People who say 'oh yes little Johnnie/ Janey loves his/her little brother/sister' when new baby is less than 6 months old ARE LYING

[HesterGreysGarden]

Small gap between my 2 (less than 2 years) and DC1 was DEVASTATED when DC2 came along. Now lots of DC2s friends are having little brothers and sisters and the parents are all saying 'oh yes he/she just loves little babies...' or 'I think it's been harder on us than on him/her...' Please tell me this is utter bullcrap and it's not just that I'm a terrible parent who completely mishandled having number 2.

Having to make room for a younger sibling has been the single most traumatic event in DC1's short life. Adjusting to that was a bit like grieving and it's knocked us all for six. Is our experience really unusual? I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be at all. AIBU to think that's because other people are lying about how easy their DC are finding it?

20 months between mine and yes, DC1 adored DC2. They're 3 and 19 months now and still generally love each other. I'm not lying, honest!
DC1 did have a huge sleep regression when number 2 came along though.

DD was 4yo when DS was born. I think the situation was complicated by starting school 6 months later, but it took her about 18 months to recover from the horror of having a sibling. She actually stopped being able to play by herself.
Nine years later and she still tends to loudly and frequently bemoan the day he was born. But they are very close and affectionate co-conspirators .

I think it's often down the age gap. From my observations of the people we know 2 years ish gap is the hardest, particularly for jealousy.

We had a nearly 3 year gap so we got the 3 year funding towards nursery which seems very popular amongst my friends and acquaintances. Very few problems with jealously and some genuine baby love from day 1 amongst people I know.

My dd1 wasn't in love but she wasn't really jealous either. They've been buddies since dd2 learnt to crawl at 6 months old and are really close me at 6 and 9.

I'm sure it will ease off for you OP. After a while older sibling will forget they were ever an only child and will have a little partner in crime.

I don't think it is the same for everyone. I just gave birth to DC3 and the older two (4 and 2) are really keen on him. Whether it continues when he is old enough to nick their toys however...

DS1 was 2 1/2 when DS2 came along and he genuinely adored his brother from day 1. I think it's down to pure luck, not how it's handled.

It is vastly vastly dependant on personality.

I have 2 under 2 and No 1 didn't give a shit. Utterly indifferent.

Started to get attached to the baby by about 5 months. But before that barely paid any attention so definitely didn't "love" the baby.

We have a 21 month age gap, DD is now 3 months. So far, DS appears to mostly love his sister, to the extent we spend a lot of time protecting her from his over enthusiastic affection - he tries to pick her up at every opportunity, tries to kiss and lick her, acidentally hits her with toys when trying to give them to her.... He has never liked being by himself though and clearly likes e.g. having someone sit in the back of the car with him, and always liked the younger babies in nursery. It's certainly nothing we did to make him love having her.

We are just starting to get some first signs of jealousy now - he wants any toys we get out for her - so the love affair may not last much longer!

I think it's an age gap thing. There's nearly 5 years between mine, and she adored him from the day he was born. And it was reciprocated as soon as he was able.

When our youngest arrived big sister (age 2) loved her so much. She would always hang around baby looking at her and saying how beautiful she was. Fast forward 10 years, she is much less keen.

YABU. Ds was 19 months when dd was born and he adored her from the get go. They're still only little but at 19 months and 3 they still adore each other now. Ds has always been very caring and pretty laid back- takes things in his stride generally and gating a sibling was no different. I don't think it's any great parenting feat but it's not a lie either.

My older DD loved her baby sister and absolutely milked the attention she got from it. She was never jealous at all, any jealousy came when dd2 started playing a part in the family/ being taken to places etc and she had to share the limelight. But as a baby, she just saw her as exactly that a baby.

I think that sometimes they appear to adore their new little brother/sis but are giving sly digs when no-one is looking/having nightmares/regressing with potty training

Or maybe not

Or they love them until they are able to take their stuff.

DS1 was very thrown by me having DS2 - I would also describe it as traumatic for him. I was filled with guilt and angst for a good while. Later they fought a lot. However they have got on very very well for years now (teens)

DS1 received the first smile from his brother, and the first laugh. The time when I first heard them giving advice to each other, or walking home with their arms round each other was magical.

My best advice is to lower your expectations from love and interest in their little sibling to tolerance. 2 year olda are little beyond egocentric babies themselves, Don't forget that (once DS1 said to me "I'm not a Big Boy, I'm a baby. X (brother) is a Big Boy". He was telling me exactly how he felt about it.

DS1 was nearly 7 when DS2 was born. He's never got over it. He's 30 now .

My brother always loved me. He was only 18 months when I was born. He's always been very gentle with babies mind.

We were expecting some bad feeling and acting out but (touch wood) mine (3 all 2 yrs apart) adore each other and we haven't had any drama.

ExH who was 2 yrs older than his brother ignored him for the first 2 years. Literally didn't acknowledge his existence. ExPils were very worried. They took him to a psychologist. But within a few years they were best of friends and are still very close. ExiBil was our best man.

Just different children and adjustment periods i think.

I remember the first time dd said "we" and I realized that she meant her and her little brother not her and me. It was lovely and I was jealous!

To add: I'm sure lots of kids love their baby siblings too!

My DS1 really loved DS2 when he was born (18 months apart). I have very lucky. They were best friends for a long time, each of them would cry if the other wasn't around etc.

Now at 11 and 10 it's all changed :)

I was just two when my sister was born, and I made my mum cry when I went to see her in hospital as I was so jealous .

My twins loved their little brother when he came along, but they were used to not being the only one.

It's normal. Don't beat yourself up about it - all children are different!

Mine definitely wasn't having 'sly digs'. She did have a sleep regression, which I think was related to the fact we changed her cot to a bed at the same time as DD2 came along (mistake in hindsight) and she wanted to be sleeping in the same room as the rest of us.

I found the book "Siblings without Rivalry" quite helpful as I recall

They aren't lying - as with most things it depends on the child.

Adoring your baby sibling and resenting your baby sibling are both normal.

19 months between mine and it was love at first sight. He is the first thing she talks about when she wakes up, wants to hold his hand and help him all day, boasts about him constantly to strangers. Getting a little cross now that he crawls and can grab her stuff. Not sure why I'd lie about this. I'm always honest about her crappy behaviour too!

DD was 4 when DS was born. She adored him and was incredibly proud of being his big sister from the off. She's still very loving and protective towards him now and they're almost 20 and 16 now.

Your experience isn't everyone's and nor is mine.