged lots of feet stroking from him and friends as they felt very important and it was least likely to hurt her!

Once she became mobile, it was a very different experience! Lucjkily he was old enough that we could appeal to his intellingence and explain she wanted to play with him, so if he could give her some blocks/Lego people/toys like hwat he was using but that he didn't want, hopefully everyone would be happy. 5 years on they get on remarkably well (except when they don,t about 10 minutes every day), and she identifies with Darth Vader and other baddies way too much (ds and dn would let her roleplay with them, but of course they were the good guys...)

[insan1tyscartching]

Ds1 openly loathed ds2 for a long while tbh. He was 18 months old when he was born. He perfected the art of throwing cars into ds2's pram and would clap if he woke ds2 and made him cry. I once caught him pushing ds2 off the sofa saying "I not drop you yet" I felt that ds2 would only be safe if I kept him on top of the wardrobe.
They did become friends though and none of them resented the others as they came along as ds1 had done.

[GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick]

just remembered something that makes me laugh - when I was in the hospital after having DD, DP was in the lift on his way up to see us. He shared the lift with a man and his little girl, who was about 3.

The man was explaining in painstaking detail that mummy would be in bed, but she loved the little girl very much; he loved the little girl and mummy very much; the new baby sister could not wait to see the little girl and loved her very much; he and mummy loved the new baby very much and everyone would love everyone very much. The little girl looked at him and said:

"WHATEVER."

hahahaha.

[Butterpuff]

Also getting nervous about this. DC2 is due in a month. DC1 will turn 2 the same week. Not only does DC1 have a new sibling to worry about but as that new sibling is quite unwell Mummy will be going away for a few weeks while baby is in hospital and I really hope she will not feel abandoned.

[Lindy2]

My 2 year old genuinely loved her little baby sister. When she asked if we could keep her forever and I said yes, she was overjoyed.
At age 6 and 8 however, they fight like cat and dog. The love is still there (I think/hope) but at times it is well hidden.
Perhaps your 2 are doing things in reverse and will be wonderful together when they are older.

[Stripyhoglets]

If it makes you feel any better op my DS was pretty ambivalent about baby sister at first but they were terrible together for about 10 years once she was on the move. They are pretty much ok now most the time but the sibling rivalry made family life hellish for a long time. If I had my time again I'd have stopped contact with most of my DHs family who clearly adore babies not grown children but I didn't know how to handle it

[Astoria7974]

Depends on the age gap. Generally the bigger it is, the more the love.

[LilacPeony]

Sorry if this has been mentioned as I've not read all 7 pages but someone told me 2.5 years is the most jealous age. Dd was about 2 years 7 months and was very jealous. Maybe others with a 2.5 gap have found it ok though?

[QueenofallIsee]

DD was 7 when Dtwins were born - she coped very well and was a great little helper, I don't remember outpourings of love from her. Dtwins were completely indifferrent to DS3 when he came along, they were 16mths and I don't think they really noticed him! DD on the other hand, palpably adored him from Day 1.

Dtwins are a pair and DD & DS3 are a pair - as they say themselves, they have the perfect set up for a good game of monopoly

[gincredible]

My four year old was furious when his sister arrived. It took the best part of a year for him to adjust and we still struggle with occasional jealousy and resentment nearly two years on. I'll be honest, the first few months of having two were HELL because of it, especially since I had chronic postnatal depression too. I never imagined his reaction would be so extreme but believe our experience is unusual. They now (mostly) love each other and share a bedroom and the difficult times did pass.

[Ellieboolou27]

3 year gap and can honestly say dd1 still not a fan of her younger sibling, serious jealousy issues and it's been 18 months

[Penfold007]

I was utterly besotted with my baby sister from the moment my parents brought her home and there is a six year gap. Good job as my DM was completely disinterested in both of us. Unintentional five year gap between DC1 & DC2 but they are firm friends.

[Woolyheads]

Give it 30 or 40 years. It'll work out

[BigGrannyPants]

My son was our first, he was also first grandchild on both sides so he was utterly spoiled for attention. When he was almost 4 my sister had her first, they live in another country and my son still got a little jealous when we spoke on FaceTime etc. So we had no idea how my son would react when our twins came along. He didn't have much to do with them for the first couple of weeks, but after that, I have to say he was amazing. Far exceeded our expectations and he's nearly 7 now and the twins are 18 months and he really is a brilliant big brother. My sisters oldest is just about to turn 3 and can be challenging let's say, she had a baby girl about 3 months ago and he has coped very well. So I suppose I'm just saying sometimes it does happen that they just get on, but I very much doubt it's anything you did or didn't do, little personalities are different, she's at a big age developmentally speaking so hopefully it'll pass soon

[jcne]

My sister (18 mo older) fucking hated me. She is p. Odd even now though, but then maybe that's what did it 🤔

[paxillin]

I know lots of grown ups who report that devastation on the birth of their siblings. Very few parents admit their kid hated the sibling, it just doesn't sit well when you are trying to create a happy family, so ask the kids not the parents.

But show me the 2 or 4 year old who simply loves the idea of less attention, sharing most of their stuff and generally no longer being the centre of the universe. 10 year olds can be quite excited about being the "grown up" sibling of a baby, but 3 year olds? Yeah, right, all the way until they realise baby does not go back to hospital and big brother has to budge up and make room.

[SleepFreeZone]

It is true to say that my sister never wanted me, was pretty vile to me most of my childhood and now as adults our relationship has been very strained and non existent at times. There is 4.5 years between us.

I'm fortunate that my boys seem to love each other so praying that continues.

[Mol1628]

Had a two year age gap and they genuinely love each other. Eldest has never been jealous. So no. Sometimes people aren't lying.

That's not to say it's all perfect and lovely all the time, they argue over toys sometimes and drive me crazy but they generally get on well and enjoy each other's company.